I’m not a hater. However, there are some things in pop culture, many of them floating around these social networks that have infiltrated our homes and lives like a mold growing on moist bread, that just need to die … and soon.
These are just a handful that I could happily live without:
5.) Celebrity Twitter Accounts
With the exception of Conan O’Brien, celebrities spilling out their innermost thoughts and dreams in a stream of 140 characters to anyone willing to check their smartphone or computer every five minutes, is frankly annoying.
Now, in addition to the awkward paparazzi photos we all secretly enjoy viewing on TMZ and PerezHilton.com, we can know what you ate for dinner, where you went shopping, what your mom bought you for Christmas and when you went to the bathroom.
Sorry Ashton Kutcher, I’m just not that into you. Even more annoying — celebrity Twitter feuds.
Isn’t being rich and famous enough for you already? Get. A. Life.
4.) Cat Themed Internet Memes
I could expect a small chuckle every now and then when I first saw Lolcats, but now I loathe the broken, misspelled English on the mostly benign photos of cats. The silly-cat-photo-misspelled-words-phenomenon seems to have nine lives.
If I see the phrase “I can haz cheezburger,” one more time, I might throw said “cheezburger” at my computer screen.
Although I’m an equal opportunity animal lover (meaning all types of furry friends — including felines), if I see one more cutesy cat video on the front page of Yahoo!, I might vomit up a hairball. Enough already you freakish cat people … your plan to take over the interwebz is giving me a headache, or perhaps it’s just all that cat dandruff floating around the web.
3.) Comic Sans Bashing
It’s been well established by now that the font, Comic Sans, in and of itself, also needs to die a quick death. It’s cheesy, ugly and brings nothing but pain and embarrassment to the organizations and individuals willing to use it on websites or any printed materials.
However, even worse than Comic Sans usage, are the designers and hipsters set on blanketing the Internet with crude jokes and unabashed bashing of this dying, washed-up font.
We know it’s not OK to use it in anything other than a joke. We get that if you’re a cool, hip designer, it’s fun to crack Comic Sans jokes on all your social media applications while drinking coffee in your special wireless Internet-offering coffeehouses on your super-hip Mac computer in your super awesome Chuck Taylors. But now, it’s time to move on to the next font or design issue — perhaps drop shadows or gradients?
2. Dancing with the “Stars”
Did you notice that neat little trick I played with the quotation marks in the heading of this section? It’s funny because it’s true.
Just to refresh your memory, Bristol Palin was never a star. She was a vice presidential candidate’s daughter who had the misfortune (or just the bad judgment) of sleeping with a fame whore named Levi, who happened to be pretty virulent, without any form of protection. She definitely warrants the quotation marks.
Shouldn’t it be renamed Dancing with the Vaguely Familiar People Whose Publicists Slept with the Show’s Producers?
1.) America’s Collective Tebow-ner
So perhaps the statement “I’m not a hater,” is a little white lie. Tim Tebow and his rainbow of happiness coupled with his incredible football skills are my one exception, and a window into the darkest depths of my soul.
As an Alabama fan married to a lifetime Florida Gator, I have a vile rage so filthy and dark that the soot on the floor of your hearth couldn’t compete with my disdain for the Bronco’s new Pollyanna warrior. His impassioned speeches, his Scripture spewing, and his showing against our always disappointing Texans last weekend only add to my mistrust of the (seemingly) gentle giant. By the way, have you Googled his name and found the first picture that pops up under “images”?
Still think he’s a saint?
I’ll be damned if the announcer on television didn’t say “Tebow” over 100 times during that awful game against the Texans and by God, I wish America would stop taking the Viagra that continues to fuel their Tebowners game after game.