The Art of War in Franklin Lakes
Aftershocks: Could The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Ashley really be headedto jail?
Joe suddenly turns into an engaged dad when the kids are pummeling each other.
Yes, there are double agents in Franklin Lakes.
Has Danielle Staub been studying Sun Tzu’s The Art of War?
Maybe not, but this week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, we learned that there’s a whole lot more to finishing a fight than just a fist full of hair. And a well-timed table flip in front of the whole family isn’t the only way to bring a bitch down. Or even a bitch’s daughter.
Sure, the episode gave us the impression that it was yet another week of girl-on-girl pummeling as Joe took his three unruly daughters to HoSan Tae Kwon Do and egged them on: “Punch her, punch her, get her, get her!” The stocky, usually indifferent dad brings a whole new meaning to sibling rivalry.
Danielle had a family moment as well, bringing her two daughters to her very first boxing lesson. The girls are an enthusiastic audience, and both don a pair of gloves in the ring to support mom as she punches left, then right, chanting “Teresa, Jacqueline, Teresa, Jacqueline.” In the end, however, it was Danielle’s legal maneuvers that recalled the ancient Chinese master who strategized so profoundly that he could have taught Machiavelli a thing or two.
“It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of war that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on,” wrote Sun Tzu.
As Danielle is perfecting the one-two-duck, she exclaims that in fact, she has never thrown a punch in her life. Of course, combatants Jacqueline and Teresa are quick to point out the pistol-whipping Danielle allegedly delivered some 25 years ago, the one that allegedly landed her in jail.
In the ring with her new teacher Darren, Danielle instructs that “it only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never move again.” What insight from a professed pacifist! And like any sensible reality star, Danielle knows that the profits won’t roll in unless she keeps stirring the pot.
Constant escalation drove our favorite Franklin Lakes housewife, Dina, away from the show.
But Danielle also knows that it’s better to take an indirect route. As Sun Tzu said, “Supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting. “
As she makes her way from the parking lot of the Wayne Township Municipal Complex, followed by cameras and behaving more like a runway model than a victim, Danielle tells attorney Darren DelSardo, “I felt in fear for my life.”
We assume she’s still referring to the little hair pull last week, but from her demeanor you’d think a capital crime had been committed. Witness “Lisa” says there were screams and crashing plates and dishes.
We only remember the screams, but it remains that Danielle’s petty pretenses have entirely flummoxed the Manzo clan. The brilliant coup de grace is that she manages to turn her own infamous pistol-packing past against 19-year-old Ashley.
Danielle says she was only 22 when she faced federal charges of extortion and cocaine possession. What could the next three years bring for our darling Ashley?
But crafty Danielle doesn’t realize that all of her ducks aren’t necessarily in a tidy row. There’s the little matter of the double-agent duo, Kim G. and Kim D. Don’t forget your Art of War, Danielle: “We cannot enter into alliances until we are acquainted with the designs of our neighbors.”
Not only does Posche boutique owner Kim D. side with Teresa after the brawl, but soon after the elderly Kim G. escorts Danielle to court, she jogs over to neighbor Jacqueline’s house to make amends. Jacqueline invites her in from the cold, where all spies love to hang out. Jacqueline gets right to the point and calls Kim G. “two-faced.”
We couldn’t believe she would fold so quickly, offering to stride arm-in-arm with defiant momma Jacqueline should Ashley be dragged into court. But then we realized that we are the worst two-faced double-agents of all. After weeks of hating on Danielle, we’ve started to acknowledge her winning ways even if we are both excited and repulsed by the possibility of a women’s prison reality series starring the impudent Ashley.
It’s not clear who will win this war, or what side we’ll end up on, dear readers. More dark and stormy nights in Franklin Lakes are inevitable,and in such times we too turn to Sun Tzu: “If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
