Go ahead, Apple, make my day.

The media invitation to Tuesday's press conference, in which the techie magnate was expected to announce two new iPhone models, promised to "brighten everyone's day." Unless the new version can do my laundry, shop for my groceries and walk my dogs, chances are that whatever improvements come to the mobile toy will instead only proliferate the love-hate relationship one has with a device that keeps users connected ad nauseam.

Technology reporters and geek bloggers began pouring into Apple's Headquarters eight hours before the show was set to commence, and waited as the whole world salivated with anticipation to learn about the next whatever that's intended to revolutionize our lives.

Ladies and gents, former Vice President Al Gore — you know, the inventor of the interwebs — is in the house.

Live bloggers and video stream commenters had a field day criticizing Apple for recycling information from the previous conference.

Still . . . let's take a moment to gush over iOS 7, shall we.

The operation system that's slated to become available on Sept. 18 pledges to overhaul the user experience. Prettier wall papers, better search function, easier multitasking controls, more realistic male and female voices for Siri, techno-like ring tones, 3D tabs and a better camera app with filters (if only Instagram had thought of that) are some of the 200 features included.

Breaking news: iPhoto, iMovie, Pages, Keynote and Numbers — five previously paid apps —are, starting today, free. Feeling the pressure from Google Docs much?

As for the new iPhone models, Apple also unveiled the iPhone 5C and its more expensive brother, the iPhone 5S — which hit the U.S. market Sept. 20.

Yes to more selfies

The iPhone 5C, available starting at $99 with a two-year contract, is a cheerful design with bright colors that include blue, rust, puke green and acid yellow. The installed wall paper will match the phone's exterior. Longer battery life and improved backside illumination complement the faster processor. The one-piece plastic back and sides are arsenic-free, mercury-free and — wait for it — Android-free.

The iPhone 5S, however, is a considerable step up from previous versions. Available in futuristic silver, cougar gold and chic space gray, it's the performance that's worth noting.

As compared to the iPhone 5, the CPU performance and graphics speeds of the iPhone 5S are twice as fast. In contrast to the original iPhone, the CPU is 40 times faster and the graphics are 56 times faster.

The camera has been equipped with a larger/faster aperture, which is better for low light conditions. A 15 percent bigger sensor plus a flash that consists of both a white and an amber light have the capacity to analyze 15 different versions of a photo prior to rendering an image. The software pores over all these potential photos and creates a composite that contains the sharpest parts of each. As for video recording options, slow-motion rates up to 120 frames per second in 720p high definition are sure to whet the appetites of social media buffs.

We should expect a rise in narcissistic selfies. And more below-the-belt oopsies from Anthony Weiner.

The iPhone 5S's unlocking mechanism will see an enhancement with Touch ID, which uses fingerprints as personal credentials instead of a four-digit passcode.

The iPhone 5S is available staring at $199 with a two-year contract. The older iPhone 4S will be offered free with a two-year contract.

Next month, Apple expects to deliver its 700 million iOS device courtesy of an expanding footprint that includes 100 countries and 270 carriers. In December, the iPhone will deploy in China for the first time.

A big deal? Maybe. But my house is still a mess.