The Internet issued a collective "OMFG" this week when it discovered a surprising specialty inside certain 7-Eleven stores — an instant mashed potato and gravy vending machine. According to Tecca, the machines are particularly popular in Singapore and haven't really made a foothold in America, which, frankly, I find to be a travesty.
I mean, if America is giving up our top spot as the country that invents new and increasingly weird ways to eat carbs, then how can we claim to be the greatest country in the world? I'm pretty sure falling behind in mashed potato technology was the cause of the fall of Rome. That or the Visigoths.
If Singapore is going to monopolize the instant watery mashed potatoes and gravy machine market, than we will just have to come up with our own machines.
Here are five ideas, America. You're welcome.
5. Queso.
Technically, cheeses already come in a variety of dispensers, whether it's a pump at a baseball stadium or a spray can. But let's take a classic crock pot of Ro-Tel dip and Velveeta, turn it upside down and add a spigot.
4. Eggs
Push a button to choose between scrambled, over easy, fried or poached. I'm picturing that no matter what you choose, the egg comes out in a square shape.
Yum, square eggs. Frankly, I don't know why egg beaters hasn't already done this.
3. Lobster bisque
Just because you are buying an instant premade meal from a convenience store doesn't mean you can't be fancy. I'm not even going to explain this one. Just trust me, it'll work.
2. Banana pudding
Mmmm, bowl of banana pudding, straight out of the dispenser. They sell Nilla Wafers at 7-Eleven, right?
1. Kraft EasyMac
All jokes aside, there's no longer any reason that this shouldn't exist. It's a premade fake carb product that only requires the addition of water and heat, and it's the kind of thing that people who find themselves hungry at 7-Eleven at 4 a.m. might enjoy.
Call it "SuperEasyMac," add a Slurpee and you've got a quality meal.
