No, you haven't won a date with a dashing Houston Dynamo player yet, and no, the Cruz'in for a Cure bachelor auction put together by Dynamo Danny Cruz to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society isn't until April 30.
This place is all about the who and the what and the who-with and also about the chocolate chip cookies stacked up by the register. And with solid soccer eye-candy on your arm, you don't want to waste your date with candlelight and cozy corners and all that claptrap.
This isn't about you, this is about people seeing you, so pick a table on the patio by the entrance, order the delicious but overpriced lamb burger and let the professional athlete pay.
Some girls would rather be a tiger than a kitten. If your favorite Twitter tag is #cantstopwontstop and you watched Isla Fisher in The Wedding Crashers and thought, "Hey, she's just like me!" then Marfreless is where you'll wanna be on your first date.
Boundaries aren't exactly your forte, so you'll fit right in at this PDA-friendly bar. Just don't tell your Dynamo where you're going.
You don't become a professional athlete without a healthy competitive streak. But rather then spend your date flexing your muscles at a non-sport like bowling or miniature golf, channel that energy while also accruing beer goggles at Little Woodrow's in Midtown.
On Thursday nights, no competition is more fierce than the turtle races taking place on Woodrow's patio.
Though almost all the Dynamo are American, most of them are well-traveled, so pick one who looks game and head to Bar Malatesta, the upscale hideaway inside Hotel Granduca. Create some exotic identities (Duke of Savoy? Lost Schlumberger heir?) and start inviting strangers and the bartenders back to your palazzo on Lake Como.
I can sit here and pretend like I'm too cool for a revolving restaurant, too practical for roses, too politically correct for diamonds. I'm not. For better or worse, for a date to remember there's just nothing like a skyline view.