Miley Cyrus is a lot of things, but a stranger to jaw-dropping performances is certainly not one of them. Starting off Sunday night's show at the Toyota Center, holding her beloved crotch beneath her bedazzled uni, she told the crowd, "I'ma do my thing," as she high-fived her tiny dancer.
Each prop, set and costume change was much more provocative and interesting than the previous one as Miley continued to push the envelope with her adoring crowd and critics everywhere.
If you think it couldn't get any weirder or equally awesome during one show, think again. This is Miley Cyrus after all.
"I told you what kinda show you're at — you're at a mother f@cking party," she said before taking a swig of her Ozarka water and spitting it into a (welcoming) fan's mouths.
Then she laid down on a larger-than-king-size bed with at least 10 other backup dancers frolicking around like free spirits, spread eagle for fans and cameras to get a close up of her goods — yet her voice was not unrattled in the slightest.
As quickly as she disappeared off stage in red shiny cowboy boots, she returned in a bedazzled leather bikini accompanied by leather chaps as she humped a 20-foot inflatable wolf. If you think it couldn't get any weirder or equally awesome during one show, think again. This is Miley Cyrus after all.
This is how you put on a show. Miley pulled out all the stops in Houston on her Bangerz Tour, tongue hanging out in between breaths, humping everything in sight and playing along with the crowd.
Upping the ante
The show continued to up the ante as the big screen behind the stage showed an animated Miley-like character with face paint riding a jet-ski as she went for a quick wardrobe change between songs.
"Y'all gotta prove to me why Houston is the best place in Texas — I gotta know where the sluttiest place is because that's where I want to be," she screamed to the crowd. "San Antonio had girls kissing girls — remember, the dirtier the better — there's never enough tongue at a Miley Cyrus concert," she said, baiting the crowd. Fans got a chance to make out on the big screen above the stage, where girls kissed girls and guys kissed guys on camera — all to the crowd's (and Miley's) delight.
"This is the kiss cam - don't leave me f*cking hanging," she teased.
Miley's final "slutty" assessment of the H-Town crowd: "You might be tied with San Antonio because y'all are really slutty!"
In yet another wardrobe change, Cyrus surprised fans in the middle of the arena by singing a few songs on a smaller and more intimate stage, this time all rhinestoned out wearing her own face screen-printed onto an oversized night shirt with her strategically-placed bedazzled mouth over her lady parts.
She took a minute to make an Instagram video — something she's become known for during this tour. She took it all in as screaming fans threw dollar bills, watches, bras and condoms on stage at the pop icon.
Serious love
Showing Texas some serious love, Miley took a moment to sing a few of Dolly Parton's songs, including "Love is like a Butterfly," noting it's a much darker song than most think. (Parton is Miley's godmother.)
"I know y'all won't mind me doing Dolly tunes tonight, we're in Texas!," she exclaimed.
There aren't many performers who can go from belting out "Jolene" to twerking in a matter of seconds, but count Billy Ray's daughter as one of the few.
With hundreds of foam fingers waving in the audience, Miley broke into a Bob Dylan cover ("It Ain't Me Babe"), followed by a beautiful and artful rendition of Coldplay's "The Scientist." Hey, nobody said it was easy, but she sure as hell made it sound easy. Cue the goosebumps, fans.
There aren't many performers who can go from belting out "Jolene" to twerking in a matter of seconds, but count Billy Ray's daughter as one of the few.
The only universal theme I can gather from the entire show is this: to blow your effing mind the whole time. Performing for almost two hours and ending the show with two encores, including her big hits "We Can't Stop" and "Wrecking Ball," Miley showed with ease why her shows are selling out, and gave fans their money's worth.
In perhaps the most bizarre moment of the night, Miley jumped on a hot dog and began soaring over the crowd. "My weiner goes up as long as you guys make some noise," she said before disappearing behind the clouds, before her first encore.
I wish I could make this up, but that's just so Miley. So wildly and beautifully unpredictable with the vocals to back up every inch of it.
And in true blow-your-mind fashion, she finished out the one of the longest concerts I've ever attended with "Party in the USA," doning hillbilly teeth to flash a big smile to all her crazed fans.
"It's my mouth, I can say what I want to," she shouted — and she certainly proved that.
Even Miley thought her concert should have a parental advisory.
