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Lessons from a celebrity goat milking rookie: This is no easy handjob

Lessons from a celebrity goat milking rookie: This is no easy handjob

Goat face
You don't want to get in a goat's face. Photo by Joel Luks
Dana Tyson
This woman knows how to milk a goat. Take a bow, Dana Tyson.
News_Maria Todd and Brad Booker
Maria Todd (with morning co-host Brad Booker) ... well, not so much. Courtesy of Mix 96.5
Goat face
Dana Tyson
News_Maria Todd and Brad Booker

There are occasionally moments in life when something happens that makes you think, "I've arrived."

I had one such moment Tuesday afternoon at the opening day of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, where I was a celebrity goat milker in a contest among media types. Me? A bonafide MILKER OF GOATS? I was beyond flattered.

And if taking on this challenge isn't a display of true grit, what is, really?

I've never milked a goat. In fact, the closest I've been to udders was the time I ran into Elsie the Borden cow at a truck stop on a family road trip. As it turns out, I've no knack for it. My total ineptitude at goat milking actually has me seriously second-guessing my ability to deliver a good hj, which I'd always assumed was top notch. (Tell us in comments. Kidding!)

Needless to say, I didn't go home a goat-milking champion. That was Dana Tyson of Sunny 99.1, who'd clearly done this sort of thing before. But I wasn't the worst, either (that was Mix 96.5's Maria Todd, who took home a loser's trophy complete with faux goat pellets made of Milk Duds), so I'll call it a win.

 

Watch a sneak peek of my showdown: