Don't you feel bad now?
Even baby-faced Justin Bieber has his problems. In the February issue of Vanity Fair, the 16-year-old singer dishes about his worries and confesses that he suffers from insomnia, an ailment he attributes to a hectic lifestyle with little downtime.
"I just turn over all night and think. My mind races," he says. "I think about all the things I didn't have time to think about during the day — like family and God and things that should be more important but you don't have time to think about, because you just get caught up [in everything else] during the day."
One surprising concern for Bieber? Haters. He fears that his male onlookers eagerly anticipate his failure, just waiting for him to make a mistake. If he does, he worries, "they're gonna jump on it."
He isn’t all woes, though. A hopeful Bieber tells the magazine that he’s confident he’ll enter adulthood with that trademark Bieber smile. He claims he’s learned from watching other young stars mire their careers in social scandal (Lindsay Lohan and Disney star Demi Lovato come to mind).
"I know I'm not going to make a life-changing bad decision, as some people have," he says. "I've seen it happen too many times. I could be my own worst enemy, but I don't want to mess this up."
But back to his haters — Bieber believes he'll win over some of them in a few years, perhaps in the same way as Justin “Bringing Sexy Back” Timberlake. (Do you remember when Justin was a mere boy band star singing bubblegum harmonies? Or had you blocked that out too?)
Bieber doesn’t mention it, but it seems their hate stems from jealousy. While sugar-sweet pop songs from Miley Cyrus might evoke eye rolls from teenage boys, Bieber inspires all-out rage.
One thing worry not keeping Bieber up late at night: his luck with the ladies. He doesn’t think it’s all due to stardom, either.
"Not trying to be arrogant, but if I walked down the street and a girl saw me, she might take a look back because maybe I'm good-looking, right?"
Still, it sounds like Bieber has a lot on his mind. Sleep is important to a teenager’s health, and CultureMap wants the star to conquer his insomnia woes.
We present the following remedies for insomnia:
- Smoke salvia. A giggling Miley Cyrus seemed far from stressed when she smoked the legal drug out of a bong last month.
- Take a spa day! OK, it’s a bit on the girly side, but so are most things about Justin Bieber.
- Drink until you black out. Holiday partiers know the merit of this forget-it-all technique. Just remember to sleep on your side.
- Get punched in the head. Bieber could accomplish this easily with a few choice words when encountering his testosterone-charged haters in person. Bonus: A violent attack would evoke pity and make Beliebers out of the public.
- Try Quaaludes. They may sound really 1950s but, trust me, these get the job done way better than any sissy Ambien or Lunesta
- Feed the ducks at Hermann Park. Sometimes all you need to calm your mind is an evening tossing bread to our fine-feathered friends. Judging from recent photographs, Canadian musician and actor Ryan Gosling is a fan of the activity.
Some even believe it’s what got Gosling through those painful teen years. Bieber would be well advised to follow in his footsteps. (Watch out for the geese, though — they bite.)