Portuguese soccer phenom Cristiano Ronaldo has reportedly taken a page from Ricky Martin's playbook and hired a surrogate to carry his new son.

He announced via his Facebook page: "It is with great joy and emotion that I inform I have recently become father to a baby boy. As agreed with the baby's mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential, my son will be under my exclusive guardianship. No further information will be provided on this subject and I request everyone to fully respect my right to privacy (and that of the child) at least on issues as personal as these are."

The difference between he and Ricky? Ronaldo is (supposedly) straight, with a gorgeous (presumably fertile?) girlfriend to boot. So if he's so ready to reproduce, why pay a surrogate? And a question seemingly more on my mind than everyone else's — if this pregnancy was deliberate, why on earth time it so the birth is in the midst of the World Cup?

There are few explanations:

One. Ronaldo is ready to be a father. He is also acutely aware that a) his penchant for hookers renders most of his companions questionable mothers and b) his relationships are routinely so short-lived that he opted to employ a surrogate in order to avoid long-term commitment to any of his girlfriends-of-the-moment. Also, he hates soccer.

Two. He has executed the most elaborate plan ever concocted to cover his ass from the consequences of a San Diego fling last summer and keep his beautiful (but Russian) girlfriend.

Three. Much the way some women use a surrogate to avoid wrecking their bodies, Ronaldo wanted to guard against pesky sympathy pounds.

Sorry, Crissy — it's got to be No. 2. Out with it, or we suspect Ur(u)g(u)ay.