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    Crazy '80s

    Not just another Manic Monday: Oh Susanna Hoffs, if only Prince hadn't moved in

    Jim Beviglia
    Jun 14, 2010 | 7:14 am
    • Susanna Hoffs as she looked back at the time of "Maniac Monday."
    • Susanna Hoffs is married to the director of Austin Powers today.
    • While trying to woo Hoffs, Prince wrote her the song that gave the Bangles theirfirst big hit.
    • Susanna Hoffs still hasn't lost her charisma today.

    This is the fifth in a series of stories celebrating the unforgettable songs (even if you thought you've forgotten them you haven't, trust us) from arguably the craziest music era of all time: The '80s. Whether this was the music of your youth or long before your time, a little bit of the '80s surely lives in you.

    By 1986 I had pretty much bailed on MTV. The dreaded hair metal era had begun, prompting oodles of young girls to call in endless requests for Motley Crue, Warrant, and the like. (As much as I’ve come around on Bret Michaels, the reality star, I can tell you that “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” would send my 14-year-old self into a fit of music-snob anger.)

    But then, something pulled me back in to the channel. And that something was the remote possibility that a Bangles video would come on, for “Manic Monday” had me crushing on Susanna Hoffs something fierce.

    The funny thing is that I had heard and seen The Bangles before and been largely unaffected. Maybe puberty had taken the reins of my psyche more fully by the time “Manic Monday” made its debut. But I prefer to think it was a confluence of factors that had me feeling a little swoony over Susanna every time that opening piano riff arrived.

    First of all, there were her looks. To paraphrase an old Seinfeld line, she had all the qualities that appeal to the superficial male, but there was something more. She had a way of looking sideways at the camera that just killed me.

    I could have sworn that she was bound for movie success as well. (As one of approximately seven people who saw her film debut, The Allnighter, let me just say I might have been a little off with that one.)

    Then, there was her voice. There was this amazing combination of innocence and allure that really had a way of cutting through the radio or TV speakers. But just the right song was needed to capture that delicate combination.

    Too many Bangles songs failed to get that balance right, in my humble opinion. They would often go too far to the sexy side (“In Your Room”) or to the innocent side (“Eternal Flame”) or to the WTF side (“Walk Like An Egyptian”).

    Leave it to Prince to get it right. The legend goes that he gave the song to The Bangles as a way of courting Hoffs. (Damn you, Prince, and your prolific songwriting output.) Whether that worked or not, there is no doubt the song paid off for The Bangles, giving them their first big hit (No 2 in both the United States. and the United Kingdom).

    And it was well-deserved. One of Prince’s most underrated gifts as a songwriter is that he’s one of the few artists who can do Beatlesque without sounding slavish to the Fab 4. This song shows off that gift fabulously, especially when The Bangles’ luscious harmonies take hold.

    A distracted budding music critic

    Back then, I couldn’t really see any of those extraneous virtues though. To me, Susanna carried the song every step of the way. She caressed those metrically precise lines with the kind of dexterity only the finest pop singers possess. She expertly portrayed the frazzled exasperation of the song’s heroine.

    She somehow managed to make the phrase “employment’s down” sound sultry.

    What I wasn’t able to properly tell back then is if my ears were controlling my libido or vice versa. Maybe I just wanted to be her dream paramour on a “crystal blue Italian stream,” instead of that lucky S.O.B. Rudolph Valentino. Or, dare to fantasize, maybe I just wanted to be the one who got to deliver one of his Purpleness’ all-time great come-on lines to Susanna: “Come on, honey, let’s go make some noise.”

    As the years passed, I traded my crush on Susanna for real-life attraction to girls I knew, which turned out to be a much more complicated and painful experience. Time also eventually revealed that my love for “Manic Monday” was more than just the byproduct of schoolboy infatuation; the song is still pop perfection, the ideal marriage of songwriting genius and a spot-on performance by The Bangles.

    Today's reality reveals an underrated truth

    These days I’m happily coupled, and Susanna is married to a big-time movie director, so ours was a romance that was not to be. A few years back, I stumbled onto an album of covers that she did with '90s indie-pop hero Matthew Sweet, and I rediscovered that amazing voice. I heard it unfettered by my former crush and I fully appreciated, maybe for the first time, what an excellent singer she is, really underrated when you come right down to it.

    So, Susanna, this one’s for you, a long-delayed mash note to my teenage unattainable dream girl.

    And for those of you who might think I’m out of line for penning an ode to another woman while in a happy relationship, keep in mind that my girlfriend told me when we met that, should Bon Jovi ever come calling, she’ll be out the door faster than a cowboy on a steel horse. So it’s all good.

    See Susanna in action:

    unspecified
    news/entertainment

    Movie Review

    Cheesiness undermines Whalefall's intense survival story

    Alex Bentley
    Oct 16, 2026 | 1:01 pm
    Austin Abrams in Whalefall
    Photo courtesy of 20th Century Studios
    Austin Abrams in Whalefall.

    Austin Abrams has been a professional actor for 15 years, but the 30-year-old seems to just now be getting his due. After years of mostly supporting roles in films like Paper Towns, Brad’s Status, and Weapons, he has been charged with leading two films in 2026 where he’s largely acting by himself: First Resident Evil and now Whalefall.

    Abrams plays Jay Gardiner, who has returned home to California a year after the death of his hard-ass father, Mitt (Josh Brolin). The two had a tempestuous relationship, and while his mom (Elisabeth Shue) and sisters (Jane Levy and Emily Rudd) reminisce fondly about him, Jay finds it difficult to come up with good memories. The two did share a connection with the ocean, and Jay decides to honor him by going scuba diving.

    Ignoring warnings of whale activity in the area, Jay makes his way out into a notoriously dangerous part of the ocean near their home. Soon after he starts swimming, he encounters a sperm whale chasing after a giant squid. Jay inadvertently gets sucked into the enormous creature’s mouth and, ultimately, inside its body. Faced with a seemingly inescapable situation, Jay’s only hope lies in the lessons his father taught him.

    Directed by Brian Duffield and adapted by Duffield and Daniel Kraus from Kraus’ book of the same name, the film is at its best when it depicts Jay struggling to survive within the whale. The claustrophobic nature of the setting and the various obstacles (multiple contracting chambers, the squid, and more) he faces make every scene inside the whale feel as intense and cover-your-eyes scary as any great horror movie.

    Naturally, the entire movie can’t be about his survival efforts, and so the filmmakers toggle back and forth between Jay’s ordeal in the whale to memories of times with his father. Not so coincidentally, these remembrances come with subtle or overt wisdom from Mitt that would serve Jay well in his current situation. More often than not, these flashback scenes are so on-the-nose that they come off as cheesy instead of inspirational.

    It’s also difficult to derive any big emotions from the story other than revulsion at the way Jay’s body is brutalized while he’s inside the whale. None of the characters in the film receive a notable introduction to the audience before big events start happening. It’s next-to-impossible to be invested in their stories when their personalities are being revealed in bits and pieces throughout the movie.

    Abrams does well enough in bringing out the terror Jay feels in the whale and the sullenness/anger he has toward his father in other scenes. But whether it’s because his lines in the whale are hard to understand (he’s often talking around a scuba mouthpiece) or the disconnect the character has with father, there’s just something missing in his performance. Brolin’s performance is one-note, and Shue, Levy, Rudd, and John Ortiz don’t appear enough to make a big impact.

    With Kraus onboard as the co-writer of the film, it may be the case that Duffield was not given leeway to change the story of Whalefall too much. What might have worked in the book doesn’t seem to translate equally to the film, and while Jay’s nightmare in the whale is effective, the rest of his story doesn’t come across as successfully.

    ---

    Whalefall is now playing in theaters.

    austin abramsbook to filmscuba divingsurvivaltheaterswhalefallmovie review
    news/entertainment

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