hou-cede, i cede
Should Houston secede from Texas? Ken Hoffman imagines the great state of H-Town
Welcome to the Great State of Houston, y'all.
Saw an interesting headline recently, “Texas secessionists feel more emboldened than ever.” Seems there was a meeting — in Waco of course — where members of the Texas Nationalist Movement fantasized about Texas saying bye-bye to America and going it alone as a whole other country.
They call it “Texit.” They say they have 60,000 signatures on a petition they hope will get secession on the Texas Republican primary ballot.
Of course it ain’t gonna happen. For starters, it’s illegal and unconstitutional for a state to declare independence from the U.S. Besides, why would Texas want to leave? Texas shouldn’t have any gripe with the country. If anything, Texas is teacher’s pet of the U.S. — we’re officially the eighth largest economy in the world, after all.
For get “Texit,” how about “See Hou Later”
But for fun, let’s play the beloved Sesame Street game: “One one of these things is different from the others?” And since we’re already just pretendin’ the only seceding that makes any sense around here would be: Houston seceding from Texas.
Houston’s officially reported population is about 2.28 million. If Houston became the 51st state unto itself, it would go from being the fourth largest city in the U.S. to being the 36th most populous state in the country. Not too small, not too big, just right between Kansas and New Mexico.
So I gotta ask: Who needs who more? Does Houston needs Texas, or does Texas needs Houston?
While Texas looks and acts like most of the rest of the U.S., Houston is nothing like most of the rest of Texas. The Lone Star State is decidedly red with the governor, lieutenant governor, attorney general, both senators and both houses of the legislature all Republican.
Houston is deep Democrat. While elections for Houston mayor are non-partisan, our mayors — including our new mayor — are bluer than Richard Pryor’s standup act. Our city council is mostly Democrats, too.
Welcome to The Great State of Houston
Let’s imagine a stand-alone state of Houston.
Houston instantly becomes the most liberal state in the southern U.S., an island of blue in a sea of red. Some changes, if left to voters, appear certain. They could stop counting the votes at 7:01 pm to declare that Houston has approved legalized sports and casino gambling.
Downtown Houston, currently closed at night, would vibrate 24/7. Mattress Mack wouldn’t have to go out-of-state to bet his millions. Recreational use of marijuana would win — that’s if supporters remembered to cast their ballots. Gun control laws would pass.
Economically, Houston would be a powerhouse and essential player for U.S. national security. Houston has not one, but two international airports. Judging from the price of a burger and fries with the new concession company at Hobby, the airport must be rolling in money. I put a down payment on a brisket sandwich last month – three more payments and I get to eat it.
Speaking of economics, Houston just passed Miami and is now the No. 1 city in the U.S. for foreign business. We boast the No. 4 lowest cost of living of all U.S. metros. Pair that low cost of living with big pay: Woodlands residents had the highest income increase in America from 2021 to 2022, per another survey. And we live large here — literally. Three Houston suburbs just ranked as the most “house-rich” in the U.S.
On social issues, it’s probable that pro-choice and LGBTQ rights would win the day.
The shining star of Texas
Houston is the energy capital of the world — heck, our company even has a whole website dedicated to that fact. Houston claims more Fortune 500 companies than any city outside of New York. Houston’s port is one of the biggest in the world, and No. 1 in the U.S. for overall tonnage.
We have pro teams in baseball, football, basketball, and soccer. They’re all winners as of the moment. Our stadiums are so modern that you can almost – I said almost – get a Wi-Fi signal in them.
Houston is the largest city in Texas, No. 4 in the U.S. and closing in fast on No. 3 Chicago. A recent study says we are set to be No. 2 biggest metro in the U.S. by 2100.
Our Med Center is the biggest and most advanced complex of medical facilities in the world — and a city in itself. People come to Houston to live — and they come to the Med Center not to die.
The Museum District has 19 museums and attracts 7 million visitors. You’ll never hear this from a New Yorker, but Memorial Park, at 1,500 acres, is almost twice the size of Central Park in NYC.
Anyone who has ever taken out-of-towners to see the space shuttle and Orion rockets knows that Johnson Space Center sits within Greater Houston city limits.
The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is the biggest and richest livestock event and rodeo competition in the world; basically, with all the huge entertainers, we throw a Super Bowl every year.
Houston has consistently been ranked the most racially and ethnically diverse major city in the country. It’s a source of strength and unity in Houston — not division, like some other parts of Texas. We are an international city, gateway to the Caribbean and South America.
Some of the first sentences transmitted from the moon to earth during the Apollo 11 mission started with “Houston” – not anywhere else in Texas, or anywhere else period. Houston really is the star of the Lone Star State.
