It's Never Too Early To Celebrate

A holiday for the underdog: Explore the secret history of Cinco de Mayo

Americans love holidays, and we have to admire our own ability for turning a day of sacred or patriotic observance into a good excuse to shop or party or both. Cinco de Mayo is perhaps the latest holiday we’ve co-opted, and then promptly forgotten the real significance and spirit of this important anniversary in Mexican history. Before we prepare for this year’s celebrations, let’s put down the tequila and take a moment to meditate on Cinco de Mayo’s profound, and life-affirming simple message to the world: Screw you, France.

Even as we’ve become the global big guy, we love stories of the little guy holding back the coming hordes, while shouting: "Here We Stand Our Ground," in whatever language or on whatever ground that may be.

Confused? Well, for all of you who slept through the entire 19th century section of 10th grade world history class, we’ve foreseen your questions and bring you a Q&A to help you discover the true meaning of Cinco de Mayo.

So Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico’s Independence Day nor the anniversary of the invention of the margarita?

Correct, the holiday commemorates the Mexican forces triumph over the larger French army in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.

Wait, why was the French army in Mexico?

The acknowledged reason was that Britain, Spain and France had lent Mexico money which the new president, Benito Juarez, refused to immediately continue paying interest on. He changed his mind once their combined ships arrived in Veracruz. While the British and Spanish took their money and huffed on out of there, the French army arrived to party in 1862.

The psychological reason might be Emperor Napoleon III’s "My-short-uncle-Napoleon-managed-to-conquer-more-of-Europe-than-me" Complex.

Early in the War of French Intervention in Mexico — probably the most boring name for a war ever — Mexican forces, under General Ignacio Zaragoza managed to hold their own and even beat back the superior-in-number French army near Puebla. (Zaragoza was born in what is today the city of Goliad, Texas, so we’ll insist he’s sort of Texan.)

Well, that sounds like a good reason to celebrate. Can I order my margarita now?

No, we haven’t gotten to the best parts. Mexico won this battle but soon lost the war as more and more French troops arrived. Emperor Napoleon III decided it was a good time for Mexico to convert to French and conspired to put one of his some-number-once removed cousins by marriage, Archduke Ferdinand Maximilian Joseph of Austria, in power.

How did Napoleon III convince the younger brother of the Austrian Emperor to declare himself Emperor of Mexico?

We’re not historians, but we imagine the conversation went something like this:

Napoleon 3: Hey Ferdie, Look over there, across the Atlantic. I think that Mexico country is totally checking you out.

Ferdie Max: Mexico? I barely know Mexico.

Napoleon 3: No, really. The word is Mexico can’t stop talking about that time you reformed the Austrian Navy and how much hotter you are than your older brother.

Ferdie Max: I don’t know. Mexico seems a little young for me.

Napoleon 3: And that’s why Mexico could use the “hand” of an experienced leader like you, bro. If Mexico were into me, I’d totally hit that. And when I say “hit that” I mean, march on Mexico City with French troops and the Mexican monarchists behind you and declare yourself Emperor. God man, it’s 1863 already. Do you really want to be the one loser out of all European royalty who hasn’t declared himself emperor of something yet?

Ferdinand Maximilian Joseph sits down the Archduke of Austria but gets up Emperor Maximilian I of Mexico.

And scene.

Could you possibly add more soap opera or conspiracy theory elements to this saga?

Certainly. Though legitimate historians deny it, gossips on the Internt and apparently in European courts at the time, whispered that Maximilian might not have been the son of Archduke Franz Karl of Austria, but the love child of an affair between his mother, Princess Sophie of Bavaria, and Napoleon II (the son of the only Napoleon you actually remember from history class), and this is why Napoleon III picked Maximilian.

Also Maximilian’s wife Marie Charlotte Amélie Augustine Victoire Clémentine Léopoldine, princess of Belgium, who wins the longest name award of our cast of characters, went insane after Maximilian lost his Mexican throne and was executed. She spent the end of her life as one of the richest woman in Europe wandering around a Belgian castle.

Will Selma Hayek and Shonda Rhimes be partnering to adapt Cinco de Mayo, The Secret Story for television?

One can only hope.

So how does the U.S. fit into all of this?

You really did sleep through all of 10th grade, didn’t you? The Monroe Doctrine. If the question involves the U.S and any of the Americas just write “Monroe Doctrine” and the teacher gives partial credit.

For full credit, know that while Maximilian ruled in Mexico City, Juárez’s armies were gaining victories throughout the country, and France was getting tired of footing the growing bill. Right about the time the U.S Civil War was ending. Throughout all the unpleasantness Secretary of State Seward was known to mutter “Hey, not cool, France. Haven’t you heard of our Monroe Doctrine?” and we began showing more overt support for Juárez.

O.K, but why does all this mean I’m going to need to call in “sick” on May 6?

Cinco de Mayo has recently become much more of a U.S. celebration than a Mexican one. In the 1960s, the day began its ascension as a regional holiday in the U.S Southwest as a way to promote Mexican-American heritage and pride. It only became more commercialized in the '80s.

And while a holiday seemingly built around margaritas certainly has its allure, I think Cinco de Mayo took hold in our imaginations because it’s a great underdog story, something Americans, perhaps both continents of us, have never been able to resist. Even as we’ve become the global big guy, we love stories of the little guy holding back the coming hordes, while shouting: "Here We Stand Our Ground," in whatever language or on whatever ground that may be.

Throughout the month of April leading up to the big day in May, CultureMap will get you set for making Cinco de Mayo 2014 truly memorable. We’ll survey the best margaritas in town, review the best movies to get you in the 5/5 mood, and let you in on the best parties. Through it all, we hope you’ll hold in your hearts the true spirit of the Battle of Puebla as you say “Screw you, France” while slamming down that shot of tequila.

Let’s put down the tequila and take a moment to meditate on Cinco de Mayo’s profound and life-affirming simple message to the world: Screw you, France.

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Let’s put down the tequila and take a moment to meditate on Cinco de Mayo’s profound and life-affirming simple message to the world: Screw you, France.

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Food for Thought

Liquid gold: Best places for chile con queso — the national snack food of Texas

Photo by Jen Foursquare

There’s a darn fine version at Beaver’s, the icehouse cum barbeque joint from chef Monica Pope, made with smoked asadero cheese, green chiles and pico de gallo.

In honor of Cinco de Mayo — a Mexican holiday co-opted by white, yuppie Americans as a day to drink massive amounts of tequila — let’s all raise a corn chip to chile con queso, the national snack food of Texas.

This gooey cheese dip has been around for decades, mostly as a Tex-Mex staple, but its deliciousness can now be found far and wide.

And why not? It’s cheese dip, usually with peppers and tomatoes, sometimes more. The classic American home recipe consists of a brick of Velveeta and a can of Ro✩Tel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chiles, nuked in a microwave. Simple, easy, fast. And good. Perfect game day food and a must have for Cinco de Mayo.

But some local eateries kick it up a notch. I like the one at El Real Tex-Mex. They serve up some good stuff, blending three different types of cheese, chiles and tomatoes and you can add fajita beef or picadillo — spicy ground taco meat — on top. Meat is a good way to go, particularly if you want to make a meal of chips and dip and margaritas.

Of course Molina’s Cantina, started back in 1941, claims to be the original meat and queso place. Their delicious José’s Dip was allegedly created by a long ago waiter named — what else? — José, when a diner asked him to add some meat to the cheese dip. As the story goes, he went back to the kitchen and saw the spicy ground beef for tacos and dumped some in. Makes for a good story anyway.

Maria Selma Restaurant makes a fine dip as well, it’s a little thinner than some and is mostly just melted yellow cheese, but ask for some chopped fresh jalapeños and dump those babies in there, seeds and all, and you have a perfect fiery dip. They also use the dip on their nachos that I really like. Better than the thicker, melted cheeses on most nachos.

And here’s another good one: Pistolero’s. This cool looking spot with the Mexican art and artifacts has a queso that’s a touch on the thin side but that’s because it’s made with beer. That’s right, Jack cheese, pico de gallo and cervazo, baby.

And there’s even queso — no chiles — at Mia’s, a Carrabba family eatery probably better known for its chicken fingers, burgers and smoked meats. But it’s well worth ordering as a side with a basket of hot chips.

In fact, you can find queso and chile con queso pretty much everywhere. There’s a darn fine version at Beaver’s, the icehouse cum barbeque joint from chef Monica Pope, made with smoked asadero cheese, green chiles and pico de gallo.

I’d like to say something about the chile con queso at the new inner loop Pico’s Mex-Mex. I ate it but I hardly remember it. I know it had picadillo on top and it was more yellow and not as spicy as some dips. But I also had a margarita with it. When you order a margarita here the wait staff asks if you want a small, medium or large.

Um, medium?

The medium is a 24-ounce glass that you have to lift with both hands. I actually walked over to the bar and asked to see the large glass. It was a 48-ounce fish bowl! Radio personality Lanny Griffith explained to me that this drink is for three people. Okay, grab some friends and extra straws and go for this Cinco de Mayo.

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Did Marene miss you favorite place for queso? Let us know in comments section below.

Molina's delicious José’s Dip was allegedly created by a long-ago waiter named — what else? — José, when a diner asked him to add some meat to the cheese dip.

Molina's Cantina queso Jose's Dip with chips

Molina's delicious José’s Dip was allegedly created by a long-ago waiter named — what else? — José, when a diner asked him to add some meat to the cheese dip.

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