Joy to the world, the boobs have come. Sports Illustrated crowned its bronze-bodied queen this week.
With her translucently emerald eyes, wild honeycomb locks and a rouge rosebud of a mouth, not even the straightest of women can deny this Russian beauty's come-hither allure.
But we women who don't particularly fancy women can agree that breasts mashed together like greased and brazed Honeybaked hams in rubberband slingshots stretched to the breaking point aren't the least bit appetizing.
Level with me, dudes. Do you men really find that appealing? Are the first things you want to notice on a woman as enthrallingly breathtaking as Irina Shayk her mammaries?
You know, if we women all walked around with the underside of our biceps thrust beneath our chesticles, you men would think we were deformed or invalids. You know you would.
So what exactly makes it sexy on the cover of a magazine?