Global sporting events are not only for sports fans — they're a boon to those looking forward to a rowdy bar scene at 7:00 a.m. Whether you work the night shift or are just waiting for a phone call from Dr. Drew, there's still plenty of good reasons to crack a cold one before the sun goes down even though the World Cup is finished.
1. Soap opera plot twists.
Whether it's a doll coming to life (on Passions), Erica Kane discovering that another character is the child she thought she had aborted, multiple personalities and devil possession on Days of Our Lives or James Franco doing, um, whatever he's doing on General Hospital, we can only assume these daytime dramas make a lot more sense with a healthy haze of pinot grigio.
2. Bastille Day
Rather than just having one "Vive la France!" party to celebrate the fruitless storming of a near-empty fort, live like the French do all month. Yes, that means at least two glasses of Bordeaux at lunch, and champagne at the slightest victory — like finding a good parking spot.
3. Glenn Beck
Conspiracy theories, hidden meanings, and chalkboard squiggles: The Glenn Beck Program is like watching a cross between National Treasure and a train wreck. But like any good train wreck, it's hard to look away. Now that the World Cup is done, Mr. Beck's antics are the closest thing we have to a fascinating spectator sport — sorry, baseball.
4. Lois the Corpse Flower
There's a rare five-foot-plus flower that smells like rotting flesh blooming at the Houston Museum of Natural Science — and she's generating all-night viewings, Internet buzz and a divalicious Twitter account. This entire situation calls for an early round — or four.
5. Children's television
Every parent has fantasized about smothering at least one character from The Wiggles and calling immigration on Dora the Explorer. Before deciding that your offspring will be raised Amish, see if a Corona doesn't take the edge off. Or if you aren't monitoring children, try the Blue's Clues drinking game: One drink every time they say "Blue" or "Clues." Note: Not recommended for amateurs or those who value their liver.