World Wide Ebb (and Flow)
Mel Gibson kittens, Beyonce impostors, oil-soaked SpongeBob: There's more onlinethan the corpse flower
You can't click your mouse anywhere online today without being hit by a barrage of corpse flower hoopla. Twitter and Facebook are littered with virtual coverage, and you can't get a tweet in edgewise.
The media is unabashedlyturning this one-trick pony into a national equestrian championship (and we're not above it, either).
But please don't judge us. It's a muggy July day in Houston. If we're not in Aspen, our bums are squarely planted in front of a computer for an eight-hour corporate sentence. Let us have a little entertainment at our own expense.
Some, however, aren't resting on the social web's stench-obsessed laurels. Resourceful technology mavens holed up in their air-conditioned basement offices are still nibbling at tastier, less rotting-flesh-smelling cheese.
So, as a corpse flower coverage respite, here's your virtual brie sandwich. It's our treat.
If You Want to Yell, Mel, Use a Kitten!
What's worse than being Mel Gibson's girlfriend? Being his ex-girlfriend, of course. If you can't stomach the misogynist, racist rants making the Internet rounds, soften the blow with kittens. Being called a see-you-next-Tuesday never seemed so precious.
Three iPhones, One Girl
Leave it to the Asians to make impersonating someone as multitalented as Beyonce so technically effortless. Not only does the unassuming girl in this YouTube video have the pipes of a pop princess, but she mixes the entire beat for "Irreplaceable" via iPhones. From the comfort of her couch. We're not worthy.
R.I.P. SpongeBob; With Love, BP
Living in a pineapple under the sea was always an impractical residence for the darling Mr. SquarePants. But his fancy-free lifestyle has come to an abrupt halt following the onset of the BP oil spill, mercilessly portrayed by local graphic designer Ben Gillin. Which means there's some newly-available real estate with a prime disasterfront view. Or fruit for your Giada de Laurentiis creation.
A Betrayal of the Juiciest Double-Double Kind
Josh Capon, you low-down, greasy creep. It's not as if anyone wanted the secret behind the fast-food decadence of In-N-Out Burger. And yet, your treachery exposes the wonderburger in all its gory glory, then applies it to your dishonest Lure burger.
How dare you call your burgers anything but what they are — stolen goods. We're branding you a burger bandit.
A Question That Needs an Answer
Who doesn't enjoy a good acoustic cover? Samwell's strangely mesmerizing "What What in the Butt" video made him an Internet celebrity in 2007, but he recently teamed up with Them Crooked Vultures' Josh Homme to pull a classic rockstar revival move — the unplugged series.
Overproduced electronic synthesizers or not, "Do you wanna do it in my butt?" never quite loses its campy humor. Nor elicits quite a more empassioned response.