Live Music Now

Here are the 6 best concerts in Houston this week

Holiday shopping is such a drag — the traffic, long lines, and Instead of presents that loved ones will surely forget by the end of January, give them the gift of music. It's scientifically proven to help one live a longer life - something that can't be wrapped in a bow.

Take a break from the holiday stress and maybe take in one of the following shows. Here are CultureMap's best, biggest, and notable shows for the week:

CultureMap show of the week: Brian Setzer Orchestra
The annual holiday tradition returns to Houston as former Stray Cats star Brian Setzer and his orchestra will showcase holiday tunes set to a swinging beat at Jones Hall as part of his Christmas Rocks! tour. Setzer first made his name during the new wave era with the Cats, bringing a swing strut to punk rock that recalled a lighter version of The Clash.

After that band broke up, he made an even bigger impact with his new gig as leader of the Brian Setzer Orchestra in the late-'90s at the forefront of the swing revival that earned him more notoriety and millions of album sales as a new generation discovered the fun in dressing up in flapper dresses and zoot suits, dancing to old-timey tunes, especially his "Jump, Jive & Wail." While the neo-swing era dissipated, Setzer created a cash cow by taking his band on the road to perform traditional holiday tunes in the key of swing. Not too bad, daddio.

The Brian Setzer Orchestra performs at the Jones Hall for the Performing Arts, located at 615 Louisiana St., on Wednesday, December 12. Tickets start at $35 plus fees. Show starts at 7:30 pm.

CultureMap recommends: Hayes Carll at Heights Theater
Revered Americana singer-songwriter and Houston native Hayes Carll has been building quite the reputation over the past 10 years, garnering Grammy nominations, winning Americana Music Association awards, and releasing really good music. His new album, What It Is, is out in February, songs which will no doubt be featured at his headlining slot at the Heights Theater this week.

He was recently announced as one of the performers at the Old Settler's Festival in Tilmon, Texas in April, so call this a preview of bigger shows to come. The best part is your ticket will buy you an opening set from the great Houston rock band, Vodi.

Hayes Carll plays the Heights Theater, located at 339 W 19th St., on Thursday, December 13. Local act Vodi opens. Tickets start at $26 plus a $6 service fee. Doors open at 7 pm.

Ministry at HOB
It's hard to overstate how important Ministry and songwriter Al Jourgensen has been on industrial and synth-based music. Ministry got progressively harder and downright weirder over the years, but when the band first started in 1981 in Chicago, they were much closer to Depeche Mode than heavy metal. Hits such as "Everyday is Like Halloween," "The Nature of Love," and later, "Jesus Built My Hotrod," and "N.W.O." paved the way for acts like Nine Inch Nails and White Zombie to thrive in the '90s.

Ministry headlines House of Blues, located at 1204 Caroline St., on Thursday, December 13. Carpenter Brut and Alien Weaponry open. Tickets start at $35 plus fees. Doors open at 6:30 pm.

'90s buzz bin returns: Fastball
Fastball is considered by most to be a one-hit wonder, but what a hit it was. "The Way" was one of the best rock songs of the '90s: a catchy AF tune that might be about running away from the daily grind, dementia in a pre-amber alert era, or a take on the Bonnie and Clyde story. But the three-piece that incorporated a healthy dose of Beatles melody, Texas blues, latin rhythms, and rock licks into their upbeat sound had been grinding it out on the Austin scene as a great live act for years.

They hit it huge with the aforementioned song from their album, All the Pain Money Can Buy, which went platinum in an era when alternative acts could make money. They will celebrate the 20th anniversary of that album with an intimate show at the Dosey Doe.

Fastball performs at the Big Barn at Dosey Doe, located at 25911 I-45 North, The Woodlands, on Friday, December 14. Tickets start at $28 plus fees - includes a three-course meal. Doors open at 6:30 pm.

Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz, the soft butter of pop-rock, will bring his chill vibes to Sugar Land for what is billed as an intimate acoustic concert (isn't this his thing?). "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" singer will be joined by percussionist Toca Rivera. Mraz is touring behind his latest, Know, which has been garnering decent reviews from the music press. Fans of Dave Matthews Band, Jack Johnson, and other similarly so-so music will surely love this.

Jason Mraz headlines the Smart Financial Centre at Sugar Land, located at 18111 Lexington Blvd. in Sugar Land, on Friday, December 14. Tickets start at $34.50 plus fees. Show starts at 8 pm.

Sleep at White Oak
Stoner rock fans, rejoice! California band Sleep, pioneers of the sludgy, grungy, Black Sabbath-indebted sound that influenced dozens of bands, including Queens of the Stone Age, are back with the critically acclaimed 2018 album, The Sciences, their first in 15 years.

Loud, methodical, and high as a kite, Sleep are the definition of stoner rock — a band for metal heads that enjoy some herbal relaxation instead of leather pants and Jack Daniels. Sleep first broke up in 2003, but not before they launched countless acts aping their sound. Bring your earplugs to this one.

Sleep is at White Oak Music Hall, located at 2915 N Main St., on Saturday, December 15. Pinkish Black opens. Tickets start at $25 plus fees. Doors open at 8 pm.

The Brian Setzer Orchestra will bring the swing to holiday hits at Jones Hall this Wednesday, December 12.

Photo courtesy of AT&T Performing Arts Center

The Brian Setzer Orchestra will bring the swing to holiday hits at Jones Hall this Wednesday, December 12.

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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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