Burger buffoons

Calm down! Dallas gets an In-N-Out and embarrasses the whole state in the process

Calm down! Dallas gets an In-N-Out and embarrasses the whole state in the process

News_in and out burger_May 10
It's delicious! It's amazing! AND IT'S A BURGER. Photo by Simon Willison
How long does a line have to be to prevent you from waiting in it? Dallas vehicles just kept piling on at In-N-Out's grand opening this week. Courtesy of YouTube
News_in and out burger_May 10

Look, Dallas. Your older sister to the south is going to need you to get a grip on yourself.

You got your very first In-N-Out this week, the most magnificent burger joint known to man. We know you're excited. We'd be excited if we were you, too.

We're actually quite salty that we're not you. Only because of the In-N-Out thing, though — let's not go too far.

But keep it together, will you? You're embarrassing the entire state in front of the national media.

Case in point: What kind of behavior is this?

Waiting in line since 9 p.m. the night before? Shedding actual tears?

It's a burger, lady. Have you not eaten for days? Is this your first encounter with a slab of meat between two slices of bread?

No to both? Then calm down.

Correct us if we're wrong, Dallas, but isn't gas hovering around $4 per gallon up in your parts?

We thought so. But you wouldn't know it by the size of this egregious line. And the fact that every car in the queue still has a foot on the brake — which, we assume, means the cars are still burning precious, pricey fuel.

In our opinion, Dallas, your antics should serve as a revocation of your In-N-Out privileges.

But since that's regrettably not our call, let us give you a bit of familial advice from deep in the heart of Texas.

Stop reinforcing every possible southern stereotype with your boorish behavior over a brilliant fast food chain — but fast food, all the same. Or we'll give you up to Oklahoma the next time it comes asking.

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