Don't be Upstaged

The most absurdly sexy Halloween costumes ever: Slutty craze gets ridiculous

It's Halloween costume crunch time again, which means that women everywhere are putting together their best, sexiest [insert profession/animal/object here] outfit.

This is a phenomenon that I find personally baffling. There's no way that a firefighter would ever go on assignment baring so much skin. The panda bear, which is actually facing extinction because of its lack of reproductive drive, is on the opposite end of the spectrum from "sexy."

But if you feel the need to give in to the craze — because really, who wants to show up dressed as a cozy raccoon only to be upstaged by a slutty one (true story) — then here are a few costumes that border just closely enough on absurd to show that you have a bangin' bod and a sense of humor.

For instance: Show your Sesame Street solidarity with these sexy Bert and sexy Ernie ensembles. The puppets may not subscribe to any sexual orientation, but those skimpy overalls and bare midriffs will make them wish otherwise.

There's nothing quite like ripping the husk off of a fresh ear of corn, a sensation that undoubtedly inspired this Sexy Corn Costume. Peplum husk included; golden bangles not. 

If you think that nothing says "sexy" like "crazy," then this polyester Sexy Straight Jacket is for you. Added bonus: This bodily restraint will make bathroom breaks an exciting challenge.

This Sexy Sea Turtle get-up will have the guys (or girls) approaching all night — not only because the plush material is super soft, but also because everyone will want to know what the hell you're supposed to be. The backpack "shell" does double-duty of carrying all of your necessities and offering the only clue to your identity.

You'll look good enough to eat in this Sexy Hamburger Costume. Especially once you actually do eat — then those sesame buns and iceberg ruffles and that black lace "patty" will surely become more and more pronounced.