Not what David Stern had in mind ...

Cut the hair Pau: The NBA Playoffs, where amazing drinking happens

Pau Gasol, get a haircut, a shave and better coordination.
A 30-pack of Lone Star goes good with any NBA Playoff game.

I was talking about my hatred for the Lakers (and the Patriots and the Yankees) at our morning editorial meeting today and I think it caught our resident sports authority (Chris Baldwin) by surprise.

"You... you follow basketball?" he sputtered. Chris was skeptical.

Damn straight I follow basketball — at least during the NBA Playoffs. Same goes for college ball. I'm all about it during March Madness. I love Astros games, too (though I rarely watch if I'm not present) and I've never missed the Super Bowl.

It all makes perfect sense to me. I'd get behind any excuse to day drink and socialize in sweat pants. It might be my favorite past-time. Especially on a rainy day like Saturday, what better way to spend an afternoon than posted up to a coffee table with a 30-pack of Lone Star and a generous supply of guacamole?

And I really enjoy presenting and defending my estimations of various teams and players. It's hilarious to me how heated people get about their favorites. I especially love when they try to use stats to fight my judgments, which are based least of all on athleticism.

I like Aaron Brooks because he looks like a baby Chris Rock and I think it's fascinating how he never sweats. I like Shane Battier because I think he's smart, he's known his wife since the seventh grade and he let me take a picture with him once at Pearl Bar. I hate Kobe Bryant because it's easy (I'm firmly on the LeBron side of that debate; I think he has a sweet face).

Pau Gasol irritates me just to look at because he's so gangly, and I wish he would cut his damn hair. (But hair is a whole area of judgement in which I have no consistency — Birdman is OK by me, but Ron Artest needs to go back to shaving logos into his scalp and quit looking like a poor man's Dennis Rodman.)

I can't wait to play this game during the playoffs every weekend 'til late June. Will you be watching? And what players irritate you for completely non-sports reasons?

unspecified

Concert News

Guitar gods Joe Satriani and Steve Vai to rock Houston on 2026 tour

Photo by Jon Luini

Joe Satriani and Steve Vai will play at the Music Hall at Fair Park on April 17, 2026.

Legendary guitarists Joe Satriani and Steve Vai will bring their debut SATCHVAI Band tour to the United States for the first time, including a stop at the 713 Music Hall in Houston on April 16, 2026.

The “Surfing with the Hydra” 2026 tour will travel to 37 cities over the course of two months, starting in Seattle, Washington on April 1.

In addition to Houston, Satriani and Vai will also play in Dallas on April 17 and Austin on April 18. They'll be joined by special guest Animals As Leaders on all dates.

The two guitar icons, who have a nearly 50-year friendship and musical partnership, formally joined forces as the SATCHVAI Band in March 2024. They subsequently put out two songs: "The Sea of Emotion, Pt. 1" and "I Wanna Play My Guitar."

They're getting set to release another song, “Dancing,” which will come out on March 2, 2026.

Both musicians have solo careers that date back to the 1980s. Satriani has released 18 albums in his career, most recently The Elephants of Mars in 2022. Vai has released 11 albums in his career, most recently Vai/Gash in 2023.

Tickets for the tour will go on sale starting with the artist presale on Wednesday, December 10 at 10 am local time, which fans can access with the password SATCHVAI2026.

Local presales follow on Thursday, December 11 prior to the general on-sale date of Friday, December 12. All ticket details are available at satchvaiband.com.

SATCHVAI Band “Surfing with the Hydra” 2026 U.S. Tour

April 1 – Seattle, WA – Paramount Theatre
April 2 – Portland, OR – Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
April 4 – Oakland, CA – Fox Theater
April 5 – Reno, NV – Grand Sierra Resort and Casino
April 7 – Long Beach, CA – Long Beach Terrace Theater
April 8 – San Diego, CA – Cal Coast Credit Union Open Air Theatre
April 10 – Mesa, AZ – Mesa Amphitheatre
April 11 – Las Vegas, NV – The Theater at Virgin Hotels Las Vegas
April 14 – Denver, CO – Mission Ballroom
April 16 – Houston, TX – 713 Music Hall
April 17 – Dallas, TX – Music Hall at Fair Park
April 18 – Austin, TX – ACL Live at the Moody Theater
April 20 – Mobile, AL – Saenger Theatre
April 22 – Pompano Beach, FL – Pompano Beach Amphitheater
April 24 – Clearwater, FL – Baycare Sound
April 25 – St. Augustine, FL – St. Augustine Amphitheatre
April 26 – Orlando, FL – Hard Rock Live
April 27 – Atlanta, GA – Atlanta Symphony Hall
April 29 – Charlotte, NC – Ovens Auditorium
April 30 – Durham, NC – DPAC
May 2 – Minneapolis, MN – State Theatre
May 3 – Chicago, IL – Chicago Theatre
May 5 – Milwaukee, WI – The Riverside Theater
May 8 – Cincinnati, OH – PNC Pavillion at Riverbend Music Center
May 9 – Indianapolis, IN – Everwise Amphitheater at White River State Park
May 12 – Buffalo, NY – Kleinhans Music Hall
May 15 – Northfield, OH – MGM Northfield Park
May 16 – Rochester Hills, MI – Meadow Brook Amphitheatre
May 17 – Syracuse, NY – Landmark Theatre
May 20 – Boston, MA – Leader Bank Pavilion
May 21 – Albany, NY – Palace Theatre
May 22 – Waterbury, CT – Palace Theater
May 23 – Virginia Beach, VA – The Dome
May 27 – Reading, PA – Santander Performing Arts Center
May 28 – New York, NY – Beacon Theatre
May 29 – Atlantic City, NJ – Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa
May 30 – Vienna, VA – Wolf Trap

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