All hail the princess

Bachelor redux: In defense of Vienna

Not since the blacked-out finale of The Sopranos has such a collective moan been heard from living rooms across the country. As had been widely predicted, Bachelor Jake Pavelka picked slightly crazy and annoying Vienna Girardi over sweet-as-pie Tenley to get the final rose—and an engagement ring.

"How could he?" seems to be the response of most women (and men) I know. But my response is "How could he not?"

While I haven't been a fervent viewer all season, I've seen enough to know why Vienna has so many haters. She seemed convinced to the point of nuttiness that Jake would be her husband from day one. She could be rude, tactless and immature, especially when the other girls were talking about their connection or time with Jake. She was blunt, and she didn't bother to cover up her distaste for the girls she considered to be threats to her goal of ending up with Jake.

But let's be real, who wants to hear someone wax rhapsodic about how in love they are with the guy you like and how much he likes them back?

The natural reaction isn't to squeal and share their joy and act happy for them, as many of the girls on the show did. The natural reaction is to be devastated and fantasize about pushing them off a cliff.

Think that kind of jealousy and competition is unladylike? How many romantic dates with other women would you want to hear about your boyfriend being on?

While Vienna had more than her share of groan-worthy, "Is she kidding me?" moments, as Chris Harrison said on The Bachelor's "The Women Tell All" episode, "you're never as cool as you think you are." I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on a controversial personality merely because she wasn't afraid to actually have one. Vienna was neither the token bad girl or the house crazy—those would be Rozlyn and Michelle, respectively.

Tenley might have been the nicest, most lovely person on the planet, but that doesn't make her interesting. Aside from rainbows, puppies, unicorns and Jake, what does Tenley like? What does she hate? What is she interested in? I have no idea, and it's possible that Jake didn't either. To quote Dorothy Parker, "She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."

Is it so wrong to find a sensitive, funny, opinionated girl and love her because of and not despite these traits? Who, instead of gleefully hanging on your every word, teases you and challenges you to be funny and interesting and spontaneous to earn her affection? Can't women be desirable and be more than smiles and sunshine? Isn't that what feminism was about?

I think no less an authority on romance than Jane Austen would agree. In Pride and Prejudice, beautiful and sweet-natured Jane is adored, but she isn't the protagonist. That would be her sister Elizabeth Bennet—not quite as pretty, but lively, smart, and headstrong. Jane ends up happily ever after, but it's the difficult, unexpected and eventually passionate love between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy that's a romance for the ages.

Is Vienna a modern-day Elizabeth Bennet? Maybe not. But if I was holding auditions for my girl-posse, she's the one I'd want to hang out with and get tipsy—not Tenley. So I can't judge Jake for making the same decision.

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Movie Review

Rachel McAdams goes feral in Sam Raimi's gory new comedy Send Help

Photo by Brook Rushton

Rachel McAdams in Send Help.

Director Sam Raimi has gone through different phases as a filmmaker, including leading the first Spider-Man trilogy and joining the MCU with Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. But he first gained notice with the gory and funny Evil Dead movies, a sensibility he’s returning to with his latest film, Send Help.

Linda Liddle (Rachel McAdams) is a meek and eccentric middle manager at a financial firm that’s just named Bradley Preston (Dylan O’Brien) as its new nepo CEO. Bradley’s dad had promised Linda a promotion to vice president, but she gets passed over in favor of one of Bradley’s frat buddies, sending her into a mild rage. Still, she gets invited along on a planned business trip to Thailand, during which she hopes to prove her worth.

Unfortunately for most of the passengers on the private plane, it crashes into the ocean, leaving only Linda and Bradley alive on a deserted island. Linda, who has privately developed survival skills, adapts quickly to the forbidding environment, while Bradley tries to revert to bossing her around. But Linda quickly understands the power dynamic has shifted, and she uses this knowledge to try to keep Bradley in line, turning their stranding into a battle of wills.

Directed by Raimi and written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, the film is the classic “so bad it’s good” kind of experience. McAdams, inarguably an attractive and charming person, is given stringy hair, an antisocial personality, and quirks like eating tuna fish at her desk to make her as off-putting as possible. Bradley, along with almost everyone else at her office, is stereotyped just as hard in order to set up the twist of fate.

When the action shifts to the island, things get even more over the top. The audience has already been primed for Linda to demonstrate her survival expertise, but the film does way more than just show her making fire. Whether it’s flawlessly building a shelter or hunting a wild boar, everything Linda does is portrayed in a slightly off-kilter manner. Then they turn everything up to 11, indulging in gore that is so unnecessary that you can’t help but laugh.

The filmmakers prove they’re in on the joke the rest of the way, including a variety of preposterous but hilarious scenarios that would cause massive eyerolls if they were actually trying to take the film seriously. While they do a great job of showing Linda’s ability to handle herself in the wild, they also show that she is somehow the only person in the world who could get a glow up after a plane crash and weeks living in nature.

McAdams, an Oscar-nominated actor for Spotlight, is way too high class for a movie like this, which makes her presence here all the more interesting. She is all-in on whatever Raimi wants her to do, and she’s at her most fun when she goes the animalistic route. O’Brien, who was great in the recent Twinless, doesn’t get as much of an opportunity to show his range, but he still proves to be an interesting foil for her.

Were it released in any other month, Send Help might be looked at as bottom of the barrel material. But with the movie year just getting started, it’s easier to forgive its outrageous plot twists and just have fun, especially since Raimi and his team put the rest of the film together so well.

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Send Help opens in theaters on January 30.

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