Aftershocks
Cat fights do break for the holidays: Camille Grammer & Kyle Richards kiss andboogie up
It’s the season for giving. But this week The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills showed us who has a lump of coal right where her heart should be.
Don’t let the sun fool you. It began as grim morning in Beverly Hills. Everyone dissected Camille Grammer's chainsaw-massacre dinner party, complete with an electronic cigarette-smoking psychic. The aftershocks were profound, and there were more social events to come. What else could happen? A lot of selfishness, readers, and three Grinches emerged early on.
As Lisa VanderPump diligently prepared Villa Blanca for a fundraiser, she realized there was something missing: her live-in gay Cedric. It seems the holiday spirit wasn’t quite enough to rouse him from the no doubt hyper-luxurious nest that Lisa provided and feathered for him.
When Cedric rolls in late to help with arrangements, Lisa tears him a new one. This seemed fitting given the noticeable hole in the “seat” of his jeans, which he struggled to cover with his T-shirt. What were you up to last night, Cedric?
Did we forget to mention that the fundraiser benefited a burn victim? According to Lisa, the poor woman was set on fire by a would-be wooer. Kind of makes whatever rave, grab, or tumble Cedric was up to seem a tad less important.
Cedric was not the biggest Grinch, however. He was just late. Kim Richards and Camille Grammer were total no-shows for the burn victim’s benefit.
It was quickly clear that Camille was a grade-A Grinch. She may not have time to raise money for a burn victim, but Bravo makes sure we see that she has plenty of time to ride her “husband’s buddy” Nick. Or rather, we mean ride with Nick. On his motorcycle.
As they suit-up to disappear into the horizon, Camille jokes that Kelsey has a big Harley. Really, Camille? We’re guessing Nick’s got a bigger bike. Even if he doesn’t, we guess he’s much handier behind the handlebars than poor ol’ Kelsey, who seems to prefer the friendly skies to the open roads.
As if that’s not bad enough, Camille makes a digital drive-by at the fundraiser and drops a bomb on Kyle Richards. The text informs Kyle that her dreamy husband, real estate agent Mauricio, will no longer work for Camille and Kelsey. For a moment, we thought we were back in New Jersey as Danielle “Garbage” Staub, eyes flashing, tried to steal the spotlight at a fundraiser for a baby with a blastoma.
We think Taylor said it best when she, too, was dismayed by Camille’s absence: “There are people with real problems,” she says.
Camille’s absence spoke volumes, and in a different way, so did Kim’s. The mostly depressed and anxious blonde spends much of this episode alone and ruminating about how she can’t get along with the others.
She does take time out to get a manicure with Taylor, even if they quarreled at Camille’s party from hell. They meet at The Painted Nail, where a sign stating “Cash Tips Only” hangs over the register. In a confused dialogue, they sort of make up after ordering “the ice-cream manicure.” Taylor leaves thinking that she just can’t figure the woman out, and perhaps Kim should have a superhero costume painted with a big question mark. Wait, isn’t that the Riddler, from Batman?
Later Kim mopes about her crappy house, strutting and fretting over daughter Whitney’s impending trip to Houston. Kim ascends a narrow stairway with two hastily-prepared tuna sandwiches flanked by limp Kosher spears. It’s a lonely last supper with her girl, who is more hopeful that Kim will fold the clothes she’s packing than provide companionship. Kim wouldn’t dream of forsaking their “last night” together to attend Taylor’s Roaring Twenties party, but Whitney says she doesn’t care if Kim goes.
And the other women don’t seem to mind, either, since it’s all fake smiles and air-kisses at Comme Ça, where Taylor holds court, looking positively fabulous in her flapper costume.
“If you want to keep pace in Beverly Hills, you have to throw parties that people will talk about,” she admits in her video diary. But compared to the fête she threw for her daughter’s fourth birthday, this is a mere get-together.
By now it seems that Lisa and Cedric have made up, and they decide to trade outfits and both go the party in drag. Cedric stumbles in high heels and clutches a bright red fur stole around his biceps and triceps. Lisa has painted in a mustache and looks a bit like an older Charlie Chaplin.
Kyle, who is usually stunning, looks both old and fat in her Louise Brooks get-up, but her husband Mauricio is dashing in a white dinner jacket. He shows off his vintage jewelry to Camille, after giving her a big kiss, and she and Kyle glare at each other. Adrienne is wearing something blue, and her husband Paul looks enormous in a bright red gangster suit. Mauricio does an impromptu tango with Cedric, “dipping” him dramatically in front of the guests, and Cedric’s resemblance to Kyle is creepy. Even Kyle admits they look like twins.
There’s something in the air, and this time it’s positive. No vindictive behavior, no name calling, no bitter walk-outs. Perhaps it’s the “grapefruit-driven” cocktails, or maybe the water is spiked with Ecstasy. We couldn’t believe how well everyone was getting along, and then without warning, Camille and Kyle make up.
It’s like Group Therapy for Dummies. The former enemies decide to “start from scratch.” Taylor applauds and immediately mingles, telling the other guests that the pair has reconciled. But there’s something entirely fake about Kyle and Camille’s spontaneous Charleston in the final scenes. We’re wondering how long this interruption of our regularly scheduled cat fight will last.
Tune in next week for Beverly Hills Fight Club. We’ll bring the popcorn.
