I don't really have much to say about last week. If I did, you'd probably hate me.

I was missing the cold front, away in a far-off land (Dominican Republic) filled with beach beds and beautiful people dressed in white bringing me an endless supply of Coco Locos (an offshoot of the Pina Colada with some added fruitiness) and spicy Bloody Marys (for balance). I was almost devoid of any aesthetic experiences other than sun gazing for uncountable hours per day.

There was a helicopter ride and an old-fashion Vegas-style show with delicious skimpy costumes, men in feathers who could seriously gyrate their hips and sexy women with 4-foot chandeliers on their heads.

Why doesn't Houston have a show like this? Aren't we tropical enough?

Well, I am back now and ready to reengage and show off my newly acquired golden tan. Here's where you will find me this week.

Contemporary Art Museum Houston's "Mixing the Medium" at Colton & Farb Gallery
Rescheduled due to Houston's version of inclement weather, this exhibition, curated by The Studio co-chairs Philip Beck and Philip Berry, highlights works of up-and-coming Houston artists represented by Colton & Farb.

With libations courtesy of Saint Arnold Brewing Company, Hudson Ferus Vodka, Republic Tequila and light bites by Strip House, "Mixing the Medium" juxtaposes pop art with an exploration of the subconscious. Wednesday at 6:30 p.m.

Talk at Rienzi: Should Fairy Tales Be Censored?
We tend to think of fairy tales as light and frothy, appropriate for children of all ages. But the original versions of Grimm Brothers' tales are anything but innocent, often containing mature subjects not unlike Bambi's opening scene — anyone still traumatized by that?

Robert Patten explores the benefits and challenges of sharing them, with light hors d'oeuvres and wine included. Thursday at 6 p.m.

River Oaks Chamber Orchestra's Conductorless! Valentine's Concert
If you ever thought an orchestra needed a conductor, you were mistaken and the River Oaks Chamber Orchestra has a history of proving you wrong. The Conductorless! concerts are a yearly ROCO offering. Large ensembles sans conductors are an artistic political experiment in aesthetic socialism where everyone contributes equally in lieu of a democratic dictatorship.

Haydn's Surprise Symphony No. 94, Dvorak's Serenade and fresh seemingly off-the-cuff repertoire could begin a romantic evening. It's Valentine's Day weekend after all. Saturday at 5 p.m. The Sunday performance at the Houstonian Hotel includes a cocktail reception and dinner.

First Annual CoupleCake Wars at Sprinkles
Cupcake queen Candace Nelson is coming to Houston to judge (along with Katie Stuckey and Cerón) the first annual CoupleCake Wars. Selected couples compete in a variety of baking and culinary challenges and only one will be crowned CoupleCakes Sweethearts. Saturday at noon.

Houston Zoo's Flock Beastly Brunch
Any opportunity to meet Ernie the porcupine is worth the $25 in advance or $40 at the door, unless you are a Flock member. Then, you get in free with RSVP.

What is Flock? The Zoo's young professionals group (ages 21 and up), which hosts chic events while exploring the zoo with light bites, cocktails, music and friendly creatures. Sunday at noon.

And this is where you will find my colleagues.

Indie arts connoisseur Jennifer Patterson's pick: 2010 Academy Award Nominated Short Films (Animation) at MFAH
Jennifer says: "The MFAH is showing the Academy Award nominees for short films (animation and live action) this weekend and next. I think the short films are really underrated and also perfect for anyone with a short attention span."

"They come from all over the world and knowing about them makes watching the Oscars that more interesting." Friday and Saturday.

Dance hunter and art columnist Nancy Wonzy's pick: Dominic Walsh Dance Theater's Second Course
Nancy says: "Dominic Walsh Dance Theater tackles Swedish choreographer Mats Ek's Pas de Dans along with a world premiere of Dominic Walsh's Victor Frankenstein, co-conceived by local poet Addie Tsai, as part of Second Course-Winter Mixed Rep."

"Ek and Walsh are well matched, both possess a gestural idiosyncratic vocabulary along with a highly theatrical style. Plus, it's mighty cool that DWDT is the only American dance company performing Ek's work. I got to the bottom of exactly how that happened in a Dance Magazine feature on Walsh." Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 7:30 p.m.

Assistant editor and art savant Steven Thomson's pick: Artists/Scholars Talk: Lads vs. Guys
Steven says: "This discussion, moderated by curator Toby Kamps (now of The Menil Collection), will test how the city's stalwart collaborative conceptual art team, The Art Guys, stand up to the internationally-renowned duo of John Wood and Paul Harrison."

"All four men employ existential comedy, so expect an unapologetic stream of laughter at the museum." Saturday at 2 p.m.

Assistant editor "Girl about Town" Caroline Gallay's pick: The Institute for Rehabilitation and Research Fundraiser (TIRR) Toga Party Fundraiser at House of Blues
Caroline says: "This annual party is a terrific time each year, and who doesn't love an excuse to dress comfortably? Best, it benefits The Institute for Rehabilitation and Research, which we're proud to say is working for the recovery here in Houston of Congresswoman Gabby Giffords." Saturday at 9 p.m.