The Houston Astros — still the only winless team in baseball, if you haven't heard — aren't being laughed at. They're being pitied.
ESPN's Baseball Tonight analyst Tim Kurkjian revealed on a recent show that a scout told him that the Astros' entire infield is made up entirely of "utility players." If you're unfamiliar with baseball jargon, utility players are the guys who come off the bench and play one or two days a week (at most) for decent major league baseball teams. It's hard to argue with the scout either.
Could Geoff Blum start for any other major league team? Heck, Blum might not be start for a number of Triple A squads. Yet, the career .250 hitter has started six of the Astros' eight games.
Blum is not in the lineup for this afternoon's game at St. Louis. But look at the infield starters: Pedro Feliz at first base, Kaz Matsui at second, Jeff Keppinger at shortstop and Chris Johnson at third. There is not a frightening hitter among them (at least not to the opposition). If you think about it, is it really any surprise that the Astros have scored the fewest runs in baseball by a landslide (Houston has put up 14 runs in eight games, the next-lowest-scoring team, Cleveland, has 26 runs).
When Kurkjian, one of the most respected and measured voices in the games, is all but dismissing the Astros' chances of avoiding 90-plus losses in mid April, there's not much counter argument. New manager Brad Mills must be wondering if he'll get his first W before May.
Of all the formulaic movie genres, Christmas/holiday movies are among the most predictable. No matter what the problem is that arises between family members, friends, or potential romantic partners, the stories in holiday movies are designed to give viewers a feel-good ending even if the majority of the movie makes you feel pretty bad.
That’s certainly the case in Oh. What. Fun., in which Michelle Pfeiffer plays Claire, an underappreciated mom living in Houston with her inattentive husband, Nick (Denis Leary). As the film begins, her three children are arriving back home for Christmas: The high-strung Channing (Felicity Jones) is married to the milquetoast Doug (Jason Schwartzman); the aloof Taylor (Chloë Grace Moretz) brings home yet another new girlfriend; and the perpetual child Sammy (Dominic Sessa) has just broken up with his girlfriend.
Each of the family members seems to be oblivious to everything Claire does for them, especially when it comes to what she really wants: For them to nominate her to win a trip to see a talk show in L.A. hosted by Zazzy Tims (Eva Longoria). When she accidentally gets left behind on a planned outing to see a show, Claire reaches her breaking point and — in a kind of Home Alone in reverse — she decides to drive across the country to get to the show herself.
Written and directed by Michael Showalter (The Idea of You), and co-written by Chandler Baker (who wrote the short story on which the film is based), the movie never establishes any kind of enjoyable rhythm. Each of the characters, including competitive neighbor Jeanne (Joan Chen), is assigned a character trait that becomes their entire personality, with none of them allowed to evolve into something deeper.
The filmmakers lean hard into the idea that Claire is a person who always puts her family first and receives very little in return, but the evidence presented in the story is sketchy at best. Every situation shown in the film is so superficial that tension barely exists, and the (over)reactions by Claire give her family members few opportunities to make up for their failings.
The most interesting part of the movie comes when Claire actually makes it to the Zazzy Sims show. Even though what happens there is just as unbelievable as anything else presented in the story, Showalter and Baker concoct a scene that allows Claire and others to fully express the central theme of the film, and for a few minutes the movie actually lives up to its title.
Pfeiffer, given her first leading role since 2020’s French Exit, is a somewhat manic presence, and her thick Texas accent and unnecessary voiceover don’t do her any favors. It seems weird to have such a strong supporting cast with almost nothing of substance to do, but almost all of them are wasted, including Danielle Brooks in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo. The lone exception is Longoria, who is a blast in the few scenes she gets.
Oh. What. Fun. is far from the first movie to try and fail at becoming a new holiday classic, but the pedigree of Showalter and the cast make this dismal viewing experience extra disappointing. Ironically, overworked and underappreciated moms deserve a much better story than the one this movie delivers.
