By his tail
Money for nothing: Tiger Woods paying Elin $100 million for silence that shewould have given anyways
Tiger Woods isn't just a careless, paranoid cad. He's also shockingly easily manipulated.
With his divorce from Elin Nordegren expected to become final within a matter of days (sometime over this Fourth of July weekend when there's less media coverage on everything, if Tiger has his way), it's come out that the monster settlement hinges on her never saying anything publicly about the details of their marriage (or the depth of his betrayal) even after Tiger is dead.
In other words, if the greatest golfer in history kicks the bucket before his ex, she still cannot come out with a book or go on the show of Oprah's replacement.
For this, Elin will get as much as $750 million over her lifetime.
Which makes Tiger a fool.
Does he not know his own wife? Elin Nordegren was never going to go on a Tiger-dissing, dirt-spewing, media tour no matter how contentious the divorce grew. That's not in her personality and it never was.
Elin Nordegren is the most reserved high-profile celebrity wife of our time. She married the biggest sports star in the world, but she never wanted the attention. Remember, the last sit-down interview of Elin Nordegren you watched? Of course not, because there isn't one. Her public quotes — even from the happiest of times or what she thought was the happiest of times — can be counted on two fingers. Long before Tiger's Wilt-Chamberlain-level womanizing came out, Elin was notorious for turning down interviews.
She couldn't have been more polite while doing it, but she always did it. Elin would rather go through surgery than sit down and bare her soul to a journalist or a "kind" TV couch host.
I walked the final 18 holes of that epic 90-hole 2008 U.S. Open inside the ropes as Elin Woods did the same thing. She was exceedingly nice to myself and any other writer, who came up and tried to get some reaction as she watched her husband hobble his way to the most dramatic win of his career. She'd make small talk with you. But she'd say nothing on the record.
That's Elin in a nutshell.
This isn't some Real Housewife desperate for attention. Elin comes from a prominent Swedish family. One of her first purchases on her own — in the wake of Tiger's sexting spree — was a castle with a moat around it.
She was never going to embarrass herself, her kids or her kids' dad on TV no matter how angry she is. She'd be more horrified than anyone by that thought.
There's no doubt that Elin deserves a massive divorce settlement — perhaps, even a record-breaking one. If Tiger Woods was agreeing to the $750 million — or probably-more-accurate $100 million figure that's also starting to be floated out there — because of well-deserved shame or appreciation for the woman whose heart he broke, more power to him. (He can afford either one, no matter what you've heard about the limits to his net worth.)
Instead though, Tiger seems to be paying to quell his raging paranoia. He needs that gag order on Elin. He must be back in control.
The funny thing is that even now, even after everything, Elin would have likely protected Tiger Woods anyways.
Tiger barely seems to know the woman he married. It makes one wonder if he ever did.