It was sad to see our Jersey girls go this week. What a blow out! And Bravo’s rolling out the housewives like cheap candy. Atlanta’s back and a new franchise in Beverly Hills is waiting in the wings

So The Real Housewives of D.C. has big shoes to fill.

Worry not, dear readers. It finally got real this week with the weirdest and ugliest moments we’ve seen on any of the franchises. In less than a D.C. second, the show went from polite networking, superficial politics, and bitchy parties to felony accusations, FBI involvement, reverse racism, and healthcare lobbying.

It’s almost too much to bear, and this week the stress of events shows. Stacie’s suddenly-cropped hairdo suggests she’s gunning for a stint in Afghanistan. Every time Lynda reaches for another high-ball, she can’t hide her old-lady hands. And Michaele Salahi wax museum body double is beginning to melt under the harsh glare of the public eye. Oh wait, that was the real Michaele.

Last week Bravo left us with the promise of a wine-tasting gone sour. Who couldn’t have seen disaster written on the label of every bottle the cast emptied? We knew Tareq Salahi was going to drive Mary Schmitt Ammons to tears and now we know why. With information allegedly relayed by the FBI, Tareq accuses Mary’s daughter Lolly of participating in the theft and joyride of his $90,000 vehicle stuffed with polo equipment.

Drunk, angry Tareq feels victimized. Mary leaves sobbing. Stacie and Jason are appalled at the accusation. So were we. Boy, this harvest celebration went Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? fast.

Back in D.C., Stacie and Jason settle in for a relaxing dinner out with Lynda and Ebong. When the subject of Stacie’s birth parents comes up, however, Lynda delivers an aria of “ racial understanding.” Funny, though, it starts with tales of her being raised in South Georgia and experiencing reverse racism.

She couldn’t get served in a restaurant! Oh, how she must have suffered. Here’s where the pause button came in handy as we froze Ebong’s dismayed glance at Lynda and then Stacie’s barely contained contempt.

There’s a brief moment of comic relief at Cat’s high tea at The Mayflower with celebrated Republican lobbyist Edwina Roberts. You might recall Edwina of the queer black explosion of feathers some might call a hat, which she wore at the Salahi’s charity polo match.

Cat’s delighted to hear about Edwina’s work on healthcare reform and asks if the lobbyist would like to pay the $23,000 in healthcare costs she’s racked up since moving to D.C. Instead, Edwina giggles, slurps her tea, and tries to distract Cat with cucumber sandwiches. Surely everyone in England loves those.

But Cat isn’t done with Edwina. After telling Cat that Sarah Palin would have been “just fine” as Vice-President, the lobbyist invites her to a party of Washington insiders concerned with healthcare. Little did she know that Cat would show up dressed as Sarah Palin, in a cheap brunette wig, a pair of black reading glasses, and a name tag that reads “Alaska.” All she lacks is a moose and Levi Johnston.

We’re thrilled Cat took such a clever dump on this boring Republican soirée. Our only disappointment is that the hostess didn’t appear at her own party. Instead, a man in a bizarrely reflective pinstripe suit announces an unavoidable situation.

The camera cuts to EMTs wheeling a gurney to an ambulance. We availed ourselves of the freeze-frame once more to get a closer look. With her bandaged head, Edwina reminds us of Jane Wyman in Magnificent Obsession. Cat may be right that Republicans are “plain people” in “plain clothes,” but Edwina sure knows how to make an exit.

The Bravo producers have really outdone themselves with this action-packed, landmark episode. We’re hoping they’ve got more up their sleeves for the rest of the season. And we’re also hoping that Edwina has paid up her healthcare insurance premiums. If not, she might have to give her dear friend Cat a call.