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    The Arthropologist

    Kristina Wong fuses cat pee, insecurity and pick-up artistry in DiverseWorks'Cat Lady

    Nancy Wozny
    Mar 24, 2011 | 10:29 pm
    • Miss Barbie Q in "Cat Lady"
      Photo by Diana Toshiko
    • Cat Lady and cast
      Photo by Diana Toshiko
    • The Cat Lady Cast with DJ Fuji, from left: Clayton Shane Farris, Jabez Zuniga,Kristina Wong and Miss Barbie Q
      Photo by John Freeland Jr.
    • Kristina Wong in "Cat Lady"
      Photo by Diana Toshiko
    • DJ Fuji, left, instructing Cat Lady cast member Miss Barbie Q on some pick-upskills
      Photo by John Freeland Jr.
    • From Kristina Wong's "Cat Lady," Jabez Zuniga
      Photo by Diana Toshiko

    I had planned to write about something else, but I got stopped in my tracks watching a vid of Kristina Wong eating cat food, or at least try to. How could I focus on anything else when an artist is willing to eat cat food to get me interested in her show?

    Alright, Ms. Wong, you got me — DiverseWorks too. Wong's newest opus, Cat Lady, which was co-commissioned by DiverseWorks, ODC Theater and The National Performance Network, runs through Saturday.

    To be honest, Wong got my attention just the week before while trolling my favorite ladysnark site, Jezebel, over her beef with Oscarflop James Franco. "I could have hosted the Oscars in my sleep. Apparently, that's what James Franco tried to do," wrote the sassy Wong on her blog.

    The wannabe-artist Francster had dissed Wong's commencement address at the UCLA English Department graduation minutes before snapping a photo with her. Wong is an accomplished multi-disciplinary artist with more grants and honors to her name than fake artist Franco will ever amass. But things have been looking up for Wong since the overrated actor insulted her: "Thanks James! I need more A-list celebs to diss me ASAP," she dishes from her "A brief break from Francogate" post.

    But let's get back to cats, specifically Cat Lady, a piece that attempts to bridge the world of lonely, desperate cat ladies and the subculture of pick-up artists. How can that be possible? It's easy, according to Wong, who makes a living bringing people to startling new ideas with her own brand of irreverent mix mastering.

    To prepare, Wong immersed herself in the seedy cult of the pick-up artist, reading Neil Strauss’ classic The Game and watching the VH1 reality show The Pickup Artist. I had never heard of the show, but one pathetic YouTube vid later I am dying to own guru Mystery's furry hat, which I suspect has been fashioned from someone's dead cat. Not Wong's cat Oliver, though, who provided some of the inspiration for Cat Lady, and has a featured role in the show.

    Wong's new work comes from the isolation of being on tour with her one-woman smash hit, Wong Flew over The Cuckoo's Nest, which she describes as a "swear-to-god-not-autobiographical, serio-comic portrayal of the high incidence of anxiety, depression and mental illness among Asian-American women." It's not exactly fluffy subject matter, and the tour took a toll on the performance artist. The piece has since been made into a film by Michael Closson.

    Oliver didn't appreciate Wong's success, and began spraying her apartment. That's fancy cat science talk for when your feline feels abandoned and pees all over your house. "It was really intense to be alone on tour doing this show about suicide and depression," recalls Wong. She began to question her own identity. Could she be turning into a crazy cat lady?

    "I wondered, 'what else can I do?' There's always this fear that this is it," Wong says.

    Somewhere in the process, she happened on the bonanza of the pick-up artist world and found an immediate resonance in the language. "It's the same material as theater games," says Wong. "They are really teaching theatrical techniques. As a solo performer, we had a lot in common."

    Sixto Wagan first watched Wong's work at a National Performance Network conference. It took another five years for their schedules to work out. "How she brings cat pee, pick-up artistry and loneliness together is just brilliant," says Wagan, DiverseWorks' co-director. "I love Kristina's insightful, self-deprecating humor. The audience is part of it, not the target of it."

    For Cat Lady, Wong left the solo life behind, enlisting the talents of co-conspirators Miss Barbie Q, Clayton Shane Farris and Jabez Zuniga for her first ensemble piece. All have undergone considerable pick-up artist training, and, quite possibly, so has Oliver the cat. Bootcamp training with master DJ Fuji turned the cast into a clan of skilled practitioners.

    The team gave me a crash course, trying such openers on me as, "You have this innocence about you; it's really lovely." But my fave is, "Hey, did you see the fight outside?" That one had me; connection is key.

    The goal is to close the deal, or, in pick-up lingo, earn a "kiss close," or the top banana, a "fuck close." According to Miss Barbie Q, it's really just about good social skills. All have reported better luck at bars since undergoing intensive training.

    The show is directed by Shawn Sides of Austin-based devised theater legends The Rude Mechs. Ian Garrett is the production designer, his first show since returning to Houston as Fresh Arts' new executive director.

    "I tried to create three worlds: The clubhouse or 'dens' of pick-up artist workshops, a club, and elements of Kristina's world," says Garrett. "Photos from the world summit provided ideas as well." Although the Los Angeles native is based in Houston now, he found collaborating with Wong easy and rewarding. "The show is wild," he says. "She doesn't hold back."

    Wong naturally sources her own life for her art. She currently lives in Los Angeles without a car, and after her pink biodiesel Mercedes Benz, Harold, died, she chronicled her wheel-free life in her show Going Green the Wong Way. You can crack up while learning something about crowdfunding from her cat food chow down or learn about "catsourcing" in her hilarious post, "I Made over $5,600 with only minor public humiliation: Ask me how." The resulting show, Cat Lady, should prove well worth swallowing a little cat chow.

    Plus one other thing — Wong says the show will end racism.

    Five pick-up artists explain the meaning of life to Kristina Wong

    Get a taste of Wong's world in an excerpt from Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

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    Movie Review

    Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

    Alex Bentley
    Dec 26, 2025 | 2:30 pm
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda
    Photo by Matt Grace
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

    In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

    The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

    Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

    Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

    The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

    It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

    Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

    Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

    ---

    Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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