What's a punch between Frenemies?

Disney Demi's downer: Are eating disorders & drug videos making the sex tapes of yesterday look quaint?

Disney Demi's downer: Are eating disorders & drug videos making the sex tapes of yesterday look quaint?

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Demi Lovato
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The tabloids called Demi "bottom-heavy." Courtesy of Splash News
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Demi allegedly punched backup dancer Alex Welch early Halloween weekend.
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Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas were an item before he found Ashley Greene.
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The Disney star likes to party.
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Is she stoned? Pretty sure she's stoned.
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Is video footage of celebrity drug use the new sex tape? Disney starlet Demi Lovato reportedly got caught in front of the camera with her nose in some powder.

A so-called "friend" claims to have witnessed the 18-year-old do lines of coke at a party in North Richland Hills, Texas. She further claims, “Demi was belligerent and being slutty and doing coke all over the house. The guy who hosted the party shot multiple videos of this and what I’ve seen with my eyes, Demi is screaming, ‘F– – all of you, I’m famous, I don’t care what any of you think of me the whole world loves me.’ He shot her in the bathroom as she was finishing a line (of cocaine).”

You would think that no one would be stupid enough to shout, “I’m famous!” while snorting coke “all over the house.” But you’d also think that hipsters would use the stall when cutting lines in the Boondocks’ bathroom. You would think a lot of things. But blow + booze = loud, unwarranted confidence.

This isn’t the first time Demi’s behavior has made headlines. Halloween weekend the Disney star reached her breaking point and allegedly punched backup dancer Alex Welch, who Demi believed snitched on her for partying.

(I don’t understand why people are making this such a big deal. I punch people all the time, no cocaine needed.)

Some attribute Demi’s antics to her proximity to ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas. The two had an intense romance before he ditched her for Twilight hottie Ashley Greene. It took me two years to even look at my ex without crying, and she was on tour with hers? That’s a recipe for a nervous breakdown.

Earlier this week Demi experienced such a breakdown and checked into rehab, citing cutting and anorexia (cough, cough, coke?) Drug use or eating disorder, she certainly has slimmed down. She was far from fat, but when compared with twiggy Disney stars Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus, Demi looked thicker. The tabloids even posted “bottom-heavy” swimsuit photos of the teenager and suggested she watch her diet.

I understand she felt pressured to be Hollywood-thin, but why even consider resorting to cocaine? This isn’t 1982. Why couldn’t she be a normal celebrity and sprinkle her latte with pulverized Ritalin?

Demi has since abandoned the Jonas Brothers' tour and shut down her Twitter account in preparation for rehab. With no one claiming to film her vacuuming-up drugs and no dancers to punch, what will she do to pass the time?

I've compiled an acitvity list for Demi and anyone else en route to rehab:

Rehab Activities:

1. Do lots of drugs (duh).
2. Develop alcoholism to cope with your drug addiction.
3. Become pen-pals with Lindsay Lohan.
4. Insist to Lindsay that your rehab facility has better food/ dorms/ cocaine.
5. Hook up with everyone.
6. Start an anonymous gossip blog about the other patients.
7. Fall in love with your therapist.
8. Reinact Sandra Bullock’s scenes from 28 Days.
9. Leave your therapist for a cute heroin addict.
10. Don’t actually go to rehab. Just use it as a cover while you get micro-lipo.