Hollywood trumors

Stranded Carnival Cruise already inspires a movie: What's on deck for Cruise Control

Stranded Carnival Cruise already inspires a movie: What's on deck for Cruise Control

News_Cruise Control_Pamela Lee Anderson
Pamela Lee Anderson co-captains this love boat.
News_Demi Lovato_stoned
Demi Lovato does drugs on film — again.
News_Mexican Riviera_Cabo
The Mexican Riviera remains out of reach.
News_Carnival_Splendor
Carnival Splendor captured on the silver screen!
News_Tommy Lee
... with a little coaxing by Tommy Lee
News_Cruise Control_Pamela Lee Anderson
News_Demi Lovato_stoned
News_Mexican Riviera_Cabo
News_Carnival_Splendor
News_Tommy Lee

We're hearing hints from Hollywood that a film is in the works to document the drama of this week's Carnival cruise debacle, in which 4,500 passengers suffered from an engine fire knocking out the power less than a day into a seven-day excursion to the Mexican Riviera.

So what's the thick plot that will keep this thriller chugging along? We've got some ideas for this cruise ship show:

  • Clearly Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee will serve as co-captains, seeing as their level of classiness is so befitting for Carnival cruises (as two-plus CultureMap employees can attest).
  • Demi Lovato, fresh out of rehab, will be cast as the ship's official live entertainment, who may or may not play a pivotal role in saving a suicidal gay Zac Efron. However, her role will be cut short when she jumps ship to jet ski to Tijuana to rendezvous with her manager/boyfriend/dealer.
  • Somebody will have a baby. Not only are babies very much of the moment, but in any good action movie, there is a dramatic scene in which a person has a baby. (Anyone who's seen Lost or Spice World knows this.) We're still deciding who will answer to the life-changing question: "Is there a doctor on board?" James Van Der Beek, Ricky Martin and John Turturro are all in the running.
  • Katherine Heigel will be in the cast. Her role is yet to be determined, but considering this is a decidedly B-movie, she'll be finding her way onto the set. It is still unconfirmed, but Willow Smith may portray her adopted daughter with telepathic powers that will inspire a spinoff movie that will double as a sequel to Signs.
  • Suri Cruise will snag a quick cameo as a passenger in distress, in which she will make the decision of whether to rescue a suitcase that has tipped overboard, taking over 300 items of designer children's clothing with it. Will her father, played by a brunette Lance Bass, save her once she takes the plunge — or head to the ship spa for a mani/pedi?