The Dedicated Playlist

Music to get fired to: A dozen songs inspired by the Celebrity Apprentice seasonfinale

Gary Busey' tender performance of "True Love Ways" from his Oscar-nominated rolein "The Buddy Holly Story" is a reminder of what intrigued us in the firstplace, well before his days as Reality TV gold.
Oh, there are more well-known Meat songs than “Objects In The Rear View MirrorMay Appear Closer Than They Are” but we needed one that was a big, blubberingmess, much like the surprisingly resilient Mr. Loaf has been throughout theseason.
Donald Trump hasn't tried to sing, thank goodness
Photo by Virginia Sherwood/NBC Universal Inc.

I am of the firm belief that every event in life is made more pleasurable with the appropriate music mix. To test that theory, I came up with a list of songs that can help you enjoy the gloriously ridiculous showcase of bizarre celebrity behavior known as The Apprentice. Put this mix on right before Sunday night’s season finale of Celebrity Apprentice and destroy your remaining brain cells.

“Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy” by Big & Rich

When he trotted this song out the first week on acoustic guitar, I was a little worried that John Rich might run his most well-known contribution to the music world into the ground. Luckily, it was just a precursor to his memorable ode to Camping World, which is burrowed into my brain to this day.

“I Think I Love You” by David Cassidy

Alas, David was not long for the game, getting ousted by a Richard Hatch power play in the season opener. That was a shame, really, because he seemed to be wired so tight that some entertaining emotional breakdowns were inevitable. Speaking of emotional breakdowns…

“When It’s Over” by Sugar Ray

For Mark McGrath, the “rocker/TV host” (I would argue that both of those titles play fast and loose with the truth), it was over when he ran up against the Busey juggernaut in the boardroom. And all around the world, statues crumbled for him.

“Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson

Did you know that street blocks light up for all members of the Jackson family when they are accompanied by a sinuous bass line, as Latoya proved in her exit from the show? Did you know that saying Celebrity Apprentice has no shame is as obvious as saying that turtles have no foot speed?

“Angel In The Centerfold” by J. Geils Band

This is one is for Playmate Hope Dworaczyk (thank you, Wikipedia, for that spelling), although “Who Are You” also would have worked fine as a tribute.

“Yeah!” by Usher

Be honest: How many of you figured that Lil Jon in real life was just like the portrayal of him by Dave Chappele? He has been one of the pleasant surprises of this season, both entertaining and a good player, even though he’ll probably come up just short (no pun intended) behind Rich and Marlee Matlin.

“Taxman” by The Beatles

For Richard Hatch, of course. I know. Too easy.

“Homer, Ozzie, and The Straw” from The Simpsons

This song is from the memorable Homer At The Bat episode, which, by the way, featured not only Jose Canseco but also Darryl Strawberry, both of whom were, to put it kindly, big duds in their time on Celebrity Apprentice. Does that mean we can expect to see Roger Clemens next season? Or does it mean I watch way too much TV?

“Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are” by Meat Loaf

Oh, there are more well-known Meat songs, but we needed one that was a big, blubbering mess, much like the surprisingly resilient Mr. Loaf has been throughout the season. That’s why I chose this Bat Out Of Hell II power ballad craptacular, which, as you can tell by the title, is a typically subtle Jim Steinman composition.

“(How To Be A) Millionaire” by ABC

I’d like to think that Trump played this for his 8-year-old son in 1985 to inspire him. “Listen to what he’s saying, Don Jr., and don’t ever forget it. And , by the way, this Martin Fry fellow, he’s going to be huuuuuge.”

“Walk On By” by Dionne Warwick

After seeing her prickly demeanor this season, it doesn’t take a Psychic Friend to see that I’d be walking on by Miss Dionne if I passed her on the street for fear of being berated.

“True Love Ways” by Gary Busey

Do you remember a time when Busey was more than just a punch line? This tender performance from his Oscar-nominated role in The Buddy Holly Story is a reminder of what intrigued us in the first place, well before his days as Reality TV gold.

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Movie Review

The Uprising can't make a medieval rebellion feel relevant to modern times

Photo by Betina La Plante/Focus Features

Andrew Garfield in The Uprising.

Writer/director Paul Greengrass made his name with a cinéma vérité style of filmmaking that brought immediacy and depth to three Jason Bourne films, United 93, Captain Phillips, and more. In The Uprising, he uses those skills to tell the story of the so-called Peasants’ Revolt in 14th century England.

Greengrass wastes no time starting the main plot as Ploughman (Andrew Garfield) and his fellow villagers object to onerous taxes put on them by the country’s nobility, led by the young King Richard II (Woody Norman), to fund an ongoing war. Ploughman initiates a violent response over the tone-deaf — and unseemly — way the king’s guard go about their business, and the rebellion soon starts to spread across the countryside, with the citizens looking for a degree of autonomy.

The ever-expanding group makes their way toward London to try to make their case to the king himself. Meanwhile, the king’s top advisors, including Archbishop Sudbury (Stephen Dillane) and Treasurer Hales (Tom Hollander), try to usurp power from the inexperienced monarch even as the king’s mother (Katherine Waterston) tries to get him to be more assertive.

The history of the English monarchy is long and lurid, as Shakespeare detailed in multiple plays, including Richard II. Though the events in the film took place almost 650 years ago, it’s easy to see parallels between what the peasants were fighting for and modern-day politics. Greengrass’ storytelling intent is solid, and the righteous anger the citizens feel is initially relatable and palpable.

But the populism theme of the story soon gets bogged down in drudgery and minutiae that is difficult to understand, especially when the details are lost in the thick regional English accents. The leaders of the rebels — including John Ball (Jamie Bell), Wat Tyler (Cosmo Jarvis), and Alyce (Thomasin McKenzie) — are shown doing a lot of planning, but the strong feelings they have about their quest don’t come across well, leaving the audience as passive observers.

When there is action, Greengrass and his team employ a frenetic style that is not great for comprehension. While the gist of what is happening and what side is winning is legible, individual moments go by so quickly so as to be nearly meaningless. Save for Ploughman, any connection that has been made with various characters proves futile, as Greengrass doesn’t seem to have any time for emotion. Scenes that should feel thrilling or heartbreaking instead come off as empty.

Garfield is a two-time Oscar nominee who has done great work across multiple genres. He’s fine in this role, but whether it’s the story, the filmmaking, or something else, he’s not as captivating as usual. The same goes for other strong actors like Bell, McKenzie, Dillane, Hollander, and Waterston, who each seem to be giving their all to their performances but are somehow muted in the process.

Done right, The Uprising could have been a rip-roaring account of people standing up against their oppressors. What Greengrass has made, though, is a film that can’t translate its medieval story for a modern audience and concentrates too much on unexciting elements and too little on thrilling ones.

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The Uprising is now playing in theaters.

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