Better With Time

Grown up boy bands bring out fine Houston women to gawk at Donnie Wahlberg's hotbod

Photo by Jayme Lamm
Donnie Wahlberg
A fan shows true allegiance
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm
Photo by Jayme Lamm

I was 8 when I went to my first concert, which just so happened to be New Kids on the Block. I was 8 ½ for my second one, which coincidentally was also NKOTB. Of course I went with my mother who accompanied me pretty much everywhere at the time.

I think she single-handedly prevented one of the guys from falling in love with me back then, but I kind of let it go. Even at that young age, I knew the magnitude of the craziness that I was willingly walking into (and spending my allowance on) at the Hampton Coliseum.

Nearly two decades later I found myself walking into the Toyota Center Saturday night to relive my youth at the New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys concert. This time, instead of my mom by my side, I had my wacky friend Beth adorned in her I heart Joey T-shirt. Whether you call it classic, vintage, or just too good to let go, the T-shirt was a sure-fire hit with the other crazed fans.

Wondering how the concert was set up, I asked tour manager assistant, Katharina Gauss how it worked. Does New Kids on the Block go on stage first and then Backstreet Boys or vice versa?

“No, they go on together. They share the stage. Like the ‘B’ in NKOTBSB,” she informed me. For a minute I was confused. I wanted to blame it on the whiskey, but it was probably my school-girlish excitement that prevented me from such concentration.

I guess I forgot the valuable years that separated the two groups thinking at one time they were boy-band rivals, but alas, I was confusing my Jordan Knight crush with my Justin Timberlake and 'N Sync crush. Of course NKOTB and BSB could share a stage. And the “B”.

Donnie dominates. It should be criminal for a 41-year-old to have a body like that.

It’s funny how things change just like your parents and all the other adults warned they would. Growing up, I was in awe of (OK, obsessed with) with Jordan Knight. Out of all the New Kids, he was by far my favorite.

And of course the one I knew I had a chance with. We had so much in common — he was the youngest of six kids, and I was an only child. He was born in May and I in November. At the age of 8 nothing really made sense, but I knew I loved him with my whole heart. I even told TJ Waller, my real-life boyfriend at the time that I could no longer be his girl. It didn’t feel right, what I was doing to Jordan, so I ended it with TJ immediately.

But now … well now, I’ve grown up. I realized I had absolutely nothing in common with Knight. And while on paper it may have sounded like a match made in heaven, in my heart I knew it was never going to amount to anything.

And besides, I’ve moved on. TO DONNIE WAHLBERG! The man is hawt. And not just on stage at a concert — I fell in love with him in my new favorite show Blue Bloods. He plays Danny Reagan, a sexy detective who happens to solve every single crime in all of NY.

On stage (and in my heart), Donnie Wahlberg dominates. It should be criminal for a 41-year-old to have a body like that. Ripping off his tried and true Paul Pierce Celtics jersey for the last act was almost too much for this now legal girl fan to handle. I tried to think back and recall if any of the guys ripped their shirts off when I was 8, but sadly, I couldn’t recall. I even called my mom to see if she remembered, but no such luck.

See the difference (and I’m sure both NKOTB and BSB can vouch for this) is that if they did rip their shirts off back in the day, we were only screaming for two reasons. Either they were about to throw an article of clothing into the crowd that if we were lucky enough to snag would give us the right to brag until the end of the school year about having or we were so young — and young girls scream at anything and everything.

Ripping their clothes off today means only one thing — we can appreciate those manly, sweaty bodies that we now longed for — in a different way than when we were 8 of course.

The guys put on a damn good show. Filling the the Toyota Center to 98 percent capacity was much more than most Houston Rockets games did the past few seasons. Making girls of almost every age swoon and bring out the bright magic markers and poster board for their I heart NKOTBSB signs was another notable factor. When’s the last time you saw a hot girl in sequins and hair scrunchies hold up a I heart Chase Budinger sign?

Dear Donnie, Danny, Joe, Jordan, Jon, Nick, AJ, Brian and Howie,

Quit playing games with my heart. I’ll be loving you forever.

Sincerely, every girl in Houston.

unspecified

Movie Review

Denzel Washington brings new spectacle to the Colosseum in Gladiator II

Photo courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Paul Mescal in Gladiator II.

There are some films for which making a sequel is natural, and others where a follow-up is wholly unnecessary. Gladiator, which made both tons of money and was named Best Picture at the Oscars, told an impactful stand-alone story that ended with the protagonist dead and no real loose ends. And yet because there’s always more money to be made, here we are 24 years later with Gladiator II.

The lead character this time around is Lucius (Paul Mescal), a general in a North African army who becomes a prisoner of war when the Roman army led by Marcus Acacius (Pedro Pascal) bests him and his troops in battle. Taken back to Rome, he is put in the pool of captured men forced to fight at the Colosseum for the amusement of twin emperors Geta (Joseph Quinn) and Caracella (Fred Hechinger).

Lucius is controlled by Macrinus (Denzel Washington), an ambitious schemer who bets liberally on his prized fighter and always has an eye to move up in the world. Meanwhile, Lucilla (Connie Nielsen), the sister of Emperor Commodus from the first film, is now married to Marcus Acacius and has a unique connection with Lucius that is fairly obvious from the get-go.

Directed once again by Ridley Scott and written by David Scarpa, the film commits a number of sins throughout its 150-minute running time, the most blatant of which is that, aside from a few embellishments, it essentially tells the same story as the first film. Lucius, like Maximus, is a deposed military leader who’s out for revenge on the person who killed his family. Instead of one obnoxious emperor, there are now two. And the only way for Lucius to earn his freedom is to fight his way out.

Stories told in the same world can echo each other and, if done well, overcome those similarities. But Gladiator II is shockingly boring for a purported sword-and-sandals epic. Scott and his team try to introduce new elements to the fights, like a gladiator riding a rhinoceros or a ship battle inside the Colosseum (with sharks!), but most of the sequences are inert with no propulsion to them.

The action fails because none of the relationships in the film amount to much. There are stand-out characters like Macrinus and the twin emperors, but instead of creating antipathy or strong feelings of triumph or defeat, the story just kind of happens without any sense of excitement or importance. Much of that issue lies at the feet of Lucius, who simply doesn’t inspire in the same way that Russell Crowe’s Maximus did.

Mescal is a fine actor who’s done good work in more intimate roles, but he’s not up to the task of being an action star, at least not in this film. Any bombast he shows with the character feels forced, and the story doesn’t give him enough opportunities to counteract that lack. Washington, however, fills up the screen with his charisma, and it’s during his scenes that the film comes closest to being rousing. Quinn and Hechinger are a lot of fun as the twin emperors, but in the end they feel like retreads of Joaquin Phoenix from the original.

Any sequel should have a purpose that sets it apart from what came before, but Scott, Scarpa, and the rest of their team fail in that respect in Gladiator II. It’s a mostly lifeless film that delivers scenes that would be exciting if they had any kind of good story to back them up.

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Gladiator II opens in theaters on November 22.

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