Running low on zingers about Boy Scouts, Baptists and Beelzebub? Then the new and completely unauthorized Joel Osteen joke book is for you.
The Houston televangelist and bestselling author — whose followers include the likes of Cher and Oprah Winfrey — is known for spicing up his weekly sermons at Lakewood Church with some good, clean wisecracks.
Finding a surprising lack of Osteen's comedic work on the book market, Christian writer Don Pasco decided to take matters into his own hands and self publish a collection of the Osteen's greatest hits.
For a mere $2.99, fans now can get some of Osteen's best material in a single Amazon e-book.
Highlights include the one about the burglar who was told by a parrot that "Jesus was watching" as he tries to steal a stereo.
Parrot: I'm just trying to warn you.
Burglar: Warn me about what? Who are you?
Parrot: My name is Moses.
Burglar: What kind of crazy people would name a parrot Moses?
Parrot: The same kind of people that would name a 150-pound Rottweiler, "Jesus."
The book squeezes in two dozen more gems that manage to lampoon everyone from kindergartners to senior citizens. Not even the late Pope John Paul II escapes Osteen's quick wit.
Pasco — a Baltimore native who "played drums and sang in a Top 40 band" during the 1970s, according to his Amazon bio — clearly states that the book is "for entertainment purposes only."
Unfortunately, Osteen's legal team sees little humor in the unauthorized enterprise. Lakewood Church is reviewing the book for possible copyright infringements.