Got into a discussion over the weekend with friends over the importance of political endorsements. You know, since there was a kerfuffle recently over one Houston mayoral candidate claiming an endorsement that the supposed endorser says he didn’t make for the endorsee.

Oops.

Talk about a worthless slap on the back — at least these days. Of all the things I consider before deciding whom to vote for, endorsements aren’t one of them. Who cares about any politician’s endorsement?

Or celebrity endorsements. Or critics’ opinions. Or unsolicited advice. Or solicited advice for that matter.

A non-endorsement for endorsements in general

I have never voted for anybody, bought a product, watched a movie, eaten at a restaurant or done anything because a celebrity or politician or media person recommended it. And I stopped taking advice from anybody a long time ago.

Nothing matters less than a political endorsement. A politician could say, “Vote for this person, he’s a fine upstanding paragon of virtue, the next George Washington.”

Six months later, that “endorsed” guy’s indicted and his wife is going back to her maiden name and consulting a divorce lawyer.

Yeah, I’ll trust a politician’s endorsement. Right after I consider a newspaper’s political endorsement. Newspaper endorsements used to be precious and could turn an election. Now they’re not worth the paper they’re printed on. (Or, the website that I refuse to pay for.)

When celeb endorsement fails cost billions

Celebrities? I can’t believe that anybody buys any Kardashian Krap. If Kim said she loves Ballpark hot dogs, give me two Oscar Mayers with sauerkraut and spicy brown mustard.

How about soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo, the most famous footballer in the world? During a Euro 2020 press conference, he sat down and, clearly annoyed, moved two bottles of Coke that were sitting in front of him. He then raised his bottle of water and declared, “Agua.” Problem was, Coca-Cola was an official sponsor of Euro 2020. His obvious snub cost the world’s biggest soda company $4 billion — with a B — in market value.

Again, oops.

Then there’s movies, with a critic saying, “You absolutely must see this film. I give it a zillion stars!” I’ve worked with a few movie critics that I wouldn’t trust them to get me a box of Raisinets at the candy counter. They’d probably come back with Twizzlers.

Someone actually gave the movie with this guy a good review.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones, with this character, got great endorsements. Photo courtesy of Lucasmfilm

Recommend a movie? The last five movies to win the Academy Award for Best Picture were: Everything Everywhere All at Once, Coda, Nomadland, Parasite, and Green Book. Critics raved.

How many of those Oscar-winning, critically acclaimed movies did you see? I’m at zero.

(Fun fact: in just its opening weekend, Taylor Swift’s concert film sold $100 million worth of tickets. That’s more than any of the last 10 Best Picture winners grossed during their entire run.)

It seems every month a new list of “Best Pizza Places in America” comes out. I love pizza. If I were forced to pick one food that I had to eat every day for the rest of my life, it’d be pizza and nothing’s close. Those Best Pizza lists usually include one or two places in Houston. I’ve been to most of the critics’ favorite pizzerias here. Eh. Too bready. Too greasy. Not greasy enough. My go-to pizza joint never makes these lists because, I’m guessing, it’s an Irish pub.

For 20 years I wrote a weekly fast food review column. I was the No. 1 food critic in Texas ($10 and cheaper). I wrote more than 1,000 reviews. But I rarely said if an item was good, bad or in-between. Instead of rating a fast food item, I merely described the treat, listed the ingredients and nutritional numbers, made a couple of silly jokes, and let the reader decide whether to try it.

That’s because nothing is more personal and subjective than someone’s taste in food. And people can get ornery about their favorite food, especially in Texas. One time I wrote, “why would anybody put mustard on a hamburger? Sounds awful.” Pitchforks and torches. I thought I would have to join the witness protection program. I still think mustard on a burger is an abomination, I just don’t say it.

One year I caught the football betting bug. I subscribed to Score, Danny Sheridan, and the Gold Sheet gambling tip sheets. They’re experts, they live and breathe football, so I took their advice on which teams to bet my meager money. By Super Bowl I was wearing a barrel with shoulder straps.

Look at ESPN 97.5 FM host Lance Zierlein. He knows more about football than anybody I’ve ever met. But Lance has as much clue who’s going to win Sunday afternoon as a cow pooping on a giant bingo card. I’m not 100-percent certain he knows how to get hot, fresh French fries every time at McDonald’s.

Advice should come with a government warning. The best advice on accepting advice came from Richard Pryor. The comedian said his father once told him about the bird and the bees, but Pryor didn’t believe a word of it because “he’d been wrong about everything else.”

Nutcracker Market is back

November is around the corner and in Houston that means black belt consumers are sharpening their credit cards for the 43rd Nutcracker Market at NRG Center. (We made a big deal about here.) This year’s shopping spree takes place Thursday Nov. 9 through Sunday Nov. 12. Daily session tickets are available at Ticketmaster.

The Nutcracker Market annually attracts 100,000 shoppers descending on nearly 300 vendors selling all kinds of apparel, accessories, jewelry, gourmet food, home and holiday décor, toys and unique gifts. My wildly popular Donne Di Domani spaghetti sauce ladies will be back. Warning: if you wait until the weekend, in the words of Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi, you may hear “no sauce for you!”

Remember the rules: no strollers, carts, rolling bags, wagons or pets.

The Nutcracker Market is one of the most beloved shopping events in Houston. Photo courtesy of Nutcracker Market

The savviest Nutcracker veterans don’t wait until Thursday to stalk the various booths. The Wells Fargo Preview Party will be held 6:30 pm-10 pm on Wednesday, November 8.

Preview Party animals will get first crack at the merchandise and they’ll be able to plunder the buffet and cocktail stations. A Preview Party ticket also will get you admission to the entire run of the Market. For some, the Preview Party means guaranteed, leisurely access to the Donne Di Domani booth. The rest of the week means a spaghetti sauce stampede that makes the Running of the Bulls look like Martin Maldonado trying to beat out a bunt. For Preview Party tickets, call 713-535-3231.

Proceeds from the Nutcracker Market support Houston Ballet, the fifth-largest ballet company in the U.S., with 59 dancers making 85 performances each year.

I’ve actually been to a Houston Ballet performance. I watched amazingly athletic women dancing on their tippy toes. It was very entertaining, but it made me wonder: instead of making the women dance on their toes, why don’t they just hire taller dancers? That question courtesy of Highlights Magazine. (Editor’s note: Way to cite the hard-hitting journalism, Ken.)

Do you take endorsements seriously? Love the Nutcracker Market? Let Ken know at ken@culturemap.com or on Twitter.