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    Aftershocks

    The worst husband in Real Housewives history? By hookah & insane texts thatcontest is over

    Joseph Campana
    Theodore Bale
    Aug 29, 2011 | 12:49 am
    • Melissa Gorga
    • Joe Giudice
    • Hookahs aren't just for college kids on Real Housewives of New Jersey.

    Grab a hookah: It’s The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

    That’s right, readers, it seems Franklin Lakes has packed its bags and headed to the Middle East. OK, not really. Apparently, The Real Housewives of New Jersey doesn’t have the budget of The Real Housewives of New York, whose Moroccan escapade last season bordered on psychosis. At least that means they don’t have to deal with the cranky and classless Countess LuAnn de Lesseps.

    But as we saw our favorite Jersey hausfraus indulge in their own private Arabian fantasies, a pattern began to emerge from these last two messy and unsettling episodes.

    The ladies of Franklin Lakes have serious problems — troubled children and poisonous family rivalries come to mind. All season they’ve sung a tune about love, hope, prosperity, reconciliation and family. But these fantasies can no longer conceal a distinctively Italian brew of rage, resentment and vendetta bubbling up from beneath.

    When things get too stressful for Kathy, she dreams of the Middle East. Not necessarily Lebanon, where her husband Rich was born, but some generic land with belly dancers aplenty and lots of lively music. We appreciate, however, that these dreams must give her a break from the stress of being Italian.

    A murky bassoon plays in the background against a shot of the waning moon and Kathy is cooking and talking incessantly about her potential catering career. She's decided to get all the women back on track with an "embrace your inner Goddess" party. Kathy wants loving positive energy, and she fingers her power beads as Zen Jen performs a sacred space cleanse.

    Remember Zen Jen? She was Dina Manzo's spiritual consultant in Season One and we were thrilled to see her back with her sage smudge sticks.

    When the women arrive, though, they aren't in a Goddess kind of mood. Jacqueline complains about her daughter Ashley's insolence and the ladies scoff when Kathy suggests family therapy. “That therapy stuff is so politically correct,” says Caroline’s daughter Lauren. “You should really get the wooden spoon out,” says Caroline, and the women all laugh in agreement.

    When Teresa arrives fashionably late, she warns that a bad storm is on the way, possibly a Norwegian. We think she meant a "Nor'easter," but we're open to the idea of bad storms coming all the way from Scandinavia to destroy New Jersey in the name of good taste.

    Kathy gives all the women Goddess bracelets, gifts they open with an inquisitive look and sour expressions. Then Kathy reads a statement about each guest's Goddess qualities. She thinks Melissa is a great mom. When she reaches Teresa, she says that when things are going crazy, Teresa just puts a smile on and doesn't let it bother her. Oh, yeah, that Goddess. Sure, we remember her.

    Belly dancers arrive and the party goes out of bounds, but not for Teresa. She's the only one who doesn't want to strap on some tiny bells, and wonders in her video diary if the exotic women were supposed to "turn her on."

    Caroline says she loves the atmosphere, which envelopes you. No, that's not our spelling error. We imagine that Aladdin just "sends" her. We hope it sends her to a faraway land.

    Kathy's fascination with generic Middle Eastern settings continues into the next episode, when she throws a birthday party for husband Rich at Aladdin. This time, everybody seems game, especially after they share flavored tobacco in hookahs. Kathy enjoys letting the smoke curl out her nostrils, and Joe Gorga says he's getting high. He asks his wife Melissa if he could smell her armpits, then points out the "sexy" scar on his wife's back.

    Caroline says she loves the atmosphere, which envelopes you. No, that's not our spelling error. We imagine that Aladdin just "sends" her. We hope it sends her to a faraway land.

    A cake arrives with sparklers, and everybody hits the dance floor, where it's snowing dollar bills. Melissa does a sorry camel walk, and Rich remarks that she's a talented singer but "can't dance for shit."

    Caroline Manzo may fantasize about wooden spoons as child correctives, but when it comes to her children the fantasy factory is on full blast. She insists they are all captains of industry in the making. We’re glad she supports her kids. And she seems to have better luck than Jacqueline, whose daughter Ashley is alternatively thrown out of her home and celebrated for making a pathetically designed T-shirt for the opening of Lauren Manzo’s makeup-counter empire.

    But Caroline’s boys seem tangled up in a venture that makes Lauren’s makeup counter seem like the next Google and Ashley the next Steve Jobs.

    Chris and Albie Manzo have teamed up with uncle Chris and several official-looking young people (no doubt with well-designed resumes) to form some sort of entrepreneurial organization called The New Star Group. Young Chris is full of ideas: He wants to develop a book about what chemicals people crap out into sewers and a cell phone breathalyzer to help you avoid DUIs.

    A stuffed shirt with glasses says, “I like that Chris, thinking outside of the box,” as Albie rolls his eyes.

    Later the New Star Group meets with a woman who wants them to convince her that they’re the right group to sell her brand new product: Black water. The boys put on a truly impressive sales pitch, yet no one ever asks or explains what makes black water black and why anyone would drink it.

    Caroline seems to think it is a mark of true entrepreneurial spirit that two boys from a state famous for pollution would tackle black water. We think no one in their right minds would buy black water, but then again, we never went to business school. Did any of the Manzos?

    The season has been building toward the reconciliation of Teresa and her brother Joe Gorga. After the season-opening brawl at the christening of Joe Gorga’s son, things could only go up, we said to ourselves. And the apparent reconciliation of Teresa and Melissa seemed promising.

    Nothing is more important than family and no slight, however great, small, or imagined, will ever really be forgiven.

    This week, Teresa even reaches out to her brother to invite him to her book signing. Joe and Melissa show up to offer their support, as do Kathy and Rich. Joe buys 10 of Teresa’s books, and thanks her for the heartfelt dedication she writes in one of them.

    “It’s all going so well!” we said to ourselves.

    And then the show crashed back to reality. Suddenly Joe goes on the offensive, telling Teresa to handle her husband, who has been threatening him via text message. Melissa and Teresa begin to accuse and counter accuse, and we realized that one source of this whole conflict is a combination of poor social skills, misunderstandings and terrible tempers on both sides.

    Not to mention an old Italian-American habit of cherishing family and grudges with equal force. Nothing is more important than family and no slight, however great, small, or imagined, will ever really be forgiven.

    Teresa returns, in purple furs, exhausted from signing books and seeing family members, to a house full of company and a totally blitzed husband. Teresa remarks that he must have been drinking for the last four or five hours.

    This is when we realized that the second source of this conflict is Joe Giudice, who is now officially the most hateful husband on any franchise of The Real Housewives. That’s right, we’ve had it up to here with him.

    After slobbering around drunk in front of his children and nearly cracking his head open doing a gymnastic stunt, he starts cursing at Teresa’s brother Joe as Teresa tries to figure out what happened between them. Joe shows her his texts and then insists that Teresa started her brother’s successful company and that her brother is jealous of Teresa for being taller and having more hair.

    “He’s a faggot,” he says repeatedly. “Nothing against the faggots, but he’s a faggot.”

    Well, Joe, nothing against drunk bigoted assholes, but you’re a drunk bigoted asshole.

    unspecified
    news/entertainment

    weekend event planner

    Here are the 15 best things to do in Houston this weekend

    Craig D. Lindsey
    Jun 11, 2025 | 6:30 pm

    This weekend is Father’s Day weekend. If you have one of those dads who likes leaving the house and doing stuff, lots of events are happening where you can hang and chill with Pops.

    Take dad to an art-show opening, a one-night-only haunted house, a Japanese indoor festival, a white linen night, two concerts featuring two legendary, renegade groups, or a new digital restoration of an indie-film classic. If all else fails, head over to Typhoon Texas and let dad float a lazy river for free.

    Thursday, June 12

    Architecture Center Houston presents Falon Mihalic: "Verdant Laboratory" opening reception
    This immersive exhibition by artist and landscape architect Falon Mihalic explores Houston’s wild ecologies through large-scale drawings, sculpture, and video. The exhibition highlights the city’s living landscape as a vital force in building urban resilience. As the effects of climate change become more visible and the city of Houston continues to grow, this exhibit prompts a critical question: How can we foreground landscape ecology in shaping the resilient cities of tomorrow? Through Friday, August 22. 5:30 pm.

    The Wiggles: Bouncing Balls! Tour
    With this interactive show based on the hit single “Bouncing Balls,” The Wiggles aims to spark creativity, curiosity, and a love of learning through their signature mix of entertainment and education. Families can sing, dance, and wiggle along to the high energy musical extravaganza, featuring all eight Wiggles: OG Blue Wiggle Anthony, Simon, Lachy, Tsehay, John, Lucia, Caterina, and Evie. 6 pm.

    Houston Ballet presents Sparrow
    Houston Ballet's final program of their 2024-2025 season, Sparrow features three one-act ballets by choreographers spanning from yesterday’s eminence to today’s prominence: George Balanchine, Houston Ballet director emeritus Ben Stevenson, and artistic director Stanton Welch. Along with Balanchine’s Theme and Variations and Stevenson’s Four Last Songs, Welch’s Sparrow, set to some of Simon & Garfunkel’s most recognizable music, fills the stage with a vibrant and large ensemble cast. Through Sunday, June 22. 7:30 pm (2 pm Sunday).

    Friday, June 13

    Clear Lake Symphony presents Season Closing Concert
    The Clear Lake Symphony will perform their sixth and final concert of their 49th season, with music including Russian Sailor’s Dance by Gliere; Piano Concerto No. 2 Opus 18 by Rachmaninoff (featuring Dr. Stephanie Chen, guest pianist); and Symphony No 3 in C Minor (Organ Symphony) by Saint-Saens (featuring Dr. Brad Morrison, guest organist). The Symphony will be led by Robert Wall, in his 31st year as conductor. 7:30 pm.

    Cultural Center "Our Texas" presents Kseniia Abramovskaia: "The Artist Behind The Trees & Cats" opening reception
    Russian-born, Houston-based artist Kseniia Abramovskaia transforms wood and canvas into worlds where nature pulses with life, and the mystical feline reigns. With acrylics, spray paint, palette knives, and brushes, she constructs textured landscapes brimming with movement and emotion. Her pieces are more than visual treats; they are storytelling spectacles. The exhibition marks Abramovskaia's first solo show, where nature meets the artist, one tree, one cat, and one bold brushstroke at a time. Through Friday, July 18. 7:30 pm.

    Punch Line Houston presents Emil Wakim
    Brooklyn comedian Emil Wakim just finished his first year as the first Lebanese-American cast member on Saturday Night Live’s milestone 50th season. He made his late-night television debut on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and was selected as a New Face of Comedy at the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal. Wakim has also opened for comedians like Roy Wood Jr., Kyle Kinane, Nikki Glaser, Hasan Minhaj, and Neal Brennan. 7:30 pm (7 and 9:15 pm Saturday).

    13th Floor Haunted House presents Blackout
    We know it’s the summer, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a bit frightened this time of year. Blackout is a one-day event where monsters and mayhem lurk in total darkness. Upon arriving, each group (not each person) is given one glow stick. Venturing into the depths of darkness, a horde of monsters roam freely. Visitors may catch a glimpse of them under the glow of black lights, but monsters may steal glow sticks, leaving groups in the dark. 8 pm.

    Saturday, June 14

    Tokyo X
    There’s a good chance all the weebs (translation: non-Japanese people who like Japanese stuff) in town will be at NRG Center for Houston’s biggest Japanese indoor festival. Tokyo X is a two-day celebration of Japanese culture that seamlessly blends modern and traditional elements. It will be a showcase of Japanese culture featuring renowned anime voice actors, cosplay, a car show, live concerts, martial arts demonstrations, workshops, free arcades, 30+ food vendors, and more. 10 am.

    White Linen Night—A Local Art Affair
    Residents and visitors to League City are invited to dress in white and step into an enchanting evening of art, culture, and community during the City’s White Linen Night—A Local Art Affair. Inspired by the timeless New Orleans tradition of wearing white linen to embrace the summer season and stay cool in the heat, this night invites guests to enjoy an evening of artistic discovery, local talent, live entertainment, food and drinks, and neighborly connection under the canopy of century-old oak trees. 4 pm.

    City Place presents Hot Nights, Cool Grooves
    At the summer concert experience Hot Nights, Cool Grooves, guests can enjoy a picturesque setting overlooking waterfront City Place Park and a monthly showcase of regional musical artists from a variety of genres. Each evening will feature back-to-back sets, food trucks, promotional pop-ups, beer samplings from Saint Arnold, photo opportunities, swag giveaways, and other surprise elements. Through Thursday, August 2. 5:30 pm.

    Metallica and Wu Tang Clan in concert
    Two legendary groups will be in Houston this Saturday night. For the hardcore metal heads, Metallica will be at NRG Stadium, performing the same headbanging classics that made them the veteran rock giants they are today. For all the hardcore hip-hop heads, the surviving members of the Wu-Tang Clan (RIP ODB!) will be at Toyota Center. They’ll be hitting you with some iconic, East Coast rap as part of their final tour, Wu-Tang Forever: The Final Chamber. 6 pm and 8 pm.

    Sunday, June 15

    Father’s Day at Typhoon Texas
    This weekend, all the fathers out there will be getting a hookup, courtesy of Typhoon Texas. Simply purchase anyticket at the gate, and dad gets in free. Theoffer is valid only at the gate, and cannot be combined with any other offer. (It’s also not available online.) Now celebrating its 10th year, Typhoon Texas offers multiple water slides, a massive wave pool, a winding lazy river, and a child-friendly play area including Typhoon Jr., aka five, junior-sized versions of its most popular waterslides. 11 am.

    The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston presents Killer of Sheep
    Killer of Sheep examines life in mid-’70s, Los Angeles neighborhood Watts through the eyes of Stan (Houston native Henry G. Sanders), a sensitive dreamer who is growing detached from the psychic toll of working at a slaughterhouse. Frustrated by money problems, he finds respite in moments of simple beauty. Charles Burnett’s acclaimed debut — screening in a stunning new restoration — combines lyrical elements with a starkly neorealist, documentary-style approach that chronicles the unfolding story with depth and riveting simplicity. 5 pm.

    Performing Arts Houston presents Glory to Glory (A Revival For Spiritual and Devotional Art)
    The only event from Solange Knowles’ Eldorado Ballroom live music series that isn’t sold out, this program celebrates women shaping Black praise in contemporary spiritual and devotional sounds. Gospel icon Twinkie Clark takes center stage alongside The Clark Sisters in a tribute to her unmatched artistry. The evening also pays tribute to Mary Lou Williams, a jazz luminary whose spiritual choral works continue to resonate with the brilliance that once guided legends like Duke Ellington, Thelonious Monk, and Miles Davis. 6:30 pm.

    Metallica
      
    Photo by Herring Herring

    Metallica performs at NRG Stadium on Saturday.

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