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Oscar Lite: Why the Golden Globes are so much fun to watch

Call them Oscars Lite and you won’t be far off the mark.

In terms of being an imprimatur of prestige or a booster of box-office, the Golden Globe Awards are of questionable value—worth more, perhaps, than a quote-blurb rave from Larry King, but likely not as much as viral hosannas from the Twitterati. Still, the annual Golden Globes telecast is practically must-see TV, if only because of its well-deserved reputation for being more uninhibited and unpredictable (and, yes, far more obviously alcohol-fueled) than the relatively staid shindig produced by the Motion Picture Academy.

And when—as happens to be to be case this year—the Globes are bestowed by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association a week or so before final balloting for the Academy Awards is complete, there’s always the possibility that publicity generated by an unexpected win could help turn a dark horse into a front runner (or at least a stronger contender) in the race for Oscar gold.

This year’s Golden Globes show—which will air live from 7-10 p.m. Sunday on Channel 2—promises to be even livelier than usual with the saucily acerbic Ricky Gervais on board as master of ceremonies. And it doesn’t hurt a bit that the line-up of stellar presenters includes Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, Gerard Butler, Jodie Foster, Mel Gibson (who, one can only hope, won’t be the least bit alcohol-fueled), Tom Hanks, Neil Patrick Harris, Samuel L. Jackson, Taylor Lautner (cue the screaming Twilight fans), Sophia Loren, Paul McCartney, Helen Mirren (reason enough for me to watch any awards show, anytime, anywhere), Julia Roberts, Zoe Saldana, Kate Winslet and the cast of The Hangover (Justin Bartha, Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms).

But wait there’s more: Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio will present the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s Cecil B. DeMille Award to Martin Scorsese for his “outstanding contribution to the entertainment field.” It might be a lot of fun if De Niro and DiCaprio really did get liquored up, and started arguing over who Marty loves best. But, alas, I don’t think that will happen.

What probably will happen is the announcement of an award or two that will leave viewers scratching their heads in WTF befuddlement. Keep in mind: Members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are, well, critics and journalists who cover Hollywood for foreign publications. Many (if not most) are stringers, not full-timers, and rely heavily on paychecks for other gigs. (Which may explain all those snarky jokes about HFPA members toiling throughout the rest of the year as waiters at other Hollywood events.) And some of their choices for Golden Globe honorees have inspired equal measures of shock and skepticism, along with deep suspicions that HFPA voters can be easily swayed with the right amount of wining and dining, along with some discreet osculating of posteriors.

(Indeed, the Golden Globes were banished from network TV for more than a decade in the wake of accusations that Pia Zadora—as in, “What ever happened to Pia Zadora?”—got a 1981 “Newcomer of the Year” award after her wealthy husband primed HFPA voters with an all-expenses-paid junket to his lavish Las Vegas casino. You think The Hangover stars will make a joke about this?)

What follows are a few semi-cynical predictions of winners in the top Golden Globe categories for cinematic achievement. I know: The HFPA also gives Globes to TV shows as well. But, hey, as Bill Murray used to say about lesser Oscar categories: Who cares?

BEST PICTURE, DRAMA: Avatar (because I bet James Cameron and 20th Century Fox threw some swell parties for HFPA voters).

BEST PICTURE, COMEDY OR MUSICAL: Nine (because producer Harvey Weinstein is hurting, and may not be able to throw swell parties in the future if his under-performing movie doesn’t start attracting ticket-buyers).

BEST ACTOR, DRAMA: George Clooney for Up in the Air (because, in addition to giving a great performance, he’s George freakin’ Clooney).

BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side (which will, no kidding, practically guarantee she gets an Oscar nomination).

BEST ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL: Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes (but only if Harvey can’t wheedle a win for Daniel Day-Lewis in Nine).

BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL: Meryl Streep for either It’s Complicated or Julie & Julia (unless HFPA voters are really in the tank for Harvey, and decide to honor Marion Cotillard for Nine).

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Penélope Cruz for Nine (because she’s Penelope freakin’ Cruz, and Harvey produced her movie).

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds (because he’s won every other damn award so far this season). (And, by the way, Harvey produced his movie, too.)

Follow longtime Houston movie critic Joe Leydon on his movingpictureblog.

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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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