Wave goodbye to the last original

Boo bye Brown: Texans kicker gets a rude sendoff as Neil Rackers vaults tofantasy stud

Kris Brown is a good guy who's simply not as good a kicker as ...
Photo by Bill Baptist
Neil Rackers.
Gary Kubiak's decision is pretty cut and dry.

Kris Brown is good in the community, good in the locker room and good in the postgame interview. His smile has earned him many fans of both sexes — some of whom wouldn't know the difference between Brett Favre and Bret Michaels.

Brown deserved much better than getting booed for missing a 56-yard field goal in what's likely his last appearance as a Houston Texan — a dreary preseason finale that excited Reliant Stadium about as much as a needling convention would. Having to sit through a 24-17 "loss" to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in which Houston coach Gary Kubiak wisely (finally) completely held out Andre Johnson, Matt Schaub and every other starter or regular that matters is no excuse for making the Last Original Texan feel worse than he already likely does.

But none of this means that Kubiak isn't making the right decision when he cuts Brown.

That's what is coming of course. Oh, it's not official just yet, but the writing might as well be all over the goal posts — the same ones that Brown had too much trouble getting kicks between last season. Kubiak sure didn't seem like a coach who was wrestling with a kicking decision on Thursday night, no matter what he said at the podium.

He only gave Brown one chance at a field goal — that 56-yarder that was either one last Hail Mary play for Brown to pull off a miracle save or just a cruel way to send out a guy who'd been pretty good to your franchise depending on your point of view. Staying in character, Brown never came close to making it.

Kubiak later sent Neil Rackers out for a 21-yard chip shot. The coach bypassed several other opportunities to go for intermediate field goals on fourth down, neither giving his chosen kicker the chance to fail or the loser the opportunity to wow. Kubiak seemed much more interested in seeing if the daring John David Booty could pass the too-timid Dan Orlovsky for the backup quarterback spot and who could blame him?

The idea that this kicking competition was every really open is something of a lark, more of a sign of the respect given to the Las Original Texan than a reality. Rackers made 41 out of 45 field goal tries the last two seasons with the Arizona Cardinals, a better than 90-percent success rate. Brown made only 65.6 percent of his kicks last year — seemingly missing every one that really counted, including the ones against Indianapolis and Tennessee that everyone remembers, the ones that could have changed the course of a near-playoff season.

The only player remaining from the 2002 franchise debut season, Brown had his moments in Houston, but he came in as a shaky kicker from Pittsburgh and he'll leave the same way.

Kubiak played to sentiment as long as he could — through the preseason. Now, it's time to make the cut, to officially seal what's essentially a no-brainer decision.

Rackers immediately becomes a kicker who will be coveted by the fantasy football geeks (as much as anyone covets a kicker) in the Texans' high-powered offense. Brown will be left to catch on with another team (though a starting kicking job anywhere — at least to begin the season — is anything but the super-sure thing Brown's friends in the media, and this good guy has many, would have you believe).

The Last Original Texan deserved to hear more cheers on what looms as his unglorious goodbye. But some guys can't help but get kicked when they're down.

Update: The Texans cut Brown as anticipated Friday morning.

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weekend event planner

These are the top 15 things to do in Houston this weekend

Photo by Eric Ryan Anderson

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Since we’re officially in the holiday season (or “Mariah season,” as we like to call it), several seasonal, holiday-themed events will be popping off this weekend. Houston Ballet will have its annual Nutcracker Market. Discovery Green will open up its Green Mountain Holiday Ice rink. Coca-Cola will even bring us a new, immersive light experience.

But we’ll also have live music from Jelly Roll and Cyndi Lauper, delicious art openings at CAMH, Mitochondria Gallery, and Archway Gallery, and legendary cult filmmaker John Waters providing live commentary for one of his most beloved films.

Thursday, November 14

44th Annual Houston Ballet Nutcracker Market
The 44th annual Houston Ballet Nutcracker Market is a four-day shopper’s paradise filled with larger-than-life nutcrackers and ornament-adorned trees. It features curated collections with holiday items, gourmet food, apparel, jewelry, gifts, and more from over 270 merchants from across the country. Highly sought-after merchant Paul Michael returns to the market this year after a two-year hiatus with his signature décor pieces, including ornaments and décor, topiaries, snow globes, nativity scenes, Christmas trees, and garlands. 10 am.

Contemporary Arts Museum presents Vincent Valdez: Just a Dream… public opening
CAMH will present Vincent Valdez’s new exhibition this weekend. This exhibition is the artist’s first major museum survey, spanning over two decades of work. This unique lineup and show will include a mix of singer-songwriter Nick Gaitan’s original “Tejas Roots” music along with a curated set of covers, paying tribute to legends and cultivators from Houston, San Antonio and further down the Gulf Coast, that have had an influence on his work and sound. Chicano Boulevard will close things out with a DJ set. Through Sunday, March 23. 7 pm.

The Hobby Center presents Hairspray with John Waters
As part of this year’s Houston Cinema Arts Festival, John Waters (aka The Pope of Trash) comes to Houston for his first-ever live and in-person director's commentary of his original Hairspray. A special pre-show trailer reel will kick things off, followed by the main event, the screening with live commentary by Waters, followed by a Q&A. VIP ticket holders will join in a Group Therapy Experience, which includes preferred seating, an autographed show poster, and a socially distanced selfie with Waters, on stage with you in the foreground. 7:30 pm.

Friday, November 15

Discovery Green presents Green Mountain Energy Ice
Kick off the holiday season at Green Mountain Energy Ice at Discovery Green. Visitors can glide beneath the glittering lights of downtown Houston and discover the holiday magic at Discovery Green. The first 50 people in line at 5 pm skate for free, and Forever Green members skate for free from 5-7 pm. Entertainment is provided by the winners of the Discover Houston Music showcase on the Anheuser-Busch stage. And the Lake House will be serving classic American fare such as burgers, salads, and tacos. Through Sunday, February 2. 7 pm.

Disney On Ice presents Frozen & Encanto
Disney On Ice will present the magical adventures of Frozen and Encanto as they come to life like never before. This adventure on ice transports fans into two of the most popular Disney films, as audiences can sing-along to their favorite songs while embracing world-class ice skating, aerial acrobatics, and more. Audiences will see Anna, Elsa, Mirabel, and the Madrigal family live, as well as fan favorites Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald, Goofy, and many more. 7 pm (10:30 am and 7 pm Friday; 11 am, 3 and 7 pm Saturday; 1 and 5 pm Sunday).

Mitochondria Gallery presents "Place of Repose II" opening reception
Mitochondria Gallery will present “Place of Repose II,” their culminating group exhibition of 2024. The exhibition completes the year with a thoughtfully curated space where viewers can find a sense of tranquility and restoration. It serves as both an invitation and a gentle reminder: first, to live mindfully, with gratitude for the present; and second, to intentionally embrace rest - reclaiming time to renew both mind and body. Through sculptures and paintings, this exhibition explores facets of the human experience. Through Saturday, December 14. 7:30 pm.

Chelsea Handler: Little Big Bitch Tour
You gotta love it when a comic goes on tour, complete with a take-no-prisoners title. Comedian Chelsea Handler comes to Sugar Land as part of her Little Big Bitch Tour, which will give fans a retrospective look (including her years as host of E!’s Chelsea Lately and Netflix’s Chelsea) at what made her the person, comedian, and New York Times best-selling author she is today. Let’s hope that former boyfriend/Houston resident Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson will make an appearance from the stands. 8 pm.

Saturday, November 16

Hogan Brown Gallery presents “Take Me As I Am: Redemption and Grace for the Discarded” opening reception
Hogan Brown Gallery will be showing off a new solo exhibition from artist Lance Flowers. This showcase highlights Flowers’ collage work, a reflection on the cultural preservation of Houston’s Third Ward in the face of growing gentrification pressures. A multimedia video installation will complement the exhibition, featuring interviews and statistical data on Third Ward’s highs and lows. The exhibition will also engage Third Ward businesses and cultural spaces, creating a rich and immersive experience across the neighborhood. Through Thursday, December 5. 6 pm

Archway Gallery presents A Native Feast
Archway Gallery and Ishtia chef David Skinner will present a food journey through Indigenous culture in conjunction with Harold Joiner’s "Homeland: Random Musings of a Native Son," an exhibition of paintings and mixed media works inspired by his Southwestern homeland. The five-course tasting dinner created by Skinner, a Choctaw tribal member, is inspired by his ancestors' stories and will include the Indigenous ingredients gifted to the world by Native Americans. 6:30 pm.

Coca-Cola's Classic Christmas
Coca-Cola’s Classic Christmas is a festive, new, immersive holiday light experience that will transport guests to a world of Christmas magic. The event will feature larger-than-life light sculptures, ice skating, a snow slide, shopping, live entertainment, visits with Santa, hot cocoa, and more. There will also be a variety of theme nights, where visitors can dress up or enjoy special events. Go to the event website for more information. Through Sunday, December 29. 6:30 pm (5:30 pm Sunday).

Cyndi Lauper in concert
All the girlie-pop divas of today – Charli, Chappell, Billie, Sabrina – owe a debt of gratitude to girlie-pop icon Cyndi Lauper, who dropped such ‘80s classics as “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and “Time After Time.” Lauper comes to Houston as part of her Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Farewell Tour. The Grammy, Emmy, and Tony-winning singer-songwriter has released 12 albums in her career, most recently Detour in 2016. 8 pm.

Sunday, November 17

Handies Douzo/Ensō Pop-Up + Giveaway
Handies Douzo, the hand roll and sushi bar in Montrose, is hosting a handcrafted matcha pop-up in collaboration with Ensō, a local, Asian-owned matcha and tea company. Guests can experience the unique pop-up where matcha meets temaki. Guests can enter an Instagram giveaway for a chance to win a $100 Himari gift card. The contest is open now, and the winner will be announced on Tuesday, November 19. The event is open to the public, and no reservation is necessary. 11 am.

Long Way Home presents Honky Tonk For Hope
Honky Tonk For Hope is an all-day festival helping those in need in the community. It will feature performances by Hayes Carll and Band of Heathens, Jason Boland and The Stragglers, Eddie 9V, John Evans Band, and Two Tons of Steel. The afternoon of independent Texas music artists and a few of their friends will raise funds for Long Way Home to assist in meeting the needs of pediatric transplant patients and their families. Children 12 years and under are free with adults. 2 pm.

Chris Shepherd’s Table to Stage: A Conversation with Tom Colicchio
The Houston chef and media personality sits down with Top Chef head judge Tom Colicchio for a conversation centered about Colicchio’s new book Why I Cook. “He kind of scares the shit out of me,” Shepherd told CultureMap last month. Expect a lively look at Colicchio’s career that has included winning eight James Beard Awards as well as serving as an advocate for the restaurant industry. 6 pm.

Jelly Roll in concert
Tennessee rapper-turned-country rocker Jelly Roll has been having a very wonderful year. He was nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy. Beautifully Broken, his latest album, was number one on the Billboard 200 and country charts. He even appeared on an episode of that gangstalicious Sylvester Stallone show Tulsa King. This weekend, he’ll be in Houston along with special guests ERNEST, Shaboozey, and Allie Colleen. 7 pm.

Photo by Eric Ryan Anderson

Jelly Roll performs this Sunday.

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