You Know What I Mean?

Dear Fayza: Will I be a single lady for the rest of my life because I intimidateinsecure men?

Being single is awesome. But that's mostly because modern dating is draconian.

Confession: I just hate hate hate dating. It's the worst game of Keep Away ever invented, except with less cardio. I'd rather be single than play any of the reindeer games it takes to score a dude these days.

But what if you actually want to say sayonara to our singlehood, and you're having trouble waving goodbye?

You're friendly and fabulous. You're successful and self-assured. So what if your well overfloweth with awesome, but no one's drinking from the fountain?

That's what this week's letter writer wants to know.

Dear Fayza,

I have a dating dilemma. Actually, it would be a dilemma if I were actually dating. That's the problem.

I am very social. I make friends easily and create great bonds. My job is quite social. I meet new people on a weekly basis. On top of that, I am usually out three or four nights a week taking in my great city and all that it has to offer (not just the bar scene). I am good at striking up great conversations, talking and laughing for hours.

And that's where it ends.

I have been told a couple of things:

Guys are intimidated by me. I have a great career, own a house, I don't NEED them. (I feel this is generic, I get where it's coming from, but if I've never met them, they don't know anything about me.)
I have been told that I discourage guys from approaching me because I am so social and I talk to a lot of people. They can't tell if I am talking to them because I am nice and don't want to hurt their feelings — or because I am actually interested in them.

I'm not saying that I need a man to make me happy. I have a great life. It would just be great to meet someone and enhance the fabulous life I already have.

- Kinda Sick of Single

Dear Kinda Sick,

Phew. Thank goodness you told me that your existence doesn't necessitate a man. Because, you know, I probably would've made that assumption about you. I mean, most confident, single females leading happy, fulfilled lives are only elaborately disguising the fact that a husband is all they really want in life, right?

Here's a spoon. You'll need it to slurp the sarcasm dripping from that last sentence.

I once knew a girl in your situation. Let's call her Fayza. She'd resigned herself to the fact that not only would she never meet anyone to date, but she was largely unmarriageable on the whole. Too independent, too outspoken, too interesting, too friendly — you know, entirely despicable.

But that was two-ish years ago.

Now that I'm perplexingly boyfriended, however, I'm not smugly looking down from my high horse in coupledom and telling you there's a one-size-fits-all approach to meeting a dateable human being. Because that's stupid. And patently false.

But my prolonged Smiling Suzy Singleton status taught me a thing or two — or 12.

From those halcyon years as a lone (but not lonely) operating unit, there was also an imperceptible matter I failed to grasp — I was too comfortable.

There's nothing wrong with the attributes you mentioned that separate you from the plain Mrs. Janes. Just because men need to feel needed — they are the scientifically weaker sex, after all — doesn't mean you have to change who you are so they won't feel intimidated.

But your heels are planted squarely in your comfort zone. You're doing the things that buoy the self-assured woman that you are — doing things you know you like, meeting people in situations where you control the outcomes, experiencing a social life that plays up your confidences.

Simply put, you're not vulnerable, girl. And that makes you puzzling and daunting and complex — and single.

You need to peel away those familiarities. Get outside the situations you know and the people you love. Put yourself somewhere or in something where you're challenged and laid bare and wide open — where you'll be a bit more humanized than you might appear in your element.

Now don't go jumping off a bridge or anything. I didn't tell you to do that (no, I did not!), and I'll fight indemnification for your medical bills.

You know what I'm telling you to do. I want you to be uncomfortable.

Sure, I could completely punt and tell you to try online dating or get your friends to set you up, but that's not why you put your heart out there and wrote to me.

Guess what? Writing to me was a gutsy, bold, and vulnerable move.

Yes, vulnerable. Now keep going, mama.

Cheers,
Fayza

You might be single, but you're not alone — you've always got me. Send an e-mail to advice@culturemap.com, message me on Facebook or Twitter, or boldly leave a question in the comments below. I'll make you feel better than any chick flick marathon ever could.

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Election results

Talarico, Hinojosa lead historic Democratic sweep in 2026 Texas election

Getty Images

Gina Hinojosa has been elected Texas governor, and James Talarico has been elected U.S. Senator from Texas.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Democrats finally got their wish in Texas.

Shut out of power for decades, Democrats on Tuesday, November 3 romped up and down the ballot in Republicans' most populous stronghold, flipping a U.S. Senate seat and retaking the governor's mansion in a history-making election that ushered in an overnight resurgence for a party that has spent much of the last 30 years fighting for scraps.

The stunning victories showed how voters, frustrated over high prices and concerned about government corruption, soundly rejected President Donald Trump's party and handed Democrats a decisive foothold in a fast-changing state of nearly 32 million residents that is one of the world's 10 largest economies. The dominant showing included winning back counties along the border with Mexico — where Republicans had been making inroads with Hispanic voters — and flipping congressional seats even though Republicans gerrymandered the map to give them an upper hand.

“This win is for every Texan who has ever wondered if anyone is ever listening,” Democrat James Talarico said after handily winning his Senate race over Republican Ken Paxton, the state's scandal-plagued attorney general.

“I heard you. We heard you. And tonight, the world hears you," Talarico said.

Texas Democrats hadn’t won a statewide campaign since 1994 and now have breakout stars in Talarico and Gina Hinojosa, who ousted Republican Gov. Greg Abbott in a victory that will make her Texas' first Latina governor. They also won the powerful offices of lieutenant governor (Vicki Goodwin unseated longtime Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick) and attorney general (Nathan Johnson defeated Mayes Middleton), widening the validation for Democrats’ long deferred dream that demographic changes in the state would be followed by a shift in political power.

Spotlight on Talarico
Talarico, the 37-year-old state legislator, former middle school teacher, and Presbyterian seminarian, will become Texas’ first Democratic senator since 1993.

A large crowd erupted in cheers at Talarico's watch party in downtown Austin after the race was called.

“We just took back Texas,” Talarico told supporters upon taking the stage.

Talarico will become the Senate’s youngest member and replace longtime Sen. John Cornyn, 74, who lost a bruising GOP primary to the scandal-plagued Paxton, whose nomination bolstered Talarico’s appeal to Republican and independent voters.

Speaking briefly to supporters in Dallas, Paxton acknowledged GOP losses across the map. “We’ve had a difficult night tonight across the country, but it’s not over,” he said.

The heated campaign in Texas, one of the most expensive of the midterms, became partly a referendum on Paxton’s legal, personal and ethical troubles that have shadowed much of his three terms as the state’s attorney general.

Talarico, the grandson of a Baptist preacher, ran a campaign that sidestepped culture-war battles and instead emphasized an economic populist message while skewering Paxton’s history of scandal.

He told crowds that the biggest divide in the U.S. “is not left versus right, it’s top versus bottom.” Rarely maligning the Republican Party as a whole, the Democrat, whose path to victory required converting GOP voters, focused on the top issue of a frustrated electorate: the rising cost of living.

Hinojosa makes history
Hinojosa will become Texas' first Latina governor — and the first Democrat to hold the office since Ann Richards in the 1990s — following a groundbreaking victory that topples one of the nation's most prominent Republican governors and steadfast supporters of President Donald Trump, possibly accelerating the state’s shift to an emerging battleground.

Hinojosa's win served as validation for Democrats' long deferred dream that demographic changes in the state would be followed by a shift in political power. It also elevates Hinojosa, a 52-year-old state legislator from a liberal Austin district since 2017, into a breakout Democratic star, even as she did not have significant support from the national party for her campaign.

“It never bothered me that they doubted me. It bothered me that they doubted us,” Hinojosa told supporters at her victory party in Austin. “Texas, my faith in you never wavered.”

Jumping in the race with little money or name recognition, Hinojosa engineered a plucky and populist challenge, railing against artificial intelligence data centers and corruption to down Abbott. She also proved that money in politics has clear limits. Billionaire Elon Musk had spent tens of millions of dollars to back Republicans, and Abbott's campaign had spent $180 million since last year in what was thought to be a safe path to a fourth term.

But Hinojosa proved durable while simultaneously riding the tailwinds of Talarico's hard-charging Senate campaign, one of the nation's marquee races.

Abbott, who had been seeking a record fourth term, said he called Hinojosa and pledged to help her transition into office.

“Leading this state has been the greatest honor I’ve ever had,” Abbott told supporters as he conceded the race.

Putting the victory into action
How Hinojosa governs is likely to open a dramatic political and cultural shift in the Texas Capitol, which over the last decade has passed one of the nation’s strictest abortion laws, increasingly aggressive immigration crackdowns, and relaxed gun laws even as Texas was the site of some of the nation's worst mass shootings over the past decade.

Democrats didn't win in Texas with promises to turn back the clock on issues like abortion, guns, transgender rights, and diverting public tax money to private education. Instead, they ran on more populist ideas of affordability and railing against artificial intelligence data centers and corruption.

Hinojosa, a state legislator who grew up in the Rio Grande Valley along the border with Mexico, distanced herself from the proud progressive brand she carried in the statehouse. She instead batted away culture war issues for populist stances on an economy battered by Trump's tariffs and an unpopular war with Iran.

“The voters have delivered a mandate for change, and it is change they will get,” Hinojosa said. “We will lead with politics of courage, not convenience. Progress will not be halted by partisanship and Texas will bow to no one.”

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