For love or money
A winning pie: Houston's Weatherman avoids the puke, gets the rose & woos thecougar on Bachelor Pad
Hello, singletons! Ready for an evening of hot bodies and sexy sex?
Just kidding! We're gonna watch some skinny bitches throw up some pie. Is this The Bachelor Pad or America's Next Top Model? Hope you weren't watching while eating dinner like I was.
Well, I was eating dinner — until Tenley started lapping up her own vomit. Yum!
The pie eating contest to open the show was less surprising than lame and disgusting. Yes, the small people won. (Have these people never heard of Kobayashi?) Swimsuit model Gia gets the win for the girls, and Houston's Weatherman Jonathan Novack beats all the big boys to get a rose and immunity.
Whereas last week all the maneuvering and drama was romantically-based, this week begat the alliances: The Insiders (Elizabeth, Tenley, Ashley, Jessie, Natalie, Kovacs, Kiptyn, and David) versus the Outsiders (everyone else).
To consolidate the Outsiders, Weatherman (Jonathan and I are no longer fighting the nickname) takes out Ashley, Peyton and Gwen. The trio get half naked (yes, Weatherman breaks out the speedo) and paint each other and a giant brown spot on the floor. Though Novack secures a promise to join the Outsiders from each lady, he fails to lock in Ashley with a rose in the hopes of wooing classy cougar Gwen.
After all, they are the only two people to ever visit Positano, Italy! Gwen's take? "Never gonna happen."
Gia takes Craig, Wes and Jesse B. on her date, choosing Jesse "at random" by drawing names — it just happened that all the cards she wrote read "Jesse Beck." I'm not sure if I'm more surprised that Gia thought of this or that no one else picked up on it or thought to check the discarded notes.
Despite a promise to give Craig the rose to save him from a guaranteed vote off, Gia gets Jesse hot and bothered and is overwhelmed by Wes's proclamations of love — and switches the rose to Wes. No fear, Craig: Gia thinks she still has the votes to keep him and get rid of Kiptyn with her tie-breaker.
At what seems like the 11th hour, the Insiders begin to question their numbers and stage a counterattack. Elizabeth gives Ashley the cold stare and a threat that if she betrays them, she is gone. Dave tells make-out partner Jessie she's on the line for pledging allegiance to the Insiders (she had a side-deal with Craig dating back to the premiere). Too little, too late: Jessie's eliminated easily when both sides (minus David) declare her a traitor.
Meanwhile the Insider boys and Kiptyn, ever the puppy dog, need to peel off a female to save him and send Craig (who is perpetually dressed like he's auditioning for the next Miami Vice remake) packing. Faced with kicking a puppy or cementing a key loss for her team and her own sure ouster, Nikki goes back on her word, saves Kiptyn, and sends Craig packing.
Some thoughts for next week:
- Can the Outsiders survive the loss of a key male alliance member?
- Does Melissa have a purpose on the show?
- Where will the cameramen catch Elizabeth and Kovacs getting busy next?
- And does the Weatherman have a chance with Gwen?