We'd like to request a moment of silence, please. Because the messenger that had to break it to CEO Steve Ballmer that Microsoft drools and Apple rules was undoubtedly shot.

In news that Steve Jobs disciples have known for years (and confirmation of which Microsoftonians have dreaded), Apple has officially been declared more awesome than Microsoft.

Next on CultureMap? Grass is green. Erica Rose is rich. Houston is hot. Breaking, we know.

All quips aside, now that Apple has been publicly outed for its fabulosity (having passed its main competitor on the NASDQ to become the leading technology company in the world), you're probably wondering, "What does this mean, anyway?"

Well, don't most washed up celebrities find their homes on reality television? We think Microsoft execs could now probably convince the producers of The Surreal Life that they need to star in a seventh season, don't you? At the very least.

In all seriousness (sort of), it means that Apple shot past Microsoft as the world's biggest tech company based on market value. A bunch of other things happened with percentages and acronyms, but suffice it to say, when the stockbrokers put their Blackberries back on the chargers at the end of the day, Apple was the undisputed victor in the Clash of the Tech Titans.

Not to mention that Apple's now the second-largest American company, behind oil behemoth Exxon Mobil. A domination which we're sure will be rectified soon, once our cars are equipped with Mr. Fusions. Fingers crossed that's before 2012.

But if you think Microsoft's going to take this one lying down, think again. Ballmer quickly shook off his Microsoft Bob blues via denial (maybe by plugging into his Zune?), and is rumored to be joining Apple's CEO Steve Jobs as the keynote speaker at this year's Apple Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC, if you're nasty).

Cyberfiends, your wildest digital dreams are set to manifest themselves in reality! But don't worry — that'll never apply to World of Warcraft. Phew.

If ever there was a case to be made for virtual mud wrestling, please-oh-please let this be the guinea pig. Battle of the Two Steves! Steve vs. Steve — The Ultimate Deathmatch!

Our bets for wielding a worldwide web whipping are on the Jobsinator. Apple's graphical assault would kick Microsoft all the way back to the Millenium Edition.

Watch out, Exxon. You're next.