Live Music Now

These are the 9 best concerts to catch in Houston this week

Don't say we didn't warn you. Lauryn Hill postponed her scheduled set at Smart Financial Centre in Sugar Land on September 29; the award-winning singer came down with cold. The show is now scheduled for May 9, 2019. Killing me softly, indeed.

In other music related news, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh apparently instigated an altercation after a UB40 concert back in 1985. (Serious question: Who gets into a fight over UB40? Too much red, red wine perhaps?)

Hopefully, the following shows will go on as scheduled without a postponement or FBI investigation. Here are CultureMap's best and biggest shows of the week.

Goo Goo Dolls celebrate the '90s
Get ready to slow dance awkwardly with your high school crush. There once was a time when the Goo Goo Dolls was one of the biggest bands in the country. Starting off as a power-pop trio led by lead singer, Johnny Rzeznik, the group hit it big with the acoustic ballad, “Name” in 1995, on the otherwise straight-ahead alt-rock album, A Boy Named Goo. The New York band hit it even bigger with “Iris” a few years later, a song played at every prom across America. The group is playing the corresponding album, Dizzy up the Girl, in full on its current U.S. tour.

Goo Goo Dolls play Dizzy up the Girl in its entirety at House of Blues, located at 1204 Caroline St., on Tuesday, October 2. Tickets start at $49.50 plus service fees. Doors open at 7 pm.

CultureMap free show of the week: The Tontons and Say Girl Say
Two of the best Houston acts come together for a free concert at Discovery Green this Thursday, in what is the best happy hour option of the week. Word is The Tontons, with their catchy-as-hell Smiths-esque sound, are in the studio finally working on a long-awaited follow-up to 2014's Make Out Stories and Other Stories of Love. Hallelujah. The mystical duo Say Girl Say is due to drop their second album soon. Here's hoping we'll get to hear some new tunes at this show.

The Tontons appear at the Thursday Concert Series at Discovery Green, 1500 McKinney St. Say Girl Say opens. Admission is free. Show starts at 7 pm.

J Balvin returns
After scoring one of the highest attended concerts at RodeoHouston earlier this year, reggaeton performer J Balvin (born José Álvaro Osorio Balvin) is back, playing a far more intimate show at the Smart Financial Centre in Sugar Land. His appearance couldn't have come a hotter time for the Latin pop star, having just scored a No. 1 single with the Cardi B track, "I Like It." His latest album, Vibras, recently gave him his highest chart placement, coming in at No. 15 on the Billboard charts. Expect a packed, energetic crowd for this one.

J Balvin performs at the Smart Financial Centre at Sugar Land, located at 18111 Lexington Blvd. in Sugar Land, on Thursday, October 4. Tickets start at $39.95 plus service charges. Show starts at 8 pm.

"Dancing Queen," Houston Symphony style
Is ABBA cool? One could argue that if you have to ask, probably not, but there's no denying the pure melodic brilliance of the Swedish quartet that produced some of the catchiest earworms in the history of pop music, so much that a massive Broadway play and two Hollywood hit films came from their songs. "Dancing Queen," "Mamma Mia," "Waterloo," "Take a Chance on Me," "S.O.S." and many more will be highlights when the Houston Symphony covers the jammed catalog of hits along with vocal group, Rajaton, this weekend at Jones Hall.

The Music of Abba will be performed by the Houston Symphony at Jones Hall, located at 615 Louisiana St., on Friday, October 5, Saturday, October 6, and Sunday, October 7. Tickets start at $59 plus service fees. Shows on Friday and Saturday start at 8 pm, Sunday at 7:30 pm.

CultureMap recommends: Buzzy Bishop Briggs at House of Blues
Fans of Imagine Dragons and girl power will want to check out Bishop Briggs, the 26-year-old, British alt-rock singer-songwriter who is blowing up the airwaves and racking up YouTube views as of late with her song, "The River." She has toured with Coldplay, appeared on American Idol, and is becoming a mainstay at international festivals for her in-your-face lyrics and powerful voice. Fans of INXS will want to check out her cover of "Never Tear Us Apart." She's touring behind her new album, Church of Scars.

Bishop Briggs is at House of Blues, located at 1204 Caroline St., on Saturday, October 6. Tickets start at $25 plus service fees. Doors open at 7 pm.

Hometown heroes: Wild Moccasins and Vodi
After teaming up at the Bands for Beto event at Warehouse Live in August, local acts Wild Moccasins and Vodi join forces once again at the Satellite Bar for full sets. Wild Moccasins are riding high following their summer release of their new album, Look Together, and Vodi is still working behind one of last year's bests, Talk. The much talked about John Allen Stephens, producer for The Suffers' Everything Here, will open. Hit this show to celebrate how strong the Houston music scene is right now.

Wild Moccasins headline Satellite Bar, located at 6922 Harrisburg Blvd., on Saturday, October 6. Vodi and John Allen Stephens open. Tickets start at $12 plus service charges. Doors open at 7 pm.

No. 1 Brockhampton at Revention
It's been a good week for Brockhampton, as the 14-member rap collective just hit No. 1 on the chart for its new album, Iridescence. Now based in L.A., the self-described boy band — think Wu-Tang crossed with N'Sync — just signed a $15 million record deal with music giant RCA after releasing earlier albums independently with smooth beats, and a fresh-faced, modern perspective. Not too shabby for a group that started off in San Marcos, Texas, with many members having ties to Houston.

Brockhampton performs at Revention Music Center, located at 520 Texas Ave., on Sunday, October 7. Tickets start at $35 plus service fees. Doors open at 8 pm.

Sebastian Bach at White Oak
Oh the '80s, when dudes with long hair, a can of hairspray, a makeup kit, and lots of leather could be rock stars. Count Sebastian Bach as one of those rock stars, the front man for Skid Row, which scored hits with "18 and Life," "I Remember You," and "Youth Gone Wild." Bach has maintained a profile in music, but is probably mostly remembered by this generation for his turn as an actor on smart teen drama, Gilmore Girls. For diehards, or fans of the classic show, Bach is back, playing the nostalgia circuit covering his Skid Row and solo hits.

Sebastien Bach headlines the White Oak Music Hall, located at 2915 N. Main St., on Sunday, October 7. One Bad Son and Monte Pittman opens. Tickets start at $20 plus a $8.63 service fee. Doors open at 7 pm.

CultureMap show of the week: Bands for Beto 2.0
Just like the August rally, put politics aside, and the latest gathering for U.S. Senate hopeful Beto O'Rourke is one heckuva music line-up. The Beto Voter Registration Rally will be hosted by H-town legends, hip-hop star Bun B and former Texans running back Arian Foster. In addition, you'll get performances from alt-folk crooner Shakey Graves, alt-rockers The Tontons, rapper Willie D, and Latin act Bombon. In other words, there's something for everyone. (Unless you're a Ted Cruz fan, that is.)

The Beto Voter Registration Rally goes down at White Oak Music Hall, located at 2915 N. Main St., on Monday, October 8. Bun B, Shakey Graves, Willie D, The Tontons, and Bombon will perform. RSVP required. $25 donation is suggested. Doors open at 6:30 pm.

'80s hair metal stalwart Sebastian Bach is at White Oak Music Hall on Sunday, October 7.

Courtesy Facebook

'80s hair metal stalwart Sebastian Bach is at White Oak Music Hall on Sunday, October 7.

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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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