Austin | Dallas | Houston
Trending Now

The new Rebecca Black is even worse — and racist: Please, please don't watch this Chinese food video

Alison Gold Chinese Food
Courtesy photo

Forewarning: After watching this music video, you may never be able to consume Chinese food or think about any type of Asian cuisine without feeling a strong hankering to karate kick yourself repeatedly in the tit. Until you bleed.

Because any pain will mask the horrors of a musical spew that's worse than Miley Cyrus' twerking all over your face.

Cue another vapid white girl, this one with a chopstick-loving lust for "authentic" Chinese food straight from the motherland. You know, chicken wings, broccoli, pizza and fries, ordered from a number menu above an obsolete cash register operated by an underage tween in a restaurant thronged by munchkins not old enough to own a credit card.

There's an attempt at adding a dash of ghetto street cred with a transient Panda-cum-African-American-rapper who lives in a park bench.

Alison Gold's "Chinese Food," courtesy of the Los Angeles terrorists . . . I mean producers . . . also responsible for  Rebecca Black's "Friday," have claimed the reputation of another Rich Miss itching for fame. Little is known about this young, mysterious artist other than she's hot for chow mein, wonton soup and egg rolls. And loves dressing up as a geisha in full kimono.

Because kimonos are so Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Mongolian — who cares? It's all Chinese!

Or Spanish. Or Russian, German, Arabic or French, or any of the other many languages inexplicably featured in the subtitles. 

As it seems to be a stipulation for these kind of racist, culturally challenged and talentless videos, there's an attempt at adding a dash of ghetto street cred with a transient Panda-cum-African-American-rapper who lives on a park bench.

Now that I've ruined your Chinese dining experience, lets just sit back as the parodies come out, one after the other.

Jimmy Kimmel should totally do one at Kanye's expense.

Get Our Emails

Daily Digest

The Dining Report

Promo Alerts

We will not share or sell your email address

Vote Now
Who is the sexiest college coach in the Lone Star State?

We've been sizing up the field. And we don't mean the competition. Here are six of the sexiest college football coaches in the state of Texas. Who's your favorite?

Houston, hottest college football coach in Texas, August 2015, Tom Herman