Seven easy steps

Are you sure the Rapture is today? Try our handy formula to predict the date

An etching by Jan Luyken illustrating Matthew 24:40 in the Bowyer Bible, Bolton,England
Photo by Harry Kossuth
Harold Camping

What are you doing on Sunday?

That was a trick question, you heathen. All the god-fearing among us know the rapture is coming on Saturday at 6 p.m., and by Sunday the righteous will totes be brunching with Jesus in heaven (where I hear the French toast is simply to die for).

That's according to Harold Camping who says the May 21 date is predicted using the numerology of the Bible. "I know it's absolutely true, because the Bible is always absolutely true," Camping told The Daily Mail of his prediction.

Which would be a better point if Camping hadn't foreseen the rapture once before, back in 1994. (Although back then he would only say it would happen between September 17-19, so props to Camping for getting more specific.)

Assuming life continues as usual on Sunday (and if doesn't, you can always look to CultureMap's rapture-ready etiquette guide), there's nothing that says you can't pick your own date for the beginning of the end times. After all, with vacation plans scrapped due to the economy and sky-high airfare, we all need a little something to look forward to.

Even if you're not a biblical scholar or an expert in numerology, that doesn't mean you can't come up with your own point of no return. Just use this handy formula:

1. Start with the number of books in the bible or your holy text of choice (Scientologists should use the collected works of L. Ron Hubbard)

2. Multiply by the number of Duggar children

3. Subtract the number of years since the founding of Israel

4. Add the number of countries in the United Nations

5. Multiply by number of times the prophet Glenn Beck says "caliphate" in this clip

6. Muliply by the percent of Republicans who believe Obama may be the Antichrist

7. Put the resulting numerals into any order you want.

Voila! You've predicted the rapture. By our math, the world is ending on May 7, 2013, so go ahead and start planning your Cinco de Mayo party now. It's going to be a rager.

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no more trips to Colorado

Bill to legalize marijuana in Texas filed by Dallas Democrat

Photo courtesy of Texas Original

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Texas Rep. Jessica González (D-Dallas) has filed a bill to legalize recreational marijuana in Texas. House Bill 1208 would legalize the cultivation, manufacturing, transportation, and sale of cannabis.

The bill would allow adults 21 and older to use, possess, and transport up to 2.5 ounces of marijuana for personal use. Adults could also keep up to 10 ounces of cannabis in their residence, as long as it is stored in a secure location.

Smoking or consuming cannabis while in a public place or in a car on a public road would not be allowed.

Gonzalez filed the bill in mid-November, one in a suite of bills that also included expanding insurance coverage for in vitro fertilization for LGBTQ couples; and requiring landlords to disclose all fees before a rental lease is signed.

Her bill was filed prior to an initiative launched by Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick on December 4 to ban THC products in Texas entirely.

In addition to legalizing recreational use, the bill also makes provisions for its production and sale including requiring that the packaging be child-resistent and clearly labeled, so that it's not confused for candy.

Businesses looking to grow, transport, test, or sell cannabis would need to be licensed by the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation. A 10 percent tax would be imposed on the sale of all cannabis and cannabis products. Some of the profits would go towards funding public schools.

If passed, the bill would take effect on September 1, 2025.

Medical cannabis is currently legal in Texas under the Texas Compassionate Use Program, which allows low-THC cannabis to be prescribed for conditions such as epilepsy, MS, autism, cancer, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Some cities have also approved decriminalization for the possession of four ounces or less of marijuana, including Austin, Bastrop, Dallas, Denton, Elgin, Killeen, and Lockhart.

politics marijuana