spirit fingers for everyone

Cheerleader drama: Next to Kirsten Dunst & Rihanna, how does Bring It On: TheMusical stack up?

Cheerleaders always rule — on the stage or in endless movies.

Photo by Michael Lamont
A scene from Bring It On: The Musical

Photo by Greg Mooney
You'd better bring it. It's Bring It On.

Photo by Craig Schwartz

You don't have to be a cheerleader to love Bring It On — it's one of the best high school movies of all time.

So in honor of Bring It On: The Musical playing at the Hobby Center for the Performing Arts through Sunday, I rewatched the original Bring It On with Kirsten Dunst and the so-terrible-it's-kinda-awesome Bring It On: All Or Nothing starring Hayden Panettiere and Beyoncé's little sister, the best of four (yes, four) straight-to-DVD sequels.

The musical picks up a few plots elements from both films — the cheer captain transferring to an inner-city high school, finding love with a DJ., etc. and it totally, um, brings it when it comes to gymnastic spectacle.

But how does it compare to the movies? Allow me to break it down.

Best Lead Character Name
Winner: Campbell, Bring It On: The Musical
Frankly if this was a competition for the weirdest thing the writers think a blonde cheerleader from SoCal might be named, Whittier from Bring It On Again would be the champion. (Seriously, Whittier? Is she a cheerleader or a liberal arts college in Ohio?)

But alas, Bring It On Again is so terrible I can't even bring myself to enjoy it ironically.

Campbell is not only a somewhat unique yet believable name, it's also a set-up for comedy. By the time she makes it into the cool clique, she's gone "from cream of mushroom to chicken and stars." Only a Warhol reference could be better.

Best Sassy Sidekick
Winner: La Cienega, Bring It On: The Musical
The sassy black sidekick has been so overdone it's hard to even tell them apart anymore. Props to the musical for changing it up by including a drag queen named after a Los Angeles boulevard.

Best Guest Appearance
Winner: Sparky Polastri, Bring It On
You could argue the biggest star is actually a pre-Umbrella Rihanna playing herself in All or Nothing. But global pop stars aside, the most memorable scene in the Bring It On franchise is when Upright Citizens Brigade founder Ian Roberts shows up as the choreographer with spirit fingers and a sharp tongue.

I'm not sure who else could deliver a line like "I will attempt to transform your stiff, robotic routines into poetry written with the human body," and also rock a black unitard.

Best Villain
Winner: Eva, Bring It On: The Musical
Look, it wouldn't be a cheerleading movie without a couple bitches. Bitches are to cheerleading movies like mullets are to Monster Jam. But Eva makes the girl from Single White Female look tame, and seems to have a lot of fun doing it.

Best White Girl Learning to Be Hip-Hop
Winner: Julia Stiles, Save The Last Dance
I'm sorry but Julia Stiles in Save The Last Dance is always the answer to this question. You know it, I know it, and even though they can't say anything official right now, the Juilliard judges know it too.

Most Embarrassing White Girl Trying to Be Hip-Hop
Winner: Hayden Panettiere, Bring It On: All or Nothing
Nothing is more cringe-inducing than when the tiny cheerleader from Heroes learns to dance out her anger by krumping. Krumping! Oh man.

Do I even need to mention she ends the movie in camo cheerleading gear, including a do-rag? It's the most awkward I felt watching Panettiere onscreen since she told Ellen about her boyfriend's giant penis.

Worst Cheerleader
Winner: Solange Knowles, Bring It On: All or Nothing
Solange spent most of her time in BIO:AON staring with dead eyes and calling Hayden "white girl." (Oh . . . snap?) Also, shouldn't cheerleaders be, I don't know, peppy?

Solange is more of a wet blanket. Plus she totally does not get that Hayden's krumping is going to take them to the next level.

Best Cheer-Off
Winner: This scene, Bring It On
As far as stolen cheers go, let's talk about "Brr, it's cold in here/There must be some Toros in the atmosphere." I've been wondering for 10 years — what does this mean?

Are Toros cold? Are they like the co-worker who always turns the A/C down to 60? Because I am not cheering for that asshole.

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Movie Review

Supergirl fails to take flight in a movie weighed down by grief

Photo courtesy of DC Studios and Warner Bros. Pictures

Milly Alcock in Supergirl.

Last year's Superman reboot brought a renewed sense of optimism for, if not the concept of the comic book movie, then at least the DC Comics universe. After more than a decade of DC films that felt mostly creatively bankrupt, the leadership of James Gunn gave the story a sense of fun. That included the brief introduction of Kara Zor-El, aka Supergirl, who’s now getting her own showcase in, naturally, Supergirl.

When we first met her in Superman, Supergirl was in rough shape, arriving at the Fortress of Solitude visibly inebriated. Nothing has changed at the beginning of this film, save for her aimlessly traveling around the universe with her rambunctious dog, Krypto. One of her random stops puts her in the same bar as Ruthye (Eve Ridley), who is looking for help tracking down Krem (Matthias Schoenaerts) and a group known as the Brigands after they brutally murdered her family.

Kara is initially loath to offer aid, but when Krem shoots a poison dart into Krypto while escaping, her motivation goes way up, especially since Krem holds the antidote. Kara, with Ruthye doggedly following her, uses every means available to her to find Krem, a journey that is hampered by galaxies having different colored suns than the one that gives her powers, the yellow sun.

Directed by Craig Gillespie and written by Ana Nogueira, the film is a big step back in the fun category, not least because Supergirl is deep in her feelings for much of the film. Her personal trauma, which is detailed in occasional flashbacks, gives a reason for her depression, but fails to land fully. The story seems to want everyone to be sad, as it includes a child trafficking ring and multiple instances of families being murdered.

Milly Alcock and Krypto in Supergirl.Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

To try to counteract that downer material, the filmmakers give Supergirl many opportunities to show off her fighting skills. While still CGI-heavy, the action scenes contain enough of a semblance of reality that they feel exciting. Unfortunately, this is undercut by the inclusion of several slow-motion sequences, giving the impression that the filmmakers didn’t trust the actors to deliver the goods on a consistent basis.

Superman (David Corenswet) makes a handful of appearances in the film, and while his presence is welcome given how well the character came across in the previous movie, it also doesn’t allow Supergirl to become her own person. Almost everything she does is colored by either her cousin or her parents, and since her powers are identical to those of Superman, there is very little that makes her story unique aside from how she’s dealing with the fallout.

Alcock (House of the Dragon, Sirens) gives an appealing performance despite her character being drunk and/or moody most of the time. She definitely sells what Supergirl is going through, so if given a better story in a future film, she’s proven her capability. Schoenaerts makes for a pretty good villain, although he’s aided by a look that includes a face full of studs. Jason Momoa has a memorable supporting role as the bounty hunter Lobo, even if his character doesn’t add much to the story.

While not a full-on disaster, Supergirl does not continue the momentum that Superman started. With a story that’s more concerned with showing audiences death scenes than a hero saving people, the film doesn’t seem to understand the appeal of a character like Supergirl or how to make her someone audiences will return to over and over again.

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Supergirl is now playing in theaters.

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