Like a prophet of old reading the entrails of a goat, this week Caroline intoned fateful words on The Real Housewives of New Jersey: “I think Kim G is going to have her ‘Uh oh!’ moment.”

But it was more like Kim G’s “F-U!” moment as she cast the demon out of her life. Yes, readers, we mean Danielle Staub. Don’t believe us? Tom Murro at CelebrityMagnet.com sent this Housewives-commentating duo the visual proof a couple weeks back.

Many choice words were uttered in the course of the episode. No matter whose side you take, “you’re a sadistic twisted bitch” pretty much sums it all up. But let’s start not with too much potty mouth. Let’s start instead with the Giudice family’s star-spangled christening extravaganza.

Tinkling music that feels lifted from a Tim Burton film plays as Teresa prepares for newborn Audriana’s party at The Brownstone. But the score is ironic as the camera pans shirtless husband Joe munching from a plate of 100 or so sandwiches. Stone-faced as usual, Joe yells at Teresa for applying lotion to his sandpaper face. Teresa tries to interest him in the Gucci baby shoes that Dina presents as a christening gift, but he’s indifferent as usual.

Cameras weren’t allowed into the church for the ritual. Bravo’s cameras, that is. Thank goodness for Teresa’s Fritz Lang-like home video with the priest’s face blurred out.

On the way from church to party, they pass $5 Shoe Factory. Joe tells Teresa she should shop there instead.

All right, we get it. There’s bitter in his cup as worries about what this is costing. With a bejeweled pacifier, an enormous ice sculpture cross and “God Bless Audriana” spelled out in rustic ciabatta, the party leaves “over-the-top” splattered on the grill of their luxury SUV.

The event seems confused with a wedding as Joe and Teresa carry tiny Audriana out for their first dance with baby. First dance with baby? Even Caroline’s never heard of that. It seems that Teresa is solely responsible for establishing this tradition in Franklin Lakes.

A smoky jazz riff plays as the couple tries to maneuver Audriana’s four-foot gown and silk bathing cap while they pose for yet more photos. If there’s one consolation, it’s seeing godmother Dina back on the show. Her hasty departure earlier this season was sort of like Cher announcing yet another “final” tour.

There was much ado about mothers and daughters this week. At the OB-GYN’s it’s HPV vaccine for young Christine. Thanks to Rick Perry this has been a hot topic in Texas, and it’s good to see Bravo bringing attention to an important issue.

Alas, Danielle imagines bigger threats to young Christine than a virus, so she has a different PSA in mind. Clearly she’s read pamphlets and posters on sex awareness — badly.

“Abstinence,” she intones, “is the safest form of sex.”

We wonder what she knows of abstinence and how it could be a form of sex.

Christine’s mortified about sex talk with mommy, and we feel her embarrassment. Attentive readers, did we hear Danielle right? Did she say, without irony, “and oral sex, can I please touch on that now?” You don’t have to be in a sex-tape scandal to be embarrassed about saying that.

Still, Danielle’s trying hard to be a good mother. We may be a little harsh about Danielle’s mommie-dearest complex, but we believe she means well, and Christine and Jillian are fantastic. Much of Danielle's obsession stems from the troubled home into which she was adopted as an infant, details of which she trusts to gal pal Kim G.

Like America and mother England, Danielle and Kim G have a “special relationship.” And it is upon Kim G’s ample bosom that Danielle casts herself one afternoon. After years of curiosity, Danielle finds herself getting “signs” that it’s time to find her biological mother, who gave birth at the tender age of 15.

“I’m really in the year of new beginnings,” Danielle sniffles. Or, she’s been watching the Housewives of New York (Ramona’s “renewal”) and Atlanta (Nene’s search for her father). We think she should try, WE’s The Locator. Surely Troy Dunn would take her in a New Jersey second. We would.

Beware, Danielle. Double agent Kim G will make her final, fateful choice.

Intimations of the fall come early in a Staub family diner scene. Christine spills the beans that there’s talk around town about Danielle’s quest for her biological mother, and a Jaws-like theme plays. Kim G has let the cat out of the bag. “Nobody could have overheard!” Danielle snaps at Jillian when she suggests a more innocent scenario. “Some family meal,” Christine quips as Danielle storms outside to call bodyguard Danny.

The final showdown comes at a high noon lunch with Kim G. Danielle puts her cards on the table right away: The distrust, the betrayal, the hurt.

“At least I now know who I’m dealing with,” she snipes. Suddenly Kim G can’t help but recall all the difficult times with Danielle, and Bravo has just the right montage of bad memories, each punctuated with a little “whoosh!”

And after suffering Danielle’s drama all this time, Kim G knows how to get Bravo’s attention. She throws a napkin in Danielle’s face, screaming for the whole restaurant to hear, “You’re a g@ddam f@ck!ng liar and a sneak and you know it!”

Kim G may be stumping for an Oscar — or a role as the new fifth housewife of New Jersey — but we loved her performance anyway.

As she chases Danielle out of the restaurant and nearly knocks her own noggin against a gas lamp above, Kim G utters the most precious line of the season: “Get out of here with your fake and square tits.”