This week's Pethouse Pet of the Week has a whole lot to say about fast food news, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and the world's most famous Hoffmans.
Pethouse Pet of the Week:
Name: Chelsea, as in Clinton, Handler and Joni Mitchell’s “Morning.”
Birthdate: September 28, 2010.
Ethnicity: I’m a Belgian Malinois mix, for you dog aficionados who’ve heard of this breed. I’m spayed, housebroken, a real sweetheart and cuddler, a world class lazy bones. I weigh a lean 64 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal.
Come and get me: I'm available for adoption at 11 am Friday at Citizens for Animal Protection (17555 Katy Freeway; 281-497-0591). Tell them, "Ken sent me."
Chelsea’s Chatter on Fast Food and other Topics:
Applebee’s has introduced “Dollaritas,” buck margaritas on ice, which they’re selling from open to close all this month. Heck, I’ve got a dollar in coins in my car’s ashtray. Set 'em up, Joe. You can pair these Dollaritas with Applebee’s “2 entrees plus an appetizer for $20” deal.
Whataburger has a new Chorizo Burger, with chorizo between two all-beef patties, two slices of Monterey jack, grilled peppers, and creamy chili sauce on a toasted bun.
Jack in the Box is the first big burger chain to introduce a rib-eye burger, made with 100-percent ground rib-eye steak. Two varieties: the All American Ribeye has red onions, provolone, mayo, and spring mix on a potato bun. The Havarti and Grilled Onion Ribeye has tomato, grilled onions, Havarti cheese, and red wine glaze sauce on a potato bun.
Congratulations to caramel apple on being named kolache of the month at the Kolache Factory.
Minute Maid Park has unleashed deep-fried candy bars for the post-season. Take that, Boston and (pick one) Yankees or Indians.
McDonald's has a pretty clever promotion for fans of its long-gone, but never forgotten, Szechuan dipping sauce, originally introduced in 1998 as tie-in with the Disney movie Mulan. At precisely 2 pm Saturday, not moment earlier, 20 Houston-area McDonald's will be offering Szechuan sauce and limited-edition posters with orders of its new Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Tenders. Click here for details and locations.
Last week, Robby Winston, one of my authorized stunt eaters, called and said, “We’ve got to go to Spanky’s pizzeria. Laura (his lovely wife who's really out of his league) and I went the other night and the food is excellent." I know where Spanky’s is, it's right there when you turn off 610 onto 45 South to get to Hobby Airport. We ordered a large pie, wings, and fries. Yeah, the pizza was good like Robby promised, but I couldn’t tear myself from the wings. They were gigantic, the biggest I’ve ever seen, like some time-traveling mad scientist has been cross-breeding chickens with fossilized pterodactyl embryos. I’ll be back, but forget the pizza, I’m loading up on wings. Okay, maybe a couple slices of pie, too.
More upscale, Grimaldi’s coal-fired pizzerias (five locations in the Houston area) has several new items on the menu, including a wedge salad, buffalo chicken pizza, caramel apple cheesecake, chocolate cheesecake, and green apple sangria. Bigger, better news: all this month, Grimaldi’s is selling 16-inch pizzas for $10 on Mondays. If you love New York thin crust, Grimaldi’s in THE place.
- With Curb Your Enthusiasm back Sunday nights on HBO, I’ve got Sunday (Curb) and Mondays (Grimaldi’s) covered.
Most famous Hoffmans
Update: Back in 2011, I Googled my last name to see how high up I was on the Hoffman family tree. I wouldn't want to give my name, you know, a bad name. While Hoffman is the 195th most popular last name in the U.S., there weren’t many “who’s who” Hoffmans. I figured that I might actually be in the Top 10 most known living, breathing Hoffmans.
Of course, Dustin was No. 1, followed by Oscar-winner Philip Seymour. Then I had Ken Hoffman, not me, but the president of the Little Caesars college football bowl, followed by a real estate giant in Portland, Oregon, and the most famous Ken Hoffman ever, the former sanitation supervisor of Charlotte, N.C. When he retired, the city named a street after him. At least once a month, somebody will email me a photo of the Ken Hoffman Drive street sign. I figured I was somewhere behind those guys.
With a tip of the Hatlo hat to Casey Kasem, let’s count down the Top 10 most famous Hoffmans in 2017. There could be some new Hoffmans climbing the chart. With Philip Seymour Hoffman dying in 2014, maybe I’ve moved up a spot.
1. Actor Dustin Hoffman, an all-time great.
2. Charley Hoffman, No. 23-ranked golfer in the world.
3. Rick Hoffman, who plays nut job lawyer Louis Litt on Suits.
4. Mat Hoffman, BMX superstar whose nickname is “Condor.”
5. Trevor Hoffman, relief pitcher supreme who should be voted into the Hall of Fame next year.
6. Mike Hoffman, hockey star with the Ottawa Senators.
7. Jeffrey Hoffman, astronaut with five missions on the Space Shuttle.
8. Glenn Hoffman, third base coach for the Padres and former manager of the Dodgers.
9. A.J. Hoffman, co-host of The Blitz on ESPN 97.5 Radio in Houston and undefeated MMA fighter.
10. Ebony Hoffman, former 1st-round draft pick in the WNBA and current player for Besiktas Istanbul in Turkey.
Move up a spot? Heck, I've fallen out of the Top 10!