Party in the U.S.A.

The Procrastinator's Guide to the Fourth of July

Fourth of July isn't just about fireworks in Houston.
La Torretta Lake Resort is offering a special getaway package.
Photo by Thomas Hart Shelby

The recipe for a good Independence Day is pretty simple: Barbecue + bathing suit = backyard bliss.

But there's no reason not to take this holiday weekend up a notch. Luckily, CultureMap's got the round-up of all the happenings, from posh to patriotic, to have a most festive Fourth.

- The big event every year is the Freedom Over Texas concert and fireworks at Eleanor Tinsley Park from 4-10 p.m. on July 4. In addition to being the largest land-based fireworks demonstration in the country, the concert is headlined by Texas country crooner Pat Green.

- Neighboring Baytown's Fourth of July Festival is set to one-up Houston with two days of sun, fun and music Saturday and Sunday. The big draw will be Saturday night at 8 p.m. when '70s legends Blue Oyster Cult take the stage.

- For a party in a more posh setting on July 4, head to CityCentre, where retro cover band Video Vamp will entertain shoppers before a fireworks show.

- If fireworks means a day at the lake, do it in style on Lake Conroe with La Torretta Lake Resort's July 4th Fireworks Cruise Package. It includes a night in a one-bedroom suite and two tickets on the "Little Palm," an 80-foot luxury houseboat cruiser, for a two-hour trip on the lake. The cruise features a variety of hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar — and culminates in a fireworks display overhead.

- Fans of dogs and sports alike shouldn't miss national touring event DockDogs when it comes to Discovery Green Friday through Sunday. Dogs of all size, stripe and breed compete in a long jump from a 20-foot runway into a 40-foot pool, with winners crowned in height, speed and retrieval time categories. This is a truly athletic competition, with some jumps catching over 24 feet of air!

- Show your patriotism in your drink order this weekend. Cyclone Anaya's is offering the Independence Margarita, with frozen margaritas, Chambord and Blue Curaçao striped in a pilsner glass.

Or grab the fresh and fruity Stars and Stripes Martini at RA Sushi, a mix of muddled blueberries, Skyy Citrus vodka, Chambord, Blue Curacao, lemonade, simple syrup and lemon-lime soda. At the newly refurbished 5115 in the Galleria, guests can sip Patriotic punch, a mix of Tito's vodka, Railean rum, strawberries, blueberries and blackberries, and enjoy it with the All-American Dog — a Kobe beef hot dog served with four-cheese mac and cheese and freedom fries.

- Branch Water Tavern is getting in on the celebration with its First Annual Fourth of July Pig Roast. On Sunday from 1-10 p.m., all comers who order a drink at the bar get a complimentary meal of roasted suckling pig with all-American sides and homemade biscuits. There are also other a la carte specials, like a Bombshell Blonde Beer and Kobe beef burger combo for $10.

- Randy Rucker's Bootsie's Heritage Cafe in Tomball is also breaking out the smoker, serving up a backyard barbecue menu of pulled pork, duck and beef brisket all weekend.

- Pico's Mex-Mex is having a north-of-the-border buffet on July 4 from 11:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. For $12.95, you get all-you-can-eat grilled pork, beef and chicken, sliders, and hot dogs, plus $5 bottomless mimosas and $2.75 micheladas.

- History buffs looking for a holiday that's more Independence Day than Fourth of July should head to Bayou Bend for its annual extravaganza of Americana, with historical performers, activities, crafts and refreshments, plus a Texas-sized Declaration of Independence to put your John Hancock on.

- Looking for cultural history of a different sort? Don't miss the Shen Yun Performing Arts, dancers reinvigorating 5,000 years of Chinese cultural patrimony in a dazzling display. They'll be in Houston for three shows Friday and Saturday at the Wortham Theater Center.

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Movie Review

Michelle Pfeiffer visits Houston in new Christmas movie Oh. What. Fun.

Photo courtesy of Amazon MGM Studios

Michelle Pfeiffer in Oh. What. Fun.

Of all the formulaic movie genres, Christmas/holiday movies are among the most predictable. No matter what the problem is that arises between family members, friends, or potential romantic partners, the stories in holiday movies are designed to give viewers a feel-good ending even if the majority of the movie makes you feel pretty bad.

That’s certainly the case in Oh. What. Fun., in which Michelle Pfeiffer plays Claire, an underappreciated mom living in Houston with her inattentive husband, Nick (Denis Leary). As the film begins, her three children are arriving back home for Christmas: The high-strung Channing (Felicity Jones) is married to the milquetoast Doug (Jason Schwartzman); the aloof Taylor (Chloë Grace Moretz) brings home yet another new girlfriend; and the perpetual child Sammy (Dominic Sessa) has just broken up with his girlfriend.

Each of the family members seems to be oblivious to everything Claire does for them, especially when it comes to what she really wants: For them to nominate her to win a trip to see a talk show in L.A. hosted by Zazzy Tims (Eva Longoria). When she accidentally gets left behind on a planned outing to see a show, Claire reaches her breaking point and — in a kind of Home Alone in reverse — she decides to drive across the country to get to the show herself.

Written and directed by Michael Showalter (The Idea of You), and co-written by Chandler Baker (who wrote the short story on which the film is based), the movie never establishes any kind of enjoyable rhythm. Each of the characters, including competitive neighbor Jeanne (Joan Chen), is assigned a character trait that becomes their entire personality, with none of them allowed to evolve into something deeper.

The filmmakers lean hard into the idea that Claire is a person who always puts her family first and receives very little in return, but the evidence presented in the story is sketchy at best. Every situation shown in the film is so superficial that tension barely exists, and the (over)reactions by Claire give her family members few opportunities to make up for their failings.

The most interesting part of the movie comes when Claire actually makes it to the Zazzy Sims show. Even though what happens there is just as unbelievable as anything else presented in the story, Showalter and Baker concoct a scene that allows Claire and others to fully express the central theme of the film, and for a few minutes the movie actually lives up to its title.

Pfeiffer, given her first leading role since 2020’s French Exit, is a somewhat manic presence, and her thick Texas accent and unnecessary voiceover don’t do her any favors. It seems weird to have such a strong supporting cast with almost nothing of substance to do, but almost all of them are wasted, including Danielle Brooks in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo. The lone exception is Longoria, who is a blast in the few scenes she gets.

Oh. What. Fun. is far from the first movie to try and fail at becoming a new holiday classic, but the pedigree of Showalter and the cast make this dismal viewing experience extra disappointing. Ironically, overworked and underappreciated moms deserve a much better story than the one this movie delivers.

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Oh. What. Fun. is now streaming on Prime Video.

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