“You gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?” (Wyatt Earp)
Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday are the kings of one-liners in my favorite Western, Tombstone. Earp is played by Kurt Russell and Doc Holliday by Val Kilmer — what more can you ask for? These two (and the occasional odd ball character) provide responses for the everyday scenes in our Western (or not so Western) lives. Here are some classic Tombstone retorts:
When asked if you’re retired:
“Not me. I’m in my prime.” (Doc Holliday)
When accused of being a wino:
“In vino veritas” ( ‘In wine is truth,’ Doc Holliday)
When challenged by a spineless urchin hovering over your faro table:
“Skin that smoke wagon and we’ll see what happens.” (Wyatt Earp)
When a cowboy with a quick draw challenges your friend to a duel:
“I’m your huckleberry…” (Just be sure you're a faster draw than your friend; Doc Holliday)
When your enemy extends a reconciliatory handshake:
“Forgive me if I don’t shake hands.” (Doc Holliday)
For the woman you’ve lived with but is sucking you dry of money:
“It’s true. You are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist.” (Doc Holliday)
For the man trying to push his feminine stereotypes on you, a woman:
“I’m a woman, I like men. If that means I’m not ‘lady-like’, then I guess I’m just not a lady! At least I’m honest.” (Josephine)
When holding a villain at gunpoint and getting surrounded by his armed posse:
“Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me? (Wyatt Earp)
When accused of hypocrisy (by yourself or another):
“It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.” (Doc Holliday)
When told to go to hell:
“You first.” (Curly Bill)
When on your death bed and asked how you are:
“I’m dying, how are you?” (Doc Holliday)
For the villain who killed your family:
“You tell ‘em I’m coming … and hell’s coming with me, you hear? HELL’S COMING WITH ME!” (Wyatt Earp)
When friends point out unhealthy habits:
“Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.” (Doc Holliday)
When pleading “not guilty by reason of insanity”:
“I want your blood. And I want your souls. And I want them both right now!” (Johnny Ringo)
Which quote's made it into your lingo?
One of my favorite scenes: Wyatt Earp gets a surrender without using a gun (or taser... take note HPD):
A compilation of Doc Holliday's best lines:
