A major tenet of journalism is to not bury the lede, meaning, don’t bury the most important info and just get straight to it. So, at risk of doing just that, here’s the top-line info:

Charming singer/actor/pitchman Michael Bublé will host a fan meet-and-greet and tasting event for his Fraser & Thompson Whiskey from 4 pm to 5 pm Thursday, December 7 at Spec’s - Fountain View (2020 Fountain View Dr.).

That means fans should plan for a long line, arrive early, and be ready to sip the Canadian showman’s celebrity spirit at what’s dubbed the Fraser & Thompson “Easy, Now” pop-up lounge within the store. Always one to spread the love to his fans, Bublé is expected to pass out sips only — officially, he’s not slated to sign bottles or pose for photos.

But, knowing his love for fans, there’s no telling if he’ll grab a phone for a selfie — or suddenly start “correcting” certain sparkling water bottles with a Sharpie (as displayed in this ad):

Smooth, subtle, and Bublé-backed — all for a mere 30 bucks!

We mention his love of fans specifically because Bublé’s whiskey retails for a mere $29.99. Hardcore whiskey purists might raise a judge-y eyebrow at the price, which to some, could suggest a rough bottom note. However, the blend, according to press materials, is crafted with “hand-selected aged liquid” to create an “inviting whiskey,” with “sweet fig and blood orange on the nose, and a subtle finish of caramel, vanilla, and a hint of spice.”

Wait…“hand-selected aged liquid?” Ummm...

Ah, further review finds it’s made with“ Canadian Whiskies with Kentucky Bourbon in Bardstown, Kentucky.” And all that crafting comes courtesy of Master Distiller and blender Paul Cirka, who co-founded the brand with Bublé. Whew.

Additionally, Fraser & Thompson also promises “less burn, more Bublé.” Hey, a distilled spirit from a silky-smooth songman has just gotta be smooth, yes?

The greatest press release in the history of Canadian celebrity-backed whiskies for $29.99

Okay, that’s the top-line info; now, let’s talk about this Fraser & Thompson press release. The official press announcement of the brand is very on-brand for the self-effacing superstar. Consider this passage from the release:

This whiskey is a triumph, an achievement, the product of years of hard work and collaborative efforts involving dozens of beverage alcohol professionals, yet we haven’t received much more than a winking emoji from Mr. Bublé when asked how we should advertise it. It strikes us as supremely ironic that a guy with such an extensive catalog of music has mastered radio silence.

We toyed with the idea of constructing an attractive, well-dressed scarecrow stuffed with hay next to a tape recorder playing “Haven’t Met You Yet,” but the coincidental sentiment felt too on-the-nose for our marketing team, whose calls keep getting bounced between assistants.

An attractive scarecrow? CultureMap receives thousands of press releases a week. In this editor’s 20-plus years of experience, this might be the best release...ever.

And it gets better. Bublé, who has his hands full being a superstar, father, husband, bottle editor, and frequent napper, was apparently hard to pin down for marketing. “At some point, from somewhere, he released this very nice statement that we’d like to share with you now,” the release continues:

“I spent many summers with my grandfather at the confluence of the Fraser and Thompson rivers in British Columbia," said Fraser & Thompson founder Michael Bublé. “When I heard Paul’s vision for creating a new kind of whiskey, I knew instantly what I wanted to call it. For the last three years, we worked together to perfect a whiskey blend that is equally elegant and approachable. We can't wait to pour you a glass!”

Meet a “sentient tuxedo of a man”

Well, hey, that sounds earnest enough. But the press team isn’t buying it. The press release responds:

“Isn’t that great? As if Michael is just the salt of the earth, sitting on a porch somewhere talking to the neighbors, and pouring you a glass of his smooth, delicious whiskey? This overbooked, overextended, sentient tuxedo of a man is thousands of miles away telling us, “Easy, now,” like he’s gone fishin’ instead of playing sold out shows in a new city every night.

(Please excuse us as we steal “sentient tuxedo of a man” for our Instagram bio/description.)

Later, as the release describes the Fraser & Thompson brand launch — all while trying to contact its star founder for comment:

Well, there you have it. I guess we just launched Fraser & Thompson. Tell the concierge at Michael’s hotel to pass along a thumbs up from us so we don’t interrupt his beauty sleep. We wouldn’t want to harsh Mr. Bublé’s mellow.

Sheesh, seems like Michael and the PR team might need to hash things out over a glass of a certain Canadian celebrity-backed blended whiskey, one retailing for a mere $29.99.

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Michael Bublé will host the “Easy, Now” Fraser & Thompson pop-up lounge/tasting experience from 4 pm to 5 pm Thursday, December 7 at Spec’s - Fountain View (2020 Fountain View Dr.). Event is free; participants must be 21 years or older.

Photo courtesy of Fraser & Thompson

Superstar and “sentient tuxedo of a man” Bublé will pass out whiskey here in Houston.