Who ordered all the shirts?
Insane True Blood finale truths: Sookie & Bill need to break apart, fairies arelame & Denis O'Hare rules
Season 3 of HBO’s Southern Gothic vampire show, True Blood, ended Sunday night and, in an absolutely shocking first for the show, the entire cast kept their shirts on for the whole hour. What the episode lacked in shirtlessness it overcompensated for with cliffhangers, enough to leave the audience impatient to return to Bon Temps, Louisiana for summer 2011.
Still, life is about the journey and for season 3 that journey was like being kidnapped and thrown into the back of a car by a gang of vampire blood-addicted werewolves, who eventually lose control of the car during their V euphoria and crash into a ditch. This is not to say that the season was bad, just insane.
The cast of characters seemed to double and along with them the types of supernatural creatures. Yet, underneath the supernatural, soap opera plot-lines the show continues to be biting (pun intended) political and social satire.
So after three months and 12 episodes, what has season 3 taught us?
1. No matter what a beautiful couple newlyweds Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are, their on screen chemistry as Sookie Stackhouse and Vampire Bill Compton should be pressed into pill form and bottled as the ultimate sleep aid. Kept apart from each other, their characters are dangerous and fascinating, but brought together: Zzzzzzzz.
2. Denis O’Hare, who plays 3000 year old vampire Russell Edgington, must be adhering to Alexander Skarsgard’s,vampire Eric workout regime. The Tony award-winning O'Hare can devour as much scenery as he wants and he never gains a pound. He also deserves an Emmy nomination next year. His portrayal of Edgington’s descent from powerful vampire king to grief-stricken mad-vamp, out to crush the world, was mesmerizing.
3. We would think that dumb, but pretty, Jason Stackhouse plus werepanthers — they’re like werewolves but they turn into panthers — would equal riveting, campy television, and we would be absolutely wrong.
Even the most ardent cat lover would probably agree: the early episodes’ Mississippi nazi werewolf subplot? Fun. The later season’s Louisiana inbred werepanther colony subplot? Just boring.
4. Only in the True Blood world would the relationship between Lafayette (LaLa) Reynolds — the vampire-blood drug dealer/fry cook who recently discovered he has shamanistic powers — and his boyfriend Jesus Velasquez, —mental hospital nurse/witch — be the healthiest, most supportive one on the screen. Their story also allows the audience to play along at home and come up with their own sacrilegious puns on Jesus’ name.
5. Sookie knows, fairies are lame.
True Blood is over and the summer is winding down, but in Houston the heat index is still in the 100s, so how are we to fill our Sunday nights without leaving our air conditioners? Well, HBO is delivering Boardwalk Empire next week, a series set in Atlantic City during Prohibition. The previews look gorgeous. It stars Steve Buscemi, and Martin Scorsese is one of the executive producers and the director for the first episode, so it will likely be aesthetically good for us, like a plate of gourmet spinach.
The question is, at any point in the series will Buscemi rip out the spine of a news anchorman on live television, rant about humanity’s treatment of the planet, promise to eat the audience’s children and then throw to the next segment with “Now time for the weather, Tiffany”? No, he undoubtedly will not, and this makes us sad.
Same time next year, True Blood.