Just read your tweet: "Hey Internet: I'm headed to your town on a half-assed comedy & music tour . . . I repeat: It's half-assed." Really brilliant idea to hit the road since your $45 million Tonight Show settlement with NBC bars you from appearing on TV until September 1.
We've just got one tiny complaint about the big trip: You forgot Houston. Seriously, you're hitting 30 cities in 20 states, but bypassing this metro entirely? You realize that we're not so far from Austin and Dallas, that we're the fourth-largest city in the entire country, that we might come in handy when you're toiling for Fox ...
Would it kill you to stop by H-town to share your "night of music, comedy, hugs and and the occasional awkward silence"?
It's understandable that you can only visit a select group of cities. With their huge populations, it's fair that Chicago and NYC receive two-night encore performances. And then there are those other entertainment megahubs on your tour list: Tulsa, Oklahoma; Eugene, Oregon; and Enoch, Alberta. Word on the street is that you're even making a special appearance in Atlantic City.
Be sure to wear your orange poof extra big for us, and tell Snookie we say "howdy."
OK, we get it: You're still a little tiffed about Houston's NBC affiliate putting you on after dawn back when you followed Jay Leno and didn't have a $45-million ego. But we really hope you're not letting your 1997 Houston hodown get you down:
Perhaps Houston haters will be haters. We'll miss your cute puns and squinty squirrel eyes. K.I.T., Coco.