Several days have passed since Rick Perry's Response, and we're still suffering from record high temperatures. Why not take a chill pill and step off from the sizzling sidewalk into these caves of coldness?
Because no matter how just our society becomes, not all air conditioning is created equal.
Amid the maze of MILFs and organic mission figs you'll find the chilly quarters of the produce section. Central Market management has even posted, "Why is it so cold in here?" signs to validate the low temperatures that keep the kale crisp and customers' Botox bouncy.
Julia Ideson Library
You won't suffer an excess of body heat at the quiet renovated historic library. Brush up on historic maps of the Lone Star State while basking in regulated temperature ecstasy.
This West University Place dive has recently reopened after months of renovation. Gone is the lenient smoking policy, but new visitors will discover a vaguely lavish interior that includes an air conditioning system that's as robust as the Long Island iced teas.
Artifice is at its peak underneath the city's skyscrapers, where you'll find miles of hyper-climate controlled spending opportunities. We recommend the new How Do You Roll sushi bar, where guests can nosh on some chilled ocean fare.
Our visit to this tapas tavern gave us goosebumps, and not just because the patatas bravas was so overwhelming (it wasn't). The A/C here packs a punch, making it the perfect spot for your frigid fiesta.
We're not advocating walking for miles in the heat to get to a station, but once you're on board, it's like an Arctic joyride. The raised seats at the front and back of the rail cars get the most intense A/C action.
Fire and brimstone be damned. This stadium church knows how to keep a crowd cool, calm and collected.
Edwards Greenway Grand Palace
Just because you're done taking advantage of Joel Osteen's stadium refrigerator doesn't mean you have to drop a bead of sweat. While you're in the Greenway vicinity, drop by for some additional frosty fun at Edwards.
The mercury may be rising on Rise of the Planet of the Apes, but with that cherry ICEE in hand, you'll be cool as a cucumber.